Cleaning/Stroking My Ego

Spring is for cleaning, as the old saying goes. Well, there is probably no saying that goes like that, nor is it likely that there was anyone who's ever said that phrase (except of course for me doing it right there).

Nevertheless, as a grad student, you have very little free time. It becomes very hard to use your precious few moments of free time every day for mundane activities like cleaning and hygiene. As such, the first few weeks of summer for me are almost always spent digging my apartment out form under all the crap that has built up over the course of the school year. This also extends to the electronic realm, where I've been busy at work going through and deleting hundreds of old e-mails.

But fortunately for you, lucky reader, I'm vain enough to save my own outgoing e-mails I think are clever, so that I may read through them and be amazed at how brilliant I am. And don't pretend you don't do the same thing...

Anyhoo, I found one that I thought I had already blogged about but apparently have not. Please enjoy:

I've been working on a paper all day, so I walked home for some dinner and to watch teen nick on saturday night (well, only one part of that was intentional... which one? Who knows?!? Sounds like a job for Boy McBoy, Jr., the junior boy detective!) and I actually saw the following inoffensive events on some sort of "teen" based variety show:

Black girl walks in door
Overweight black boy makes eye contact with her
Both run to fridge
Both grab for...wait for it...

The last grape soda.

They both want it so bad
So they have a...wait for it...

Dance off for the last grape soda.

Fat black boy dances in funny dance
Black girl dances in funny dance that is apparently better
Fat black boy dances again feverishly
Black girl dances feverishly as well and knocks over fat black boy
with...wait for it...

Her large buttocks (I believe they refer to it as a "booty").

Fat black boy knocked to floor
Multiethnic supporting cast runs to his aid
Fat black kid humorously asks to be avenged (canned laughter is amused)
White girl defends his honor by dancing

White girl dances poorly.

Black girl also knocks over white girl with booty
Enter svelte black boy
Svelte black boy dances well
Black girl dances well
Both dance so well they explode

Fat black boy gleefully gets up and chugs the grape soda.

Thankfully, in all of this, not a single racial stereotype was used. I mean, I remember a time when t.v. shows were all predicated upon outmoded racial stereotypes.

Thank the good lord we've passed that dark age.

Working on Vacation

Been out of town quite a bit lately, so I haven't had much time to update the ol' blog. I was going to write a really interesting and thoughtful entry on the passing of Bo Diddley, but it got lost to the vagaries of time and the information super highway. Suffice it to say it made me sad and should make you sad, too.

But in the balancing sad news with good department, Dennis Lyxzén and David Sandström of Refused and The (International) Noise Conspiracy fame, have formed a new band, AC4. No crazy sonic experiments or up-beat dance here, it seems to be pretty straight-forward hardcore. But I trust these kids in pretty much everything they do, so I'll be seeing them at any upper-midwest tour stops. And you probably should, too.

There's Possibly a God

Joining the long-line of "actresses" that trade in their (questionable) fame in one medium for an awkward atonal stab at music, Scarlett Johansson released an album of Tom Waits covers last week to charitably middling reviews.

I actually heard the single from it last week on the Current, and despite the fact that she recruited (read: paid enough money to) Bowie to sing some backing vocals, it could most kindly be described as completely boring and lacking of all musicianship. Well, to be fair, the arrangement was fairly interesting, but the "vocals" were just plain terrible.

As someone who fancies himself a bit of a singer (former college music major), it's really insulting when people think that just anyone who wants to can be a good singer. It actually takes work, you know. Just because you don't have to learn any fingerings or hold an instrument doesn't mean there's no talent involved. Good singers work hard for a really long time to become good singers. Hard work, practice, and some natural talent makes good singers. Sleeping with Woody Allen does not.

So I couldn't be happier that in it's first week of sales, the album has moved a middle-level college-act-worthy 5,000 units. To put this is perspective, when Kevin Federline released his terrible, terrible rap album, Playing With Fire, it sold over 6,000 copies in it's first week.

So my great enjoyment of this fact may be a bit of schaden freude, but I hope all future actresses turned singers take note that Mrs. Johansson's experiment failed to break the Federline-line and will stay the hell away from the microphone...

Gov't Crackdown Continues

The City Pages reports that the Minneapolis PD and the FBI are "looking for an informant to show up at 'vegan potlucks' throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protesters" in order to gain insider information and crackdown on protesters. In an interview with an un-named informant, Matt Snyders reports that the local cops and the feds are trying to infiltrate the anti-RNC movement.

Of the two officials named in the story, one was Erik Swanson, a local of the U of M PD and too-big-for-his-britches rep for the FBI's Joint Anti-Terror Task Force. Loyal readers may remember Mr. Swanson as the fella who questioned me in my undies a few years back. Turns out he really gets off on this kind of thing, apparently. But then again, who doesn't enjoy playing dress up and pretending to be a spy? I know I sure did. You know, before I turned 6 and grew up. But hey, not everyone matures at the same pace.

Without going on too much of a Dennis Miller-esque soapboxing rant here, I'd just like to point out that while people often like to laugh at the paranoid delusions of leftists who believe the government is spying on them and out to get them might want to take just a second to read the article. As the old saying goes, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Oh, and if you're a little annoyed at this illegal violation of civil liberties, Sgt. Swanson's e-mail is swans078@umn.edu, his office phone is 612-624-9560, and his his cell is 612-290-4688.

Don't You Hate Coming Home to Bad News?

Got home from a great time visiting the folks back in Iowa, and was welcomed by a pretty shitty development in local politics. Minneapolis, following Bloomington and likely preceding St. Paul, has recently passed incredibly restrictive measures for staging a public protest. Amongst the new additions to the law citizens must get permit more than 15 days prior to the event (thus eliminating the possibility of any emergency protests) and it gives the police the right to on-the-spot amend any of the provisions of the permit as well as revoke the permit at any time for any reason. Or in other words, to effectively eliminate the possibility of any protest ever taking place that the city of Minneapolis does not want to take place. You know, the government needing to approve all forms of political expression. When the Soviet Union did this, we called it "censorship" and and a "dictatorship," but I'm sure this is completely different.

While this is clearly in preparation for the upcoming Republican National Convention, these laws will be permanently on the books, crippling all forms of political resistance for the foreseeable future. Please take a moment to contact the Minneapolis City Council members and disagree with them, while it's still legal:

Don Samuels: don.samuels@ci.minneapolis.mn.us
(612) 673-2205

Paul Ostrow: paul.ostrow@ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2201

Diane Hofstede: diane.hofstede@ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2203

Barbara Johnson: barbara.johnson@ ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2204

Cam Gordon:
cam.gordon@ci.minneapolis.mn.us
(612) 673-2202

Gary Schiff: gary.schiff@minneapolis.mn.us
(612)-673-2209

Mayor RT Rybak
rt@minneapolis.org

And What's Named After You?

It was recently announced that a new rare breed of spider that has just been discovered will be named after Neil Young. Yes, the designation Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi will certainly fill all that shelf space he's been setting aside for Grammys and platinum records.

The same article linked to above also pointed a rather complete Wikipedia list of people with some form of animal or insect named after them. Not surprisingly, every member of the Beatles and the Stones have an insect named after them, but somewhat surprisingly so too do every member of the Ramones and the Pistols. Sadly, though, only two of the Traveling Wilburys have such an honor, thought I expect a big Jeff Lynne fan/scientist to get on that soon.

But even better than that? Four people are listed with a specific type of beetle named after them. They are, in order: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Adolf Hitler. Yep, not making that up.

Orson Welles also gets a major shout out, with four different insects named after him and famous roles of his.

I'm thinking all of this gives me a new goal. No longer do I yearn for out-moded forms of fame like wealth or popularity; no I'm looking for the day when some obscure Ph.D. in microbiology is studying the Legionella wozniaki.

Victory Against T.C. Military Recruiters

Those irascible kids with Youth Against War and Racism (YAWR) are at it again. Fresh off a victory limiting the access of military recruiters in area High Schools, they were featured in a Fox 9 investigation last night. The investigation uncovered (surprisingly) that military recruiters in the Twin Cities are actively and continually lying to children to get them into the army, including one recruiter who "accidentally" told a potential recruit the army would give you $450,000 to start your own small business after service when the number is actually a slightly less $40,000.

As a result, 4 recruiters in the Twin Cities area have been suspended. A good victory, but the fight is not over. However, we can learn a great deal from this. Foremost, of course, is the fact that desperate recruiters will do or say pretty much anything to get you to go die in an illegal and immoral war. But just as interesting is the way in which folks all over the country have proved it's not hard at all to catch them in these lies. So if you're a young person with a video camera or tape recorder and you're sick of military recruiters sending your friends off to die, why not take an afternoon off and do some under-cover investigation?

In the meantime, you can watch the full segment here

In Case You Haven't Seen It...

The great Bill O'Reilly video has been yanked from YouTube, but fortunately, folks are keeping it alive. Check it out here.

The video *(definitely not safe for work)* stars everyone's favorite loofah/falafel salesman during his Peabody (whoops, he meant to say "Polk"...same difference) award-winning days at Entertainment Tonight, that bastion of journalistic integrity.

I won't give too much of it away, but basically it just proves that it's not the spotlight that make O'Reilly a gigantic asshole, but rather that gigantic assholes like O'Reilly search out the safety of the spotlight from which to attack the weak and powerless; assholes, of course, alays being giant cowards.

The long downslide of the best children's writer ever

As The Onion recently pointed out, the holder's of Dr. Seuss' estate are doing a terrible job taking care of his work. I don't need to go on a long rant to point out the obvious problem in continually licensing the works of a man who tried to use simple, old fashioned creativity to teach children about the hollowness of conformity and materialism for giant paychecks, terrible and poorly adapted big-budget movies, and bloated promotional schemes.

Recently, they even cracked down the Lake Elsinore Storm, a minor league baseball team trying to hold a Dr. Seuss night with green-egg-and-ham themed concessions and players wearing red and white stripped socks. In short, a classic minor league ballpark promotion. But the (dare I say it?) Grinches of the Seuss estate shut it down after demanding a $1,000 licensing fee and $4,000 security deposits for officially licensed character costumes, a price pretty much out of reach for a Single A baseball team. After all, the reason they pull these crazy stunts is to generate a sliver of revenue in the first place.

But the bright side is this resulted in the most (and probably only) clever press release in the history of press releases, penned by Matt Dompe, the Storm's director of game operations, and assistant GM Alan Benevides. The press release, in full:

The Padres affiliate, the Lake Elsinore Storm
Tried to put on a promotion that wasn't the Norm
We called it Dr. Seuss Night on our website
But something about that didn't seem right

Dr. Seuss Enterprises didn't see it as funny
They said we could do it but we didn't have the money
They didn't appreciate our publicity ploys
So we have to inform all the sad girls and boys

Through the face of it all we thought we'd persist
Until we were served with a cease and desist
The theme has been cancelled but the game will go on
Perhaps it wouldn't matter if we were in Taiwan

A Sad Day, Indeed

Sue Johanson, the woman Conan O'Brian once referred to as "the MacGuyver of sex toys," is hanging it up this weekend. Johanson's show "Talk Sex" was deliciously surreal, as the septuagenarian delivered straight-faced information on sex toys and sexually transmitted infections, as well as general sex advice.

The show was a favorite of the kids when I was in college. Not really sure why, seeing as it was like being lectured about sex by your kindly grandmother, but then again, maybe that was the appeal...I suppose there's a whole thesis in there about the secret longings of outwardly cynical youth for a kind and comforting guidance through their collegiate sexual experimentation. Or maybe it was just because it was really funny. Either way, it's sad to see her go.

Racial Disparities Persist in Drug Arrests

Human Rights Watch released a new report on the War on Drugs today, and surprisingly, African Americans are still more likely to be arrested on drug charges than their white counterparts, and far, far more likely to be sent to prison.

But you know, they should still be thankful for all we do for them...

Update: Turns out white kids do drugs, too. But note that they only get investigated after a high-profile death on a college campus. It will be interesting to see what kinds of punishments are dealt in this case.

And Abe Lincoln, a White Man, Set Them Free

Many years ago Mr. Show had a sketch in which they were desperately trying to get hate mail. So they were making really offensive racial comments and singing songs about them in order to get that much-needed hate mail. The point of the sketch was to think of the most horribly offensive things they could say and to run with them. So it opened with them having a discussion about the horrors of African slavery, which segued into the fact that Abe Lincoln was responsible for the emancipation of African slaves in America, to which they added "So to our African American friends, we say...you're welcome!"

Now, in this context, it was obvious they didn't actually believe that, and indeed found it greatly offensive to suggest such things. The whole point was that comments like that are so offensive they would guarantee them (rightly) getting hate mail.

But now Pat Buchanan has said the exact same thing, except he's serious. Instead of a joking ploy to get hate mail, he just actually believes that African Americans should be thankful for all that white people have done for them, save possibly that awkward 400-year period where we were kind of still feeling out how our relationship was going to work.

In fact, he doesn't just say that they should be grateful, he says that "no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans." You know, except for the 4 centuries of slavery, the century of legally-enforced apartheid, and the continuing racial disparities in all major health, education, income, wealth, and well-being measures. Other than that, yeah, white people have been pretty good to blacks.

You know, it's getting really hard to make good ironic sarcasm these days when conservatives are literally repeating old comedy sketches about the most offensive statements possible as if they were intelligent insights...

Another Reason to Hate the News

10 days ago, the New York Times reported a large (and illegal) program of Pentagon-backed pro-military commentators that were pushed onto news shows to deliver government propaganda. What's that you say? You haven't heard of this? Maybe it's because not a single major news network has covered it. Apparently an illegal program of government propaganda designed to push us into an illegal war that has killed over 1,000,000 people is just not that interesting.

But you know what is interesting? When Hillary recently challenged Barak to a "Lincoln-Douglas" style debate, this is the photo Fox news used:



Remember, Douglas is the pro-slavery one...

The Simpsons Shame Game

As I've noted before, I've got an ongoing project to see who, if anyone, could ever complete the trifecta of guest appearances on The Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy. To my knowledge, it's never been done. And I put far more faith in my knowledge of Fox sunday-night cartoon shows than I do my knowledge in sociology, and I'm getting a Ph.D. in sociology.

My council has always had the idea kicking around of compiling a list of Simpsons guest stars who have died. When you really start to add it up, it's testament to both how long the show has been on and its incessant need for trendy guest stars when you see how many people have passed since their appearance. But after watching the softball episode the other day, I got to thinking of another interesting category: how many people have been publicly shamed since their appearance on the Simpsons? Sort of a Simpsons jinx, if you will.

That list actually gets pretty long as well. I mean, look at the players featured in the softball episode: Roger Clemens' steroid use is only slightly less obvious than Bonds', things haven't worked out so great for Daryl Strawberry, and well, the less said about Jose Canseco, the better. And the next pro baseball player to appear on the Simpsons? Oh, a little fella by the name of Mark McGwire.

And yesterday the news broke that recent guest star/soccer great Ronaldo was questioned by police after picking up some transvestite prostitutes. And the proud tradition carries on...

Hegemonic Keyboards (Part II in a never-ending pop-pedagogical series)

Hegemony is a seemingly simple concept that is often difficult to get across to people. Developed most intensely by the Italian Marxist theorist Antonio Gramsci, it's essentially the "soft" side of the state that comes to the fore in liberal democracies. Instead of simply using brute force to control the mass of people (as was done in previous social formations and is still done in many places today), most capitalists lead through ideology. In the place of repressive force, we instead have schools that emphasize timeliness and obedience to authority, churches that emphasize accepting one's place in life, a media that posits ours as the best nation in the world, etc. Hegemony refers to the notion that through these ideological apparatuses people are not only conditioned to accept the world as it is, but to see it as the only world possible, no mater how irrational or dangerous that world may actually be. Thus, force can be reserved only for the few who don't get it, while the majority would never even think of rebelling.

The standard QWERTY keyboard is a great example. Though it's hard to ascribe to it the same importance as the imperialist capitalist powers that Gramsci was discussing, it's still a great example of hegemony.

Why? Two words, my good friend: CAPS LOCK.

I just used the caps lock button to write that, and it marks the first time in my life I've ever intentionally used it. Think about it yourself -- when is the last time you meant to use the caps lock button? Better yet, how many times in your life have you ever meant to use it? And now contrast that with how many times you've accidentally hit it and been really annoyed. My ratio between accidental strokes of the caps lock key to intentional ones is roughly 1,067,592:1.

Not only is a completely useless button (there are already two shift keys, which fulfill the exact same function), but it also gets some of the most prime real estate on the keyboard. Right next to A, the third most commonly used letter in the English language.

Why? Why put the most useless button next to one of the most commonly used? Why, because the QWERTY keyboard has achieved a hegemonic position amongst keyboards. Even though in many ways its designed is fundamentally flawed (it was actually originally designed to slow the pace of typing, after all), it is rarely questioned. Because of its hegemonic position, most people have a difficult time imagining any other keyboard design.

So there you have it, hegemony explained. And in the process, we've discovered the first priority of the revolution: to abolish the caps lock key.

Incidentally, I just found out that next spring I'll be teaching my very own course for the first time...so...keep that on your calendars

Catholicism and an Island Full of Lizards

Being Catholic is a weird spot to be in in today's America, mostly because people who aren't Catholic don't really get it. We're definitely Christians (actually, the original Christians), but the similarity between us and the crazy-ass fundamentalist assholes who running around spewing hypocrisy and fellating strangers in public bathrooms pretty much stops at having the same God.

Evolution is a great example. Unlike the protestants, we've believed in evolution for quite awhile now. Sure, it took us longer to get there than some, but it's been that way since before I was born, so it seems like a long time to me. But yet when people find out I'm a Christian, they tend to assume that means being some weird anti-science zealot.

But the point of this post isn't to be about how there's so much more variety in the Church than people think there is, because there's been plenty of that written and yet people are still incredibly misinformed, but in the way that most people are misinformed about most all religions.

No, the point is that recently scientists have discovered that an Italian lizard introduced to the island nation of Croatia in the early 1970s has already greatly evolved in a scant 30-some years. The animal's bodies have changed so as to become vegetarians when they were formerly bug eaters, getting new teeth, a different-sized head, and extra organs to digest the new food sources.

It's a pretty fascinating development and it will be really interesting to see what kind of discoveries come from this, but I just wanted to take the opportunity to point out that I'm a member of the Christian denomination that sees this as an interesting scientific development, not an assault on our way of life and a heretical attempt to challenge the infallible wisdom of God.

The Fun of Juxtaposing Headlines

Two headlines on the strib today, seemingly unrelated. First, the Vikings have signed Jared Allen, possibly the best pass rusher in the NFL. Buried about halfway through the article is that the Vikes are taking a risk because Allen has two DUIs and if he gets another will most likely be suspended for a year. Which is a long time to sit out for a guy they just handed $31 million to.

The next headline? Minnesota ranks third highest amongst all states in DUI arrests.

Now given that the top 5 are, in order, Wisconsin, North Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska, and South Dakota (way to go Dakotas!), I don't think Mr. Allen could have come into a worse situation given his particular proclivities. But on the plus side, I feel like I now have an answer for when folks from warmer climates ask what we do all winter.

Oh, and I have a new activity for the winter: Jarred Allen DUI pools. My money's on mid-November, when it just starts to get cold enough for him to realize where he's moved to.

Cautiously Optimistic

If i could i would keep this feelin in a plastic jar
bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
settle down, barbeque in the backyard
the kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
everyday that gets passed is a success
and every woman looks better in a sun dress

In the great frozen North, we're always treated to a fake spring every year. Every March there will be one week of gorgeous mid-60 degree weather and the shorts will start to come out and everyone will think it's grand, and then two days it's snowing.

But this is the third straight day of 60 degree weather and I'm starting to let myself believe it's actually spring now...seeing as it's the 22nd of April. Better late than never, I suppose.

And that's the great thing about nice weather; it's kind of like a puppy. No matter how aggravating it can be in its behavior, you forgive it as soon as you look into its spring/puppy eyes. Ok, bad metaphor, but the point is that the weather makes everything better. Even studying and writing are not so bad with the windows open, birds chirping, and the radio playing good music. I'd most definitely keep this feeling in a jar...

ActiFest Line Up Announced

For those of you in/around the Twin Cities, the schedule for ActiFest was recently finalized. Check it our here.

It's a fairly easy one-stop shop for progressive organization in the Twin Cities and on the U campus, so it should definitely be on your calendar.

For those of you not in the Twin Cities area...do your part by finding a conservative person and punching them in the back of the head today.

Concert Review Kimya Dawson w/ L'Orchidée d'Hawaï and Angelo Spencer

Though I'm sad to admit it was my first time there, the little lady and I caught a great show last night at the Cedar Cultural Center, conveniently located across the street. And I must say, I was blown away by the space. It's an awesome venue, not to mention a non-profit run by volunteers focused solely on putting great shows for affordable prices (for example, Billy Bragg will be there in June for $20...can't beat that).

But last night's show--unexpectedly one of the best shows I've sen in a long while. It may just be the fact that I really haven't been getting out to shows much lately, but it was a doozy.

Opening Acts:

Angelo Spencer: The first of two French acts, which was the first unexpected part of the show. A typical single guitar player with a bass drum and hi-hat for accompaniment...think Joe Buckyourself, but more folky. Pretty good, but fairly generic. Also, at several points in time during the show, he insulted the English system of measurement. Look, I sez it before, and I'll sez it again: my car gets 40 rods to the hogs head and that's the way I likes it, dammit.

L'Orchidée d'Hawaï: Go find their CD right now and buy it. These guys blew me away, both with an incredible stage presence and some of the best music I've heard in a long while. They're kind of a surf/country/doo wop sound...like Dick Dale meets early Buddy Holly, but French. Songs ranged from bittersweet broken heart fair, to happy frolicking good times, to covers of obscure Japanese surf ballad instrumentals, to traditional Italian love songs. Do yourself a favor and go to orchidee-hawai.com right now and check them out. I've already listened to the CD start to finish twice this morning. These guys may have been an opening act, but they completely owned the show. It's a fairly rare occasion when the audience begs the opening act for an encore, but is fine with it when the headliner announces she's done.

Headliner: Kimya Dawson

I know there's a bit of Kimya Dawson backlash after the surprising success of Juno and it's equally surprisingly successful soundtrack, but it's not because of anything she's done, it's just a standard hipster pissing contest. She was mostly doing songs off of her upcoming children's album Alphabutt and some old classics. She was pretty good throughout the night (though I was hoping for an update on her rumored deal to be a semi-regular on Sesame Street, but it never came), but she's not much of a live performer. As Krissy pointed out, it's fun to listen to her albums, but she brings pretty much nothing to the live show. Just sitting there motionless with her eyes closed as she rattes off song after similar-sounding song. I don't mean to say it wasn't good, but by the end, it started to drag a wee bit. Maybe it's just because it was late on a wednesday night.

Overall, though, a fine show. Incidentally, the Cedar is in the midst of a huge push for donations (again, they're a non-profit, so they largely subsist on donations) and have a matching donation program this month, so your dollars count double. It's a great venue putting on some cool shows and it would suck to lose it, so chip in a few bucks if you can.

My 400th Post

I realize this is a completely meaningless milestone, but what you are reading, dear friend, is my 400th post on this humble li'l blog. The post that follows has nothing to do with this fact, but I thought you'd like to bask in the glory inherent in such a momentous event.

But anyhoo, anyone I talk to on any form of a regular basis is familiar with my unceasing praise of the The Av Club, the back page of The Onion that has become it's own full-fledged house of cultural criticism. It's perfect for the young snarky hipster (or those with a young snarky hipster hidden deep inside of them), but not in an alienating way. Think Pitchfork if it weren't written by assholes.

But mostly I love it for the way in which it allows aging cool kids such as myself the ability to act like they're still up on the underground, even though they've long lost the time and inclination necessary to be on the cutting edge of music/movies/all forms of popular art.

For example, in just one day today, I've both learned that Bill Cosby is finally putting his money where his mouth is and producing a rap album (take that, Cornell West!) and I got pointed in the direction of several killer (and free) mixtapes.

I know this is a weak cop-out of a post, but it's that time of the semester where I feel like my mental powers should probably be dedicated to more worthwhile pursuits. But hey, if I can't come up with anything good, at least I know how to point you in the direction of something better. And I'm pretty comfortable with that.

So then what exactly is rape?

The verdict is in in the rape trial of Dominic Jones, and he's not guilty of rape, but instead was convicted of "unwanted sexual contact with a physically helpless woman."

For those of you not in the know, Jones, along with 3 other U of M football players, videotaped themselves having sex with a woman who had already passed out and did some pretty graphic stuff to her that even I feel is too shocking to repeat here.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not so naive as to think our criminal justice system works as it's supposed to. I completely understand how deals are cut and pleas are made, and that only very few people are ever convicted of the crime they committed. And I know that this more than often goes the other way, with people being punished far more harshly than their crime warrants, especially in the case of young African-American males.

But even I, the flaming leftist, have a problem with this ruling. To repeat, the man videotaped himself having sex with a woman who was passed out. I don't know that there could a more textbook definition of rape.

Now I'm not arguing they should lock him up for some obscene amount of time, but the man clearly at least needs some counseling. Because he not only obviously knew he was raping her (again, she was fucking passed out), but he also videotaped himself doing it, and did some rather disgusting shit to her in the process. Clearly he doesn't even view women as human beings, let along people deserving of his respect. And by barely punishing him, the court is completely legitimizing that world view, not just for him, but for the many people who have followed this trial.

As someone who's known quite a few activists who have gone to jail, let me put the proposed 8 month sentence in perspective. When one goes to the School of the Americas (now the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security and Cooperation), the school that teaches Latin American strongmen how to rape and kill nuns, and in protest walks on the base to ask the soldiers to stop teaching and arming these right-wing thugs, they receive a 6 month jail sentence. When you rape a passed out woman and videotape it to share with your friends, you receive an 8 month sentence.

So to recap: asking people to stop raping and murdering people: 6 months in jail. Raping people on videotape while you laugh about it: 8 months.

Good thing that whole "women's liberation" dealie is over, or people might be upset about this...

The 4th Horseman of the Apocolypse has just vomited

It has finally happened.

Geffen records hs confirmed that Axl has finally turned in the completed Chinese Democracy.

Yes, the album that has taken a mere 14 years, $13 million, and roughly 7,265 band line-up changes is complete.

I dont use the term "greatest moment in the history of recorded music" very often, but in this case...

Do it for the children

People who only casually watch movies (or casually listen to music, or insert any artistic medium here) often can't understand why those of us who follow them pretty closely get so upset about shitty movies. And I can really only speak for myself, but I would wager that this applies to many others, it's not that these movies are necissarily so atrocious (though they often are), it's more that in a world populated with so many brilliant movies, why would you watch the same derivative, formulaic shit over and over again?

I'm not arguing that you need to throw away all of your movies and watch solely Citizen Kane for the next 6 months so that you may critically analyze all that it represents. I just mean to say that any shitty, quickly-produced star fuck picture can easily be replaced by a similar, good movie. Much in the way that nearly all corporate music is merely an over-produced derivative of artistically interesting movie, pretty much all shitty movies are just white-washed re-creations of good movies. So why not watch the good movie instead?

However, there is a special reserve of hatred all of us who wish to appear hip to good movies have for those movies with absolutely no redeeming credit and those who produce them. For example, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the geniuses behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet The Spartans. These people feed off of an area below the lowest common denominator and will apparently stop at nothing to destroy American cinema. I don't just artistically disagree with these people, I genuinely hate them with a passion.

In this vein of director/producers, though, there is a kingpin: Uwe Boll. Specializing in turning video games into (terrible) movies, he is the mastermind behind such classics as Bloodrayne, Bloodrayne II, and Bloodrayne III (currently in pre-production). His movies go so far beyond even good-in-a-terrible-way that I'm pretty sure they are true signs of the coming apocolypse.

But there is hope. Mr. Boll has agreed to stop making films forever if a petition can be gathered with 1,000,000 signatures asking him to stop. Thanks to those ever-enterprising internet nerds, we now have the petition. It just needs your signature. As of this writing, it has a little over 47,000 signatures. Please sign it before DigDug: The Movie and DigDug II: The DigDuggening are inflicted upon the children of America...

Missing the Classics

Some Jimi Hendrix came up in my iTunes shuffle today and it got me ruminating about the necessity of classics. I've never gotten into Jimi; I really only have a couple selected tracks on my iTunes that come up every once in a while on shuffle, but that's it. I don't own any albums, and I would never just sit down and listen to a Hendrix album.

It's not that I dislike it, I just don't really respond to it. I can definitely see his genius...I mean, there's obviously a reason his name is synonymous with the guitar. And I know how massively influential he is, especialy among many of the acts/artists I really love.

But his music has just never really done it for me. I've never been able to get into that jammy 60s kind of blues rock. Again, I don't think it's bad, I just really can't ever imagine myself sitting down and intentionally listening to it.

Does this make me a bad music fan? I try to pose as somewhat knowledgeable about music, but can I even do that if I have no working knowledge of Jimi? Are their certain people you're just not allowed to skip if you're a rock fan? What about you, faithful readers? Are there people in your cannon that you're emberassed to admit you just didn't go for no matter how popular/talented they hapen to be? Is this to be allowed? Or should I really be stockpiling some Jimi and forcing myself to understand it? Discuss...

The Onion releases a direct-to-dvd movie

Yep, doesn't need much more commentary than that. Though I suggest a renting before a purchasing, because while the trailer made me laugh exactly twice, it seems like this could be a bit thin stretched over 90 minutes.

Just because

Chances are you've already seen this photo plenty, but because I'm on a one-man mission to make sure it doesn't die, take a close gander once more. Just for funsies...


Good buddies Donal Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein gather to discuss brill cream, long-winded speeches, and general evil

Odd yet Unexpected Politics Day

In two un-related yet somehow seemingly inter-connected stories, Sean Hannity turns out to be a racist (big surprise) and a leftist radical gets re-arrested for no reason (even bigger surprise).

Hannity, the man so concerned about Barak Obama's preacher's "racism," turns out to have a bit more racist connection of his own. Apparently Mr. Hannity is close friends with Hal Turner, a notorious white power advocate who has applauded the firebombing of an apartment complex housing "savage negroes" and has called for murder as a way to regulate America's population of un-documented immigrants. Not even mentioning his calls for forced steralization of all minorities, you can see the guy has a bit of problem with racial diversity. And in addition to being a regular commentator on Hannity's radio show, the two have apprently had an extensive personal relationship over the years.

In other news, local radical and former SLA-member Sarah Jane Olson was re-arrested this weekend after being relased upon serving 6 years in a federal prison. Turns out, despite the fact that she was granted patrol over a month ago, after some political pressure from right-wing police unions and "victim advocacy" groups (which are in all actuality, police-funded P.R. fronts) a "mistake" was found in the records and the judge is now claiming she still owes a year on her sentence. Ms. Olson, in addition to being a founding member of the coolest cooperative in the Twin Cities, was convicted of second-degree murder after participating in an SLA bank robbbery during which a bank patron was killed. Now certainly no one defends that crime, but last I checked, once someone serves their sentence, they're free to go. I don't remember the clause in the constitution that says you can put people back into prison because you disagree with their politics. I'm pretty sure that's the kind of thing an old Iraqi dictator did that was so offensive it required 4,000 American lives and 1,000,000+ Iraqi lives to get rid of. Just saying...

But in happier news, there's only 7 days, 7 hours, and 59 minutes until the first pitch of the season for the local boys, who neither spout racist right-wing rhetoric nor unlawfully imprison leftists. So at least there's something to look forward to in this world...

The Most Brilliant Car Thieves in the World

After spending a nice spring break in Appleton, Wisconsin (home of Houdini, Joe McCarthy, and Willem Defeo), I came home to find someone had bashed out the passenger side window on my car. The irony of this is that there was literally nothing to steal in my car, and true enough nothing is gone. For crying out loud, I have a $5 AM/FM stereo I bought at a junkyard and wooden cupholders my dad made me after a previous robbery. I'm not really sure what they thought they were going to get out of this operation in the first place.

But there was one thing missing: the ash tray.

And this wasn't a secret stash-of-money ashtray. I don't have any stashes of cash, because I'm about as broke as my car. Nope, it was just a tiny ash tray full of old candy wrappers and half-chewed gum. What they could want with it was beyond me.

Until it hit me--you may remember that this past winter, some vandals stole my cupholders. Well, there's really nothng else to conclude than that this was the same group of people. Having satiated their thirst (pardon the pun) for my cupholders, they have returned for the ash tray.

And it can only follow from that that somewhere in a dank warehouse in this fair city, sits my cupholders and my ash tray side-by-side. These are not isolated events, this is the work of mastermind car thieves who are stealing my precious little Nissan piece by piece until they can reconstruct it elsewhere. It may be the most insidious and hard-to-detect form of car thievery in existance.

So you can bet your sweet ass that as soon as that glass is replaced, I'm keeping a watchful eye on my shifter knob before those bastards come back and take that and the volume knobs on my stereo. After all, at this rate, my entire car will be gone by 2029...

Happy Palm Sunday

"Enough with the slaughters. Enough with the violence. Enough with the hatred in Iraq!"

--Pope Benedict XVI, Palm Sunday Mass 2008.

This is actualy happening

Yes, a scant 21 years after the original, the Hollywood brain trust has finally greenlighted Lost Boys II: The Tribe.

Lost Boys is completely a "you had to be there" movie. As the use of the phrase "suck monkey" in the trailer indicates, unless you were born and/or spent your formative years in the 1980s, Lost Boys probably holds nothing for you.

But if you were born and/or spent your formative years in the 1980s, then you are probably incredibly excited right now. That movie could politely be termed a ubiqitous part of growing up in the 80s; I don't even really like it, and I've probably seen it a good half-dozen times or so. And I'm going to go see the sequel, despite the fact that I know it will be terrible, and as I mentioned, I'm not even that big a fan of the first one. Yet, I feel oddly drawn to it.

Maybe it's because Feldman's trademark red bandana survives the trip into the 21st century. Maybe it's because both Feldman and Haim will be in the flick. Or maybe it's because the head vampire will be played by Angus Sutherland, half-brother of Keifer, the original head vampire.

But in any event, check out the bad-ass trailer (and multiple Corey Feldman interviews) here:

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

This is approximately where I get off the train

Don't get me wrong, I'm down. I've played every version of Guitar Hero, and have a band with some buddies on Rock Band (which happens to be ranked 4,763 in the world...be on the lookout for Dr. Murderfist). Hell, one night when really bored, I made a MySpace page for my fictitious band in the game. So I understand that these games are really fun, and a great way to waste the limited disposable-income of your youth.

And as a decent, but by no means good musician, I understand the vicarious thrill of being able to simulate rocking out really well. But I've finally found my jumping off point. Noted favorite of metal bands guitar-makers Peavey have announced they are making full size, "realistic" guitar controllers (pictured a left) for the game(s). From the Peavey website:

"Peavey has released a new line of Guitar Hero controllers made from a life-sized Peavey guitar. These are real wood guitars that have been modified to play the video game."

And you can get one of your own for the low, low price of only $399! In other words, for the price of a decent real guitar, except that one would have strings and the ability to actually produce music. Look, I'm never one to say that people should quit playing video games and attempt to actually live their life, but if you're going to put that much money and time into learning a fake instrument, why not just put the same effort into the real thing? Considering the guitar costs $400, the game costs $150, and there are endless buy-ins that drive the price up even more (not to mention that you need a $200 sytem to play it on), why not put that money toward a real guitar and some lessons? Just a thought.

But if you are heading over to the nearest Peavey dealer to get one of these monstrocities, be forewarned that of the current styles available, 8 of the 20 are Lynyrd Skynyrd themed...I'm not sure how to read that, but apparently the good folks at Peavey asume that of all rock fans, a good 40% are Skynyrd fans above all else. I hope to God this is not true.


In comepletely un-related news, President Bush has been imlpicated in a prostitution ring involving up to 50,000 women and children.

Winter Soldier this weekend!

As those of us in the northernmost state know, winter is not over until May at the earliest. So while the winter soldier meetings being this weekend might seem odd to others, it seems like a perfect time for us up here.

For those not in the know, the original Winter Soldier meetings were held during the Vietnam war. Organized by Vietnam Veterans Against the War (VVAW), it brought together over 100 soldiers in Detroit to discuss the atrocities they had commited/seen commited in the name of the United States. While it was blacked out by all corporate media (save the New York Times, which ran a short story about it a week afterwards), it re-ignited the anti-war movement and helped turn the tide decisively against the Vietnam war.

Well, wouldn't you know those cantankerous soldiers are up to no good again. This weekend Winter Soldier 2 is convening in Maryland. Because this one is probably even more likely to be blacked out by the media, you should check it our for yourself.

Here at the U, it will be the beginning of spring break, and I can't figure out a better way to kick-off the week than with harrowing testimony of war crimes commited by our federal government...

War is the Whole Milk in America's refrigerator of shame

I know that fundamentally those "what else could we have done with the money" screeds about war spending are problematic in many ways. Most notably, no one ever really seems to write "what could those people have done with their lives" pieces about the over 1,000,000 dead as a result of this illegal, immoral, and unjust war. It's also a bit of a pointless exercise to ponder spending money that's already been spent.

But yet, there's still apart of me that thinks maybe someday we can see that nearly a third of all Americans lack proper healthcare (or even have any) and think that is a big enough threat to our nation that we drop everything to drop 10 billion dollars a month on it. So, in the interest of hippie-esque daydreaming, here are some things we could spend money on instead of murder:

Estimated cost of war $10 billion a month:

“In FY2007, DOD’s monthly obligations for contracts and pay averaged about $12.3 billion including about $10.3 billion for Iraq and $2.0 billion for Afghanistan.” [CRS Report, 2/22/08]

The total estimated cost of the war is somewhere in the neighborhood of three trillion fucking dollars (when any amount gets over 1,000,000,000,000 it's considered customary to insert an expletive in the middle of it). Here's what the authors of the above article found we could do with that money:

By way of context, Stiglitz and Bilmes list what even one of these trillions could have paid for: 8 million housing units, or 15 million public school teachers, or healthcare for 530 million children for a year, or scholarships to university for 43 million students. Three trillion could have fixed America's social security problem for half a century. America, says Stiglitz, is currently spending $5bn a year in Africa, and worrying about being outflanked by China there: "Five billion is roughly 10 days' fighting, so you get a new metric of thinking about everything."

Remember a few things about this quote: for one, the numbers are only for one trillion, so triple them in your head. You think 24 million new units of housing would help our homeless problem? Or those displaced by Katrina? Or how about 129 million scholarships. Would that possibly help our nation compete on the international stage? Help remedy some of our problems with poverty? Or what about another 150 years of social security? Seems like that couldn't hurt. But even more depressing is the final note on Africa. What we give the entire continent in aid is not even equivalent to half a month's spending on war. Perhaps this is why our international reputation is slightly sullied?

But as I said, the money is already spent, and we're already feeling it here. Or at least anyone who ever uses anything that is publicly funded is feeling it. You know, like when bridges collapse in the middle of major American cities. Or when hurricanes destroy entire cities and the National Guard is all busy somewhere else.

Really, the point of this is as simple as it is preachy: why is that we are only able to mobilize these massive outputs of resources for killing people? Why not try using all of it to help people? Just once, so we can see what happens?

It's like switching to 2% milk. Sure, at first it seems really weird and foreign, but eventually you don't even notice the difference. And it sure is a lot better for you. Maybe there will be a day when we try out the whole milk of war just for old time's sake, and find that it's become so thick and disgusting that we can't even rememeber why we thought it was good to begin with...

When are ads not ads?

The best local station in the Twin Cities (and probably in running for one of the best nation-wide), The Current, recently finished it's membership drive. Being a public readio station, it's member drive is pretty much the boilerplate PBS/NPR beg-for-cash telethon, but with hip music instead of Lawrence Welk and Dr. Who.

And every year during the mebership drive, I have a strong internal debate about giving them my money. Don't get me wrong, I really like the Current. It plays enough of what I know to make me comfortable, but plenty of new stuff to keep me somewhat in the loop. Though I'm not really big on the indie shoe-gazer crap they're all so in love with, but you take the bad with the good, I suppose. And if it went off the air, I would most assuredly miss it. Good music delivered by knowledgable DJs actually crafting real set lists is a giant rarity in today's radio landscape. It's certainly nothing I ever experienced in my 23 years in Iowa, and probably will not have again wherever I end up in life. So I really don't want to see it go.

But the reason I don't quite feel comfortable forking over my petty amount of cash is the ads. One of the mantra's they repeat throughout the membership drive is that the Current is listener-supported, adverts-free radio. And if that were the case, I'd be more than happy to shill out some of my measly earnings.

The only catch is they're not ad-free in the slightest. The most glaring example came this morning, as one fo their most excellent DJs Mark Wheat explained that this section of the program was brough to me by "Great Clips, with dozens of locations throughout the Twin Cities metro area...'don't worry, you're at Great Clips!'"

I fail to see how that's not an ad. Just because the DJ read it instead of a struggling actor picking up cash on the side doesn't make it any less of an advertisement. And if they've got corporate sponsors, why do they need to squeeze money from a poor graduate student?

So I guess it's kind of a shit-or-get-off-the-pot type thing. If they were truly listener supported, I'd have no problem with supporting them. But if maor corporations are giving them money, I'm not really convinced they need mine.

Obligatory Brett Favre post

As someone who was a legitimate Don "Magic Man" Majkowski fan (seriously, I even had his Starting Lineup figure...man, remember Starting Lineup?), I've always had more ambivalent feelings about Favre than most. Of course, being a Vikings fan probably didn't help my opinion of him that much. But it goes deeper; Majkowski was a much more fitting QB for the Pack. He wasn't afraid to rock a mullet, even after they had largely passed out of style. He had a Polish name, not some crazy-ass French name with the R in the wrong place. And he wore number 7, a real quarterback number. But alas, I guess he'll always be the Drew Bledsoe of Wisconsin to Brett Favre's annoyingly charming Tom Brady.

And I think the matephor is apt. Sure, you can blow all this smoke about how Favre played like a kid and was such a competitior, but those things really come off more like being a dick when you're a fan of the opposing team. And come on, only clean-cut, popular white players get away with being drug addicts and yet somehow still get to be rolemodels.

Don't get me wrong, he was good and could be fun to watch. But I'm not about to sit here in Minnesota and say that number 4 was good. Besides, what no one's really talking about in all of this is how the Vikings should pretty much be favored to win the division next year. That's a lot more interesting than some interception-prone pill-popper, if you ask me.

Back From the Abyss

Bit of a silence here on the ol' blog lately, as I've been fighting against a bad a flu for the past several days. I'm cautiously optimistic today that I'm in the clear, but it was a bad one. The kind where even reading was really out of the question, so I got so very little done. But I did watch two entire seasons of The Office, so I guess it wasn't an entire loss.

But in the meantime, it seems as if the political world was blowing up. Coolest news item from over the long weekend: the International Longshore and Warehouse Union (ILWU) has voted, over protest of leadership, to strike on May 1st in a call to end the war.

This is a pretty big development, as it will not only mean that the entire West Coast will be effectively shut down, but they are also the first union to move toward taking bold and effective strike action in effort to stop the war.

I'm embittered and cynical enough to know that this may never even actually happen; the leadership could find a way to call it off, the Feds could invoke any number of injunctions to prevent it, etc. But it could be a watershed moment in this war. If other rank-and-file union members could push their slow and complicit leadership into taking similar actions, it would be a huge step toward finally pushing the federal government to enact the will of the people. Afterall, when 70% of the populace is against the war and all candidates for election merely talk strategy, not withdrawl, the only step left is to take radical action to force and end to the war.

So keep your eye on this one. It may not amount to anything, but it may also signal a radical shift in an American populace increasingly fed-up with the many, many downsides of neo-liberal hegemony. Either way, it's a pretty keen development.

R.I.P. Irony

Mother Jones recenlty compiled a playlist of all the songs the U.S. military uses to torture prisoners. First of all, we have a playlist to torture people. That in and of itself should probably be problematic enough, but it gets worse.

Some of the songs on their are what you'd probably think of when you think "music used for torture": Eminem, the Meow Mix song, the Barney Theme Song, Neil Diamond, Christina Aguilera. Surprisingly, no Dave Matthews, but I'm sure the list is still a work in progress.

The award for the weirdest song on the list goes to Raspberry Beret. I mean, if I were in a secret C.I.A. detention center in Undisclosed Location, Eastern Europe, I'd be cool with jamming out to some Prince.

But the aforementioned irony-killer would have to be that "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine is on the list. For those of you not in the know, have a sample verse:

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed tha war canibal animal
I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a library
Line up to tha mind cemetery
What we dont know keeps tha contracts alive an movin
They dont gotta burn tha books they just remove em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as tha cells
Rally round tha family, pockets full of shells

Yep, nothing like a shrill screed against the military-industrial complex to torture people at the hands of said military-industrial complex. This means that this is now either the official definition of irony, or the concept is indeed finally dead. Discuss amongst yourselves...

Basketball, Class Warfare, and The End Times

In a welcome surprise yesterday, I ended watching the Timberwolves play well for 3.5 quarters of basketball from 8 rows off the court, for free. I don't really care for basketball that much, and the Wolves are terrible beyond terrible this season, but who can pass up such seats? They are officially the best sets I've ever had to any sporting event in the history of my life, save Fort Dodge Dodgers High School basketball, and I'm not sure that technically qualifies as a sport.

But I do have to say that from that close, the game certainly takes on a different quality. For the first time, I really understood how fast the game is and how impresive things like Jason Kidd's no-look between-the-leg passes really are. Though when he's on the opposing team and he tries to make a really cocky no-look pass that gets picked off and taken the other way for a monster dunk, it's even more entertaining.

And being in the good seats is an experience in and of itself. For instace, we got to use the same entrance as the players. Thus, there's no way Dirk Nowitzki didn't hear me call him a Nazi, unlike when I'm shouting that from the 3rd balcony. And we even got to use better bathrooms than the mouth-breathers in the cheap seats, because when you have money like me, you can not condescend to pee next to poor people. But it's for the best; afterall, when they see what we have, it just angers up their working-class blood anyway.

Having the good feeling I would never be in such good seats again, I took full advantage of all amenities available, often getting up just to walk out to the lobby so I could have the satisfaction of going back in the fancy entrance. But I did get the distinct feeling that maybe it's a sign of the apocalypse when I guy like me gets to sit in seats like that. And much to my horror, I find that world leaders agree and have taken the precaution of creating a doomsday vault of all the seed varities in the world, just in case I ever get tickets to the very court-side seats that come complete with tuxedo-ed wait staff and the end-times truly come.

I get it, but I don't want it

As I was doing the dishes this afternoon, I was struck by how all of the glasses I use have graduated from the odd mish-mash of free promotional cups and hand-me-downs to the slightly more representable collection of semi-classy pint glasses. And then I briefly thought about how in a few years, I'll probably breakdown and buy a matching set of glasses to use, just because everyone else my age has and I fear being left behind, apparently.

And then I realized how much I was the middle-of-the-montage, slightly-younger version of the sad-sack main character of the movie who at the end of said montage is forced to throw out his beloved old pint glass by his shrewish, image-obsessed wife as a poorly contrived plot point to show how much our once-plucky protagonist has had the life sucked out of him.

Now, I highly doubt anything of the sort will ever happen to me -- for example, dating a radical leftist means you're less than likely to have an image-obsessed wife -- but at the same time, I'm sure most no one expects this to happen to them.

Add suddenly, I realized: "Ok, Hollywood, I get it. I can see how one could let this happen to them. I understand the feeling of how looking at something completely innocuous, like a pint glass, can suddenly make you wonder where the bygone days of your youth have gone as you trudge through the meaningless world of bills and responsibility, having no idea when the nights of care-free idiocy ceased."

But the damn montage still doesn't work as a plot device. It's just a too transparantly lazy way to establish report with the ellsuive 18-49 year old white, male demographic. It's not witty or clever, or even subtle in the slightest. You may as well just have the character say "I am sad that my former lifestyle has been replaced my current, less desirable lifestyle."

So, you know, please stop doing it.

Cheap and easy activism

As I've probably mentioned in here once or twice already, the rabble-rousin' kids of Youth Against War and Racism are working of kicking recruiters out of their schools in the Twin Cities area. We're close to a major victory in St. Paul and hope to use a win there to bring the fight to Minneapolis, and serve as a template for students nation-wide who are sick of people coming into their school to prey on their clasmates and send them off to die in an illegal, immoral, and unjust war.

"But Jesse, I have no time for such things. I am so mired in my day-to-day activity that taking even the slightest step to fight military recruitment in our schools is too onerous for me!" you say.

Well, I've got the solution for you. We've set up an online petition that you can sign to show your support. We'll take all of these signature to the big show-down with the school board next week, so sign it now and tell all your friends.

Sign the petition here, and go back about your regular existance, but now with the smug self-satisfaction that comes from taking extremely small steps to help win major battles.

Eli Manning and White Privilege

As I move into the latter stages of my grad career, my mind has increasingly been turning toward teaching. It's always been a thought of mine, expecially since I'm earning a degree that pretty much only lets you be a professor, but as I get closer to tackling my reading list, taking my prelims and getting to the point where I can teach my own course, I've started to put a great deal of thought into the nuts-and-bolts aspects.

The most fun of these is compiling anecdotal examples from pop culture that I can use to illustrate sociological concepts to the kids and make me that "cool" prof who is really cool only in his own head.

But lately I've been kicking around a good one: Eli Manning. Specifically, Eli is an ideal example of racial, gender, and class privilege, specifically how these act as advantages, but still leave room for personal agency.

Eli Manning has finally proved he's a decent quarterback. I mean, it does take some talent to lead a last-minute, Super Bowl-winning touchdown drive against a team many had already crowned as the greatest in history. But prior to that, he was really just some shmuck who had a famous dad and even more famous brother.

And therein lies the hidden operation of multiple forms of privilege. Sure, Eli clearly has some talent, but would he ever have been able to put that talent to use were he not Eli Manning? That is to say, if his father wasn't a famous NFL quarterback who made great investments in training him his whole life would he have been able to start at a major Division I (or Bowl Subdivision) team? And if he did not have an older brother shedding record books would he have been such a high draft pick?

Think about it -- how much promise did Eli show in college? Enough to warrant a number 1 draft pick? It's at least an arguable point.

And that itself proves what I'm trying to say. Had his name been Jamal Henderson and he went from a vocational high school to starting a few years at Grambling, with the exact same skill sets, would he have been drafted so high? Or even at all? Not to mention if he had another X chromosome in place of that Y.

This is not to deny that he has talent. Like I said, he turned in a pretty good game in one of the best Super Bowls ever played. But if his skin color, gender, and family lineage (class status) had not opened the doors for him in the first place, would he have ever even had the opportunity to display that talent?

Maybe, but it seems unlikely. Hell, if he didn't have all those factors working in his favor, he'd be lucky to be as successful as Cooper, let alone Peyton.

Unlike in the Metrodome, there will be no return of Batista

Though you've probably already heard, Castro resigned today.

I think this is a good moment to counter a few points of official U.S. propaganda.

While Cuba has it's fair share of problems, it is a tiny island nation under embargo from more than half the world for the last 50 years. However, even after it lost support from the Soviet Union, it still managed to have higher literacy rates and lower infant mortality rates than the United States.

Think about that: a tiny iselnd, constantly under military threat, with little access to foreign goods or supplies, does a better job education and taking care of its citizenry than does the most powerful and richest nation on the planet.

Just further proof that socialism doesn't work, I suppose.

But how did they acheive these marvelous results with little money and few supplies? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that both education and healthcare are universally free throughout Cuba. Apparently not having to choose between eating and getting medication improves people's health. But to be fair, who amongst us could have seen that coming?

And on a final note, could we maybe just out of temporary kindness stop calling him a dictator? The U.S. has tried to kill him on multiple occassions (my favorite being through a C.I.A. planted exploding cigar). Oh, and by "multiple occassions" I mean "at least 638 documented times."

If the Cuban people tired of Castro and his oh-so-despotic ways, they would have been the most well-funded and armed rebellion in the history of the world. Yet they chose not to. Maybe it had something to do with the far-better health care they were receiving. Or maybe it was the free housing and education. Or maybe they simply prefer the Cuba Libre the way it is and don't want to have to come up with a new mixed drink. Who knows?

But in the end, it comes down to the fact that he stepped down. Not because of military pressure, not because of growing threats at home, not because of a coup. Because he's retiring. How many dictators in world history have you ever heard of saying "Well, that's about enough for me. Think I'll just give up ultimate power and move into a retirement home." My guess is that it's zero, because dictators don't do that.

Don't get me wrong, the guy's had his share of problems. I mean, he did grant himself the right to detain citizens and decalre their constitutional rights null and void at his discretion, he authorized expansive spying programs aimed at his own citizens, he's clamped down on all forms of dissent, and even went so far as to illegally invade a sovereign nation in defiance of international law and the opinion of the rest of the world, he...oh, wait...well, I'm sure Fidel did something bad, too.

The other blog gets some love

(Thanks for the heads up from Jon)

The Contexts Discoveries blog got some big ups today from Org Theory, a pretty interesting and well-written sociology blog.

Since I've been meaning to pimp it here myself for some time, this seems like the perfect opportunity to finally make that pitch to all of you, my faithful readers. As way of introduction, Contexts is a magzine published by the American Sociological Association. The idea is that it will be the public mouthpiece for sociology, kind of like Popular Mechanics, but fewer articles on self-driving cars.

The Discoveries blog is intended to present interesting and relevant current sociolgical research in an easy-to-understand synopsis for the lay reader. In short, it's a cool place to check out social research without having to read the dense and intentionally obtuse journal articles scholars produce.

And your humble li'l blogger happens to be on the graduate student editorial board of Contexts and is a regular contributor to the blog, as if you needed any more reason to check it out.

So go read it, bookmark it, get its rss feed, and become the most sociologically informed person on your block!

This is not a joke

After logging out of my hotmail today, I stopped to peruse the fluff articles on msn.com (the automatic re-direct when you log out) and came across a gem of an article with this title:

Did terrorists cause the housing mess?

Yes, I shit you not, this was presented with no hint of irony or disclaimer of the aging writer's crippling ether addiciton.

For a second I thought it might be a bit of radical journalism snuck into the mainstream, and that this muck-racking young journalist was not afraid to label the Bush administration terrorists, but it turns out that it was really just ghost-written by Guiliani.

I'll spare you the long-winded rant on how horrible our mainstream media is, but only because I have to believe you're already formulating your own.

Not sure how much commenting this needs

Corey Haim recently took out this regrettable ad in Variety:



But really, it raises more questions than it answers:

What is he ready to make amends for?

How could he afford this ad?

How cracked out is that signature?

Seriously, did he borrow the money for the ad from Feldman?

Like Ron Shapiro, but for bad music

A couple of weeks ago, I was going on a bit of a Dennis Miller-esque rant about pop music, specifically the likes of Justin Timberlake. I was trying to justify to a friend why it's ok to enjoy his music on a certain level. I mean, I know it's throw-away bubblegum pop, but it's pretty good for throw-away bubblegum. I mean, he's at least trying to do something new and slightly innovative, even if it's all well within the confines of corporate radio. And it's not like he set out to do anything dramatically different in the first place, and his music is good for what it is. And on a business level, you gotta give it to the guy, he knows what he's doing. His first disc was Pharell produced when P was the be-all and end-all of Hip Hop, and JT has almost single-handedly led the (welcome) Timbaland resurgence.

And after finishing this protracted and long-winded defense of such worthless music, I felt a momentary pang of regret, as I realized I had just become a corporate rock apologist. I was half waiting for the phone to ring with an offer to write for Rolling Stone (zing!). This kind of balderdash would've never flown back when I was a hardcore, straight-edge college punk with no room in my revolutionary schedule for such ersatz crooning.

However, over the years as my sensibilities, as well as physique, have softened significantly, I've realized there's no shame in enjoying the occasional well-crafted pop album. I liken it to Oreos. Comprised almost completely of trans-fats, one magazine article I read posited them as the worst food in existance, given the entire lack of nutritional value as well as the aforementioned harmful fats.

But yet they are so fucking delicious.

It's much the same way with your higher-end radio pop. There is no shame in enjoying it, for it is scientifically designed to be enjoyable. I actually envision this music being made much the same way as Oreos: old men in white coats scurry around a sterile lab combining beats and effeminite vocals until they have the most potent pop mix known to human kind. It's not a terrible waste that I'm entertained by such a product, only a mere inevitability of time and scientific advancement.

Now, don't get me wrong. I would much, much rather spend my time with some obscure Ween tracks, or Brother Ali, Billy Bragg, Modern Life is War, or any number fof verifiably good bands. Hell, even if I'm going for pop, I'd rather have some Jackson 5. But much like I strive to get my 3-5 servings of both fruits and vegetables everyday and have long since given up Captain Crunch in favor of organic granola and flax seed, every once in a while I just feel compelled to sneak to the corner store, buy a big bag of Double Stuffs, and contemplate exactly just what futuresex will be like.

Finally, some justice in the world

Friends, there is much about the world you can be angry at. An illegal, immoral, and unjust war continues to kill thousands. Our healthcare system lets millions of people die for lack of care, simply because they cannot afford it. Over half of the world lives on less than $1 U.S. per day. Corporate control of the world has thrown our environment into peril.

But I no longer despair. For once in my life, I have finally seen justice enacted on a grand scale.

Yes, we may all breathe a sigh of relief tonight and go to sleep with some faith in the world, as those fucking Patriots finally lost.

For all the talk of greatness, all the hype, all the un-punished cheating, they simply could not defeat the out-of-nowhere Giants. And for that, I thank all that is good and holy.

Lazy friday morning = stealing someone else's post

Courtesy of Jonathan Schwarz, via This Modern World:

Several weeks ago this statement of Hillary Clinton got lots of attention:

I would point to the fact that Dr. King’s dream began to be realized when President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, when he was able to get through Congress something that President Kennedy was hopeful to do, the president before had not even tried, but it took a president to get it done. That dream became a reality. The power of that dream became real in people’s lives because we had a president who said, “We are going to do it,” and actually got it accomplished.

What’s gotten less attention is what Martin Luther King himself thought on this subject. Chris Rabb has the bad taste to point out that King wrote this in an article published in January, 1969 after his death:

The past record of the federal government, however, has not been encouraging. No president has really done very much for the American Negro, though the past two presidents have received much undeserved credit for helping us. This credit has accrued to Lyndon Johnson and John Kennedy only because it was during their administrations that Negroes began doing more for themselves. Kennedy didn’t voluntarily submit a civil rights bill, nor did Lyndon Johnson. In fact, both told us at one time that such legislation was impossible. President Johnson did respond realistically to the signs of the times and used his skills as a legislator to get bills through Congress that other men might not have gotten through. I must point out, in all honesty, however, that President Johnson has not been nearly so diligent in implementing the bills he has helped shepherd through Congress.

"Dude was the best TA ever"--direct quote

This past semester I was a teaching assistant for Intro to Sociology, which was a new and interesting trip for me. You see, being a TA means many different things at many different places. But what it means here in the sociology department at the U of M is usually that you show up to class, sit there while the prof lectures and pretend you're paying attention, hold office hours no one comes to, and grade things. Pretty straightforward, and not a bad way to make nearly 12 grand a year.

But Intro is different. When you're a TA for Intro, you have to run "discussion sections." These are basically smaller versions of the class because someone somewhere must have felt guilty about sticking 200 kids together in one class. So, in this case, I had an hour discussion section before class, then the three hour lecture, and then a differet discussion section after class.

And I learned something about myself. Namely, that I was hidesouly under-prepared for what went down. This was the first time in my life I ever had a class of my own. And there's not really a training session or practice or anything. You just kind of get thrown in there, told to teach something vaguely on-topic, and good luck. Well, I don't recall anyone telling me good luck.

This may have been the single most humbling experience of my life. I was a bit cocky going in; I mean, I know my stuff, I'm an outgiong guy, I've got extensive improv experience. I really thought I could handle pretty much anything, and besides, it's Intro--how hard could it be? Well, it turns out it's very hard. For example, on the very first day, I had planned what I was sure was way too much to do that day. When we were done with everything I had planned, we were a good 25 minutes into a 50 minute period. Not too much you can do there, other than admit you're an idiot on the very first day of class. A great way to start things.

But, still, what is the point of all these ramblings? Well, this past week I got my first set of student evaluations. And I mean ever, because I've never been in a position to be evaluated before. However, I just couldn't bring myself to read them. I mean, I really, really felt like I fucked up that class. To the point where I almost apologized on the last day because I felt like I had been so horridly out of place and done such a shoddy job.

But last night I finally read them. Now, I have to preface this by saying that probably more than half of the students only did the required bubble-sheet part of the eval (in which my average scores we exactly the same as the department averages), but a good number did actually write comments. The only negative one read "I wish I had been in Rehema's (the other TA) section because she grades easier." Technically not true because Rehema and I grade pretty much the same, but hey, not too shabby.

Overall, though, they were pretty damn positive, including the titular praise from this post, though the self-effacing part of me wants to think some of the good comments were sarcastic. In the end, I don't so much know that there's a point to this post other than a mixture of relief at evals that weren't anywhere as bad as I thought they'd be and my general vanity. But I suppose a grandiose point that can be brought home from this is that you should always cut yourself a little slack, because you're probably doing a much better job in life than you think you are.

I wonder what Terry Ryan's up to right now?

Well, he's gone.

And we got the possibility of having maybe one or two good players in the next couple years.

This hurts...real bad.

Please do not call me all day, for I will be curled in the fetal position, holding the beloved ticket stub from the game of his 1,000th strikeout to my chest, while gently sobbing.

Not to brag, but some of us saw this coming

I'm not one to give much creedence to the notion of issue burn-out, but even I can't get enraged about the war sometimes these days. I mean, does anyone out there believe in it anymore? Something like 60-70% of people consistently report they want the troops home. The troops themselves continually (according to surveys) say they don't believe in the war, and even the Republicans running for president are acknowledging it should be ending soemtime soon.

But if you don't mind, let me try to get us all riled up again for a minute. By now you've hopefully heard that the Bush administration lied at least 935 times to the American public in the run-up to the war. You know, the war that's costing us over 11 billion dollars a month.

Let's recap that really quick: We're spending $11 billion a month on a war that we have indisputible eveidence was based on a lie.

Even without the hundreds of thousands of dead people that's appaling. And now all of the Democrats are pretending they didn't know any better when they voted for the War in the first place, but in their defense, they already have enough to worry about right now because the houses they bought with sub-prime loans are being forclosed on (they were mis-lead about that one, too).

Of course, some of us saw this coming a little earlier (like, before the war started). So, if I could, I'd like to reiterate my appeal that next time you believe us. You know, before 100,000 or so people are dead, we've spent several hundred billion dollars, and we've completely destroyed our standing in the international community. Couldn't hurt to try.

The Difficulties of Cleaning the Bookshelf

I really love books. What can I say? I write that sentence and realize how painfully, painfully nerdy it is, but yet it is completely true. However, at the same time, I look at the bookshelf over-flowing with random literature and the random large piles of books in every corner of my room and realize I can't keep on going like this. Not only is it really annoying to have that many books in your room, I also am keenly aware of the fact that I'll have to move again at some point relatively soon, and I just can not believe I'm going to be willing to carry all of those books.

But now, after having spent a half hour going through the shelves and the floor, I've not even got half a box full of books I can let go of. And most of them are books I got for free when professors were retiring that I wasn't really even interested in to begin with. I just can't seem to let any of them go, even though I fully know I'm being completely ridiculous. The argument with my inner, rational self goes approximately like this:

Will you ever read Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling again? You hardly even read it when you was supposed to for an Intro to Philosophy class 6 years ago! Come on, it's a classic philosophical text! Why not keep it? Besides, it makes you look deep to have high-brow books sitting around.

But what about the obscure Marxist "theory" books that are really just crazy old men arguing historical minutae with one another? Yes, I know, but they're out of print. What if I want to read them someday? Then I won't have them and will forever curse the day I let that gem of a book go.

Ok...but a college textbook? Are you serious? Yeah, but that book changed my life when I was in college! I can't get rid of that! Citizen Kane got rid of Rosebud and look what happened to him! I don't want to die some crazy and embittered William Randolph Hearst stand-in muttering "the sociologically examined life" to myself as I slowly fade away into regret and nothingness.

And there I stand even still. I've got half a box full of books to give away, and several thousand arguments as to why I should never get rid of a single book ever again.

Dissecting the Democratic Debates

First of all, applaud me for avoiding the obvious and groan inducing triple-D comment in the title.

Anyway, in watching both the Democratic debates last night and before in New Hampshire (which, if you happened to be making a drinking game out of, be glad you didn't chose "drink every time they say change"), I think I'm ready to call it an Obama-Edwards ticket. Not that I wan't that ticket, but that's what I think it will be.

Sure Hilary had a win in New Hampshire and a big upset in Nevada, but we're moving to the South, where one could reasonably argue race could be a more positive factor than gender amongst Democratic primary attendees, and states like Minnesota, famous for electing the first Muslim member of Congress.

But there's also been some clear positioning. John Edwards, the Dickensian boot black of the debates ("Oi! Oy'll shine that White House up good, me will! Sharp as a thistle, clean as a whistle it'll be!"), has clearly been siddling up to Obama in the most shame-facedly naked display of desperation since the midget drove the tank. Edwards has clearly decided he has no shot and that he's hitchin' his wagon to the winning horse.

Pay attention the next time you hear him in a debate. He opens about half of his points with "So I argue, and Senator Obama agrees with me, blah blah blah" or "Senator Obama and I agree that blah blah blah" or some variation of that. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if during the debates he was writing "Obama + Edwards" inside of little hearts in his Lisa Frank notebook.

So you heard it here first: the Democrats will end up running an Obama-Edwards ticket, and they'll have the smilin'-est, most positive, can-do ticket in the history of politics.

Back with a depressing post

So after a month of crazy travels and oddly random adventures (much more on those later), I thought it best to come back swinging with some old school political rantings. So here goes:

This evening, in memory of Dr. King, I attended a showing of The Devil Came on Horseback, a documentary centering on Brian Steidle, an ex-Marine turned humanitarian observer in Sudan, and eventually the Darfur region.

Steidle was essentially the first person to bring back classified (for unknown reasons) photos of the genocide occuring in Darfur. While the horrific photos initially sparked intense media coverage of the issue (despite the Defense Department asking him to not share the photos with anyone), the attention waned and public focus moved on to [insert rant about mainstream media descent into tabloid coverage over actual news here].

A panel afterwards actually featured some insightful comments and ideas for action, including discussions of several divestment campaigns (I'm proud to report both the state of Minnesota and the U of M have divested all holdings from Sudan). But one of the most practical was a hotline that has been set up to contact elected officials urging them to take action:

1-800-GENOCIDE

In an ingenious move, all one needs to do is call the number and enter their area code. They can then press 1 to be connected to their Representative, 2 to be connected to their Senators, and 3 to be connected to the White House. It even plays a short recording of talking points for you to mention before you are connected.

And even someone as cynical as yours truly believes in the power of contacting elected officials, as even the hyper-conservative representative I had when I was in undergrad (Jim Nussle, at the time the Chairman fo the House Budget Committee...also famous for coming to session with a paper bag over his head) signed on to the call to close the School of the Americas citing constituent pressure, and this guy did not budge for anyne, so it must be useful for something.