After spending a nice spring break in Appleton, Wisconsin (home of Houdini, Joe McCarthy, and Willem Defeo), I came home to find someone had bashed out the passenger side window on my car. The irony of this is that there was literally nothing to steal in my car, and true enough nothing is gone. For crying out loud, I have a $5 AM/FM stereo I bought at a junkyard and wooden cupholders my dad made me after a previous robbery. I'm not really sure what they thought they were going to get out of this operation in the first place.
But there was one thing missing: the ash tray.
And this wasn't a secret stash-of-money ashtray. I don't have any stashes of cash, because I'm about as broke as my car. Nope, it was just a tiny ash tray full of old candy wrappers and half-chewed gum. What they could want with it was beyond me.
Until it hit me--you may remember that this past winter, some vandals stole my cupholders. Well, there's really nothng else to conclude than that this was the same group of people. Having satiated their thirst (pardon the pun) for my cupholders, they have returned for the ash tray.
And it can only follow from that that somewhere in a dank warehouse in this fair city, sits my cupholders and my ash tray side-by-side. These are not isolated events, this is the work of mastermind car thieves who are stealing my precious little Nissan piece by piece until they can reconstruct it elsewhere. It may be the most insidious and hard-to-detect form of car thievery in existance.
So you can bet your sweet ass that as soon as that glass is replaced, I'm keeping a watchful eye on my shifter knob before those bastards come back and take that and the volume knobs on my stereo. After all, at this rate, my entire car will be gone by 2029...
No comments:
Post a Comment