Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Is Brett Favre Acutally Jesus, Or Does He Just Act Like Him?

You may have noticed that Brett Favre pulled off another drama-filled start last night, even though he didn't finish it. While some could argue this was a dick move, as rookie Joe Webb had been slated to make his first ever professional start only to have it ripped away from him at the last minute by an attention-seeking fame whore, few actually argued this. In fact, to most commentators it was nothing short of miraculous.

And unfortunately they would not shut the fuck up about it. Courtesy of our good friends at Deadspin, here's a collection of quotes people actually said about Brett Favre starting a meaningless football game. I emphasize that it's A) only a football game and 2) one that doesn't even matter for Favre or his team, because you might think he cured cancer.

Anyway, these are all things people who are paid to speak came up with:

The Vikings had the early momentum, when Favre made a miraculous recovery from a shoulder injury and suited up.
Did he really have one of those miracle moments where he woke up and was feeling a lot better than he had been the day before?
Somewhat miraculous, considering he was 100% out as of Saturday.
Favre made some sort of miraculous recovery in the last 24 hours, another one of his miraculous recoveries.
Cold, snow, wind, Favre making a miraculous recovery.
A miracle, is what it was, only slightly less miraculous than what happened to Lazarus.

I particularly like that it was apparently only slightly less miraculous than when Jesus fucking raised a guy from the dead.

Some sort of local youngster must have been listening to all this hyperbolic bullshit and naturally came up with this:

We got it wrong -- Brett Favre isn't like Jesus, he is Jesus!

No comments: