Friday, April 28, 2006

Why I love my life...

Being a grad student can be difficult at times...long hours, late nights, all of them spend in the company of nerds.

But then again, it does have its privileges. Enter the Graduate Research Partnership Program. Having successfully obtained one, I'm off to study police riots. But of course, how can one study such events in Minneapolis?

That's why in a few short hours I will find myself on a plane to attend the United for Peace and Justice mass mobilization against the war in New York. Then next weeked, it's off to the TASER coporation's annual conference in sunny Las Vegas, Nevada.

All on the University's tab.

Sometimes being nerd isn't all that bad...

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Political Housekeeping

Don’t forget, the April 28th Walkout against the war is here…in two days.

Come out and stand up against war and look for the extra sexy Master of Ceremonies at the rally at the U..and look for me.

Then join us for the march down to MCTC for a concert against the war featuring Dessa, I Self Divine, Brother Ali, and many more kick-ass local groups.

Be there!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Best cartoon voiceover ever?

So last night when watching the new episode of Family Guy (man, that show has still not lost steam, even though it really looked like it would, but that's another post), I was thrilled to hear the voice of Betty White reading taped erotica. As you all know, Betty is the second hottest Golden Girl behind Bea Arthur, who voiced femputer in an episode of Futurama.

Betty, however, was also in an episode of the Simpsons (fundraising for Public Television). This got me wondering, has anyone ever pulled the cartoon hat trick? Could anyone be cool enough to have voiced on the Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy? It would seem likely to have some similarities between the Simpsons and Futurama, given their same creator, but could anyone do all three?

Turns out, the answer is no.

But there were some interesting facts pulled out of this search (graduate study makes you want to spend large amounts of time diverting yourself with inane subjects such as this). For example, both George Takai and Leonard Nemoy have pulled off appearances on both Groening shows. James Woods has been a central character of both a Simpsons episode and a Family Guy episode, although he can sadly never claim the same for Futurama. Bob Barker (no relation to the prison supply company Bob Barker industries) represents the best shot at the trifecta, as he has appeared on Futurama and the Family Guy (perchance the nerds of the world should be pestering FOX for a Barker guest spot on the Simpsons...I mean, what better do they have to do?)

So there you have it. Not that you ever wanted to know.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

I am so fucking sexy!

Great News! I am at least the 3,248,079,000th sexiest person in the world!

Recently, the Boston Phoenix came out with the list of the 100 unsexiest men, lead by the nasally-voiced Gilbert Gottfried and including such luminaries as Dr. Phil and Carrot Top. Though it has some notable missing persons (no Dom Delouise?!? Hello?!? Do they not watch Hollywood Squares?), it is probably more notable for who is not on the list.


That's right! While I may not be the most popular person with the ladies, I'm not on the list. Thus, according to world population estimates, I have to be at least the 3,248,079,000th sexiest person in the world, outranking even Brad Pitt (no kidding, check out the list), long known to be the only man I would be willing to forsake my years of paintakingly crafted heterosexual identity for.

But come to think of it, nearly all of the men on the list are from America, with the only exceptiong being Osama Bin Laden, and given the trouble we've had finding him, he may well be in America. As such, that means I have to be at least the 146,679,000 sexiest man in America!

I'm 146,679,000!
I'm 146,679,000!


Too bad I'm taken, ladies. You've all missed out on your chance to get with someone in the top 146,679,000. Losers.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

This is what you'll get, when you mess with us...

Probably my most boring and insipid post ever, just so you're warned.

For the past few days I've been siuck and out of commission, so I haven't done much, and thus have very little to blog about. Which got me thinking about the whole purpose of this li'l ol' blog. Initially, when I started it, I was hoping to make it all in-your-face politics, much like my very existance. But it since has devolved mostly into pointless music ramblings, semi-humorous life event histories, and (of course) blatant self promotion.

In short, despite my best efforts, instead of making this blog into a semi-resource for those interested in local and national politics, it already started to devolve into the pointless self-reflective whining I so hate about the internet.

So I figure, why fight it? I'm pretty sure the only 2 people reading this are my close friends anyway, so I'm going to give up the ghost of appealing to an audience that doesn't know me, an instead trying to make some humor for the people who actually go out of their way to read this.

Besides, if I'm going to his the readership of a feather-haired prof or even a cantankerous law student, I'm going to have to give some more entertaining content anyway. So here's to that.

Friday, April 21, 2006

New highs and lows...

The president's approval rating sits at 33% today, which is not much of the country. More interesting than that, though, is the fact that more people think we should teach creationism in our schools than approve of the president.

Now this tells us many things, but I think these are most compelling:
A) More people believe in batshit crazy stories about fairies and wizards than believe in the president, and...
2) Even the batshit crazy people who voted for him don't like him anymore

Now, a petty person mght say something like "See people, I told you he was fucking terrible, and you had two chances to elect someone else, but you wanted him, and now see what you got."

But I'm not a petty person, so I'll just leave it unsaid.

Friday, April 14, 2006

¡National Strike!

MONDAY, MAY 1st--National Strike for Immigrant Rights! The Great American Boycott!

Imagine a day without immigrants!

Building off of the success of the national marches for immigrant rights, the 1st of May (international labor day) has been chosen as the day for all peoples everywhere who are concerned with the rights of immigrants to take part in a general strike, not going to work and not purchasing anything.

Demand amnesty for all undocumented works!
Demand a no vote on the racist H.R. 4437!

This is not a flash in the pan, but the beginning of a major movement, the likes of which this nation has not seen since the civil rights era. Please do everything you can to help out what will go down as one of the most important events of this decade.

And it's not just us, the movement is going international.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

God bless you, William Sloan Coffin, R.I.P.

William Sloan Coffin died yesterday.

Coffin was a very progresive minister, organizer of the first Peace Corps training, co-organizer of the Freedom rides with MLK, a character in Doonesbury, and spent his last days opposing the Iraq war and "trying to find some justice for my homoexual friends," as he put it. I remember him most from a special episode of Now! with Bill Moyers, mostly because that episode featured footage of me and soem friends getting arrested at the STARC aromory in Johnston, IA, a move that subsequently got several of my friends called before a federal grand jury. But the interview with Coffin was the most revealing.

He said:

"It's one thing to say witht he prophet Amos 'Let justice roll down like mighty waters,' and quite another to work out the irrigation system"

The world is a worse place today because Coffin is not in it.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Have anarchists finally become useful?

I don't really hate anarchists. I mean, some of my best friends are anarchists. I just think anarchism is not necissarily the way to go. As a good friend/old professor dude once asked "How are they going to deal with drunk drivers? Organize a talking circle?"

Maybe that's being a bit unfair. But I do usually like to point out that poorly photocopied 'zines about why you shouldn't wear deoderant are unlikely to foster the revolution, which may or may not come as a shock to you, depending on the amount of 'zine reading you do. (In a note of disclosure, I read no 'zines. They scare me, and I'm much more comfortable with your traditional book and/or magazine format.)

But I may be coming around, for I have finally found the answer. It is the Tacitical Ice Cream Unit! The TICU is a high-tech anarchist mobile that goes around distributing (free) ice cream and agit-prop. From their website:

Although the TICU appears to be a mild-mannered vending vehicle, it harbors a host of high-tech surveillance devices including a 12-camera video surveillance system, acoustic amplifiers, GPS, satellite internet, a media transmission studio capable of disseminating live audio/video, and of course, ice cream. With every free ice cream handed out, the sweet-toothed citizenry also receives printed information developed by local progressive groups. Thus, the TICU serves as a mobile nexus for community activities while providing frosty treats and food-for-thought.

While I wonder where anarchists got the money for such a project (GPS? 12 camera surveillance system? Iced cream?), I have to admit it's a pretty damn good idea. The critic in me wants to dewll on the fact that they seem to only be using it at events where everyone already probably agrees with them, rathing than roaming the streets and taking it to the people, but I gotta admit this is one of the coolest ideas I've seen in a long damn time.

I would say kudos to anarchists, but they wouldn't want the kudos, and I'd probably have to sit through a half-hour lecture on why kudos are a fascist, imperialist, capitalist, sexist, homophobic, racist, and anti-choice conception, so instead I'll just say...yay!...for ice cream!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Si, se puede!

(sorry, I've not yet figured out how to make the upside-down exclamation mark. Turns out my computer skills, much like my Spanish skills, are pretty much non-existant)

It what turned out to be one of the largets marches in the history fo Minnesota, over 30,000 people turned out yesterday for the March for Immigrant Rights. With massive protest all over the nation, most notable the 1,000,000 people marching in Califronia, the sleeping giant that is the Hispanic-American movement has awakened once again.

All of this has been enacted in reponse to the racist House bill H.R.4437, a bill that would instantly make all undocumented Americans felons, as well as anyone who has ever helped them in anyway. It also begins another push at that rediculous new Great Wall project that wingnuts have been begging for since we first stole half of Mexico.

So (with a tip of the hate to Josh Scimshaw), to make a long story even longer but in summarizing it, give it the illusion of brevity, the movement is strong, but it needs your help. Please contact your representatives today and tell them to oppose the new segregation.

As Ceaser Chavez would ask: "Can we do it? Si, se puede!"

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


"We're gonna win Twins. We're gonna score. We're gonna win Twins. Watch that baseball soar. Knock out a home run. Shout a hip-hooray! Cheer for the Minnesota Twins today!"

Ah, spring, the time a young man's fancy truns very far away from studies and veers toward baseball...and girls...but mostly baseball.

It was quite depressing last night to watch El Presidente lose his first start of the year. Sure, I know they have to lose one here and there, but the first game of the year?!? And it was all my fault, because I was too busy reading very un-baseball related texts. They rallied when I skipped reading to watch a bit of the game, but their spirit's were too deflated to keep going when I had to turn it off.

But what a difference a day makes! I put off all that annoying (and extremely pressing) studying to rally my boys, and the responded. They dumped 13 runs on some good Blue Jays pitching, roughly equaling the amount of runs they've scored from the year 200 until now. Could this be the year their bats catch up to their pitching? I don't want to jinx it, but I did have a very strong urge to get all 5 Homer Hankies out...

Ok, maybe it's a bit early for that, but it sure as hell beats studying.

How do you spin this?

So you're a Republican, and everything is either the fault of terrorists or their friends, the liberal media. It's a pretty simple formula that works pretty well, most of the time. But how do you spin this to be no one's fault?

A Department of Homeland Security spokesman has been arrested on charges of attempting to seduce a child. In fact, he was arrested on seven accounts, and had even given his goverment-issue cell phone number to a detective posing as a 14-year old girl. The conversations he had with the "girl" online were so graphic the police said they had never heard anything so disgusting before. He has admitted to the charges and turned himself in.

Sounds pretty open and shut, right?

No! Far from it! Obviously, he's not guilty, he's a victim of the liberal media machine steamrolling over innocent Christians (of which I can only assume he is one) because of their hatred for all that is good and pure.

Remember, these are the same people that have shot a man in the face and gotten away with it, declared "mission accomplished" despite the massive growing totals of casualties and gotten away with it, have openly admitted to illegal wiretapping and gotten away with it, and invaded another country illegaly and are still getting away with it. On top of that, anyone who points out how rediculous this all is must be anti-American, anti-family, anti-Christian, and anti-everything that is good and holy.

Just makes you wonder how they're going to be able to make child molestation a family value, doesn't it?