Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Adding More Fuel to a Pointless Fire

As you may have noticed on this blog, I will from time to time take a break from political rantings and sports chatter to make fun of Wisconsin. Why? Partially because it's so easy, but mostly because as a partisan of my adopted home state of Minnesota, Wisconsonian is by default my natural enemy (though I'm half Wisconsin by birth, which makes for complicated feelings, but hey, we're all complex people aren't we?). These two great states of the frozen North have been locked in a battle since time immemorial to prove that we're real states and not forgotten fly-over country, as the rest of the nation seems to view us. Of course, we both look down our noses at the Dakotas, but hey, even the band nerds can make fun of the special ed kids.

(Disclaimer: I don't endorse or condone the mockery of special education students. They are simply the only people below band nerds in the high school social hierarchy...)

So to add fuel to a completely unnecessary fire, I like to point out flaws in the state of cheese and high-quality paper products, such as their unusually high bar to grocery store ratio. Or their development of a special cheese-slicing laser (because the good folks in Madison have apparently never heard of the knife). Or a yard full of fiberglass statues, which I think is technically the Wisconsin MOMA.

But recently, it's come to my attention that the "Forward" state is home to none other than Stalin's only daughter. Granted, she probably had little to do with the famous purges that allegedly killed up to 20 million Russians, but it is telling that when she wanted to pick a place to run to and hide where no one would ever bother looking, it seems her first choice was Wisconsin...

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