Politics!

Anyone who's taking the time to read this knows how fucked up the treatment of RNC protestors has been, but especially for those charged with the completely bullshit terrorism counts. Below is a communiqué from the Friends of the RNC 8:

A petition by Friends of the RNC 8 has been put together calling for the Ramsey County Attorney Susan Gaertner to drop all the charges against the RNC 8. Defend The RNC8! Dismiss the Charges! : http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/defendthernc8

The goal is 100,000 signatures. Please take a moment to sign the petition. Then help get the word out by forwarding the petition to friends and family or posting a link on your Facebook page.

For updates on the case visit: http://rnc8.org . To get automatic email updates, sign up here: http://rnc8.org/get-updates/

The legal costs for the RNC 8 are estimated at $250,000. Donations can be made via PayPal or you can mail in a check (there is even a tax deductible option). All the information you need is at: http://rnc8.org/donations/
Donations of all sizes are greatly appreciated.

Fuck the Weak and Elderly, I'm Setting a World Record

Today the U attempted (and succeeded well beyond expectations) to set the world record for most flu shots given in one day. Your humble li'l blogger is but one of many who helped set this record, but still, that makes me a world record holder in some sort of miniscule way. Can I claim such credit when I was one of thousands and was in no way involved beyond spending 10 minutes waiting in line and getting a simple flu shot? No, I really can't. But did I go ahead and put "World Record Holder" on my c.v.? Yes, yes I did. For I see very little difference between what that show-boating Bolt guy did and what I did. And I'm not even bragging as much as he did...


Sadly not the world record I hold

Whoopsie, Sorry About Your House and Retirement

Anyone following the news of this whole economic crisis by now knows that Alan Greenspan, that financial "genius" who would ensure us endless growth and prosperity, has now admitted he was wrong. It turns out this genius is just now figuring out that completely un-regulated markets directed by the greed of executive boards of major corporations will not lead to the greatest good for everyone. It's funny because I learned this in college, but maybe Greenspan's undergrad institution wasn't quite as prestigious as the University of Northern Iowa.

But that's why it must be great to be a powerful capitalist. Because even when you fuck up the world's economy using logic a child could see through, you get to just kick back and say "Whoops. Sorry about ruining the lives of thousands of people and all that. Well, it's back home for me to count my giant piles of money."

Man, nice work if you can get it...

Funk The War in the Twin Cities Today

A roving dance party/anti-war protest. It honestly gets no better than this.

Be there. Or be square. And fuck Huey Lewis, you do not want to be square.

More Music You *Need* To Hear

How on the heels of my post the other day, yet another group has come out with a book on the 500 songs you should hear before you die. Not quite sure why all of these lists reference your impending doom, but hey...

This one is from the fine folks at Pichfork, so expect a lot of uppity sass, pretension, and condescension mixed in amongst your reviews. Though on the plus side, after reading it you can be the pretentious music asshole at the party, and everybody wants to be that guy, right? Right?

Wordless Outrage, etc.

The Denver Police Department is currently producing and selling these t-shirts:



So yes, just so you can be up to speed: the Denver PD has designed, produced, and is currently selling shirts in which they proudly proclaim they beat people. And in case you can't see the details in the photo, the "peace" officer in question is wearing a button featuring a 68 with a slash through it, no doubt in reference to the group "Recreate 68" that planned many of the protest events.

Ironically for me I get word of this shirt while in the midst of writing a prelim section on police brutality. While I can't sum the whole thing up here, I think the shirt says it better than I could anyway. Police brutality is not an aberration of which the police are ashamed. Rather, it's something quite common and something which they're obviously quite proud of.

However, this does make me wonder how many Denver PD will be wearing this shirt when they're called into court facing civil lawsuits over their excessive violence during the DNC. I would guess that all of a sudden they'll be very contrite and pretend they didn't do anything wrong. But then again, I suppose that's the way it is with all cowardly bullies: they're the biggest and meanest kids around until they get in trouble...

I Have Seen the Future (of football)

And it is the a11 offense.

Developed by a small-enrollment high school football coach as a way to compete with much bigger teams, it exploits a loophole in the kick-formation rules to make all 11 players on the field potentially eligible receivers on every play. As one might imagine, it creates both havoc for defenders and some pretty cool youtube videos.

The coach who developed it argues it's the next evolution in football, as pass rushers get too fast for linemen and they become obsolete.

Now, I don't know that the o-line is going to become obsolete anytime too soon, but it's an intriguing development. As I've argued here before, football is getting to a crisis of size. Even college linemen have ballooned to obscene weights, and even some high school linemen are topping 300 pounds. Now, the vast majority of these kids putting themselves into such harmful body weights will never earn money for playing the sport, but will still be stuck for life with the debilitating problems such massive size brings. Heck, even the ones who do end up getting paid can look forward to an average life expectancy of 55.

Innovations like the a11 could be the way out of this arms race (or body race, to be more accurate), as they call for a leaner, faster player instead of bigger and bulkier players. And it has the added advantage of less serious injuries, as the crushing head-on blows of the current game are replaced with glancing blows in the open field.

Predictably, several states have already banned the use of the offense, with critiques running from it being too hard on opposing defenses to it simply being too confusing for refs, but it's gaining in popularity throughout the nation. It's far too early to say if it will be the new thing or simply a passing fad, but it could be a signpost toward a positive evolution of possibly the most violent game on the earth.

Oh, But I Love Solids

As I've pointed out in this space before, getting sick sucks when you're a grown up. Gone are the days of laying around in bed without a care in the world while all the other suckers have to go about their daily lives. No, as an "adult," when you get sick, you merely get much busier when you're better. Case in point: I woke up wednesday with a ridiculous stomach flu. Bad enough to send me to the doctor's office, and I never go to the doctor. It's a scary place and they no longer give me a lollipop for my troubles.

But it turns out it was nothing too serious, though I'm still off the solid foods (though I tried some toast this morning, so keep your fingers crossed). But the shitty thing is that right now I'm working on my prelim, which is more or less a big paper that is either good enough and I get to become a bonafide doctoral candidate, or is not good enough and I fail out and go back to selling match sticks on the corner for my 18th century, Dickensian step-father.

So as the good Doc was telling me not to leave bed for the next three days and offering to write me a note to get out of class, I couldn't help but laugh and wish that I was still at a stage where a nice Dr.'s note got you out of pretty much everything. Instead, I went home and attempted to write through the fog...I haven't gone back and looked at those sections yet, but I'm imagining they aren't very good.

So it looks like a fun weekend of playing catchup, once again shredding what few moments of free time I hoped to have...

Oh, and since I haven't blogged on anything political in awhile, remember how the New York Times uncovered the secret Pentagon program of writing fake news reports and other propaganda to convince Americans and Iraqis that the highly unpopular occupation is a good idea? Well, it's still going on, just fine and with no signs of stopping.

What You Should Listen To...

There's a great number of interesting music blogs I've been tempted to ape when I have some rare free time for writing such flippant things (most intriguing is the favorite song for every year you've lived idea), but one I fear I shall never try is the the 1,000 songs you must hear before you die.

Since seeing the list, I've been brimming with ideas of who would be on my must-hear list, though I feel like it's really a list that a 26 year old kid shouldn't/can't be writing. Maybe I'll leave it until the days I'm old and gray, sitting in some sort of fancy future rocking chair, sipping some sort of fancy future tea, and complaining about the weird fancy future music all of those damn future kids are listening to.

But I do have the workings of a list started. Perhaps I'll write the 250 songs you need to hear by the time you're 30; I don't know. But I do know that any such list is incomplete unless it heavily features the shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner, the bong-rattling bass of Mel Schacher and the competent drumwork of Don Brewer...

The Shark Messiah Arrives

Scientists have just confirmed the second known virgin birth of a shark, which could only mean one thing:

The sharks now have their messiah.

What does this mean for humanity? Only one thing, I'm afraid: The sharks will rise up, led by this new shark messiah and will over-take humanity at the top of the global food chain.

There is nothing left to do now except accept out new overlords. And let me be first to say, woe to all those who challenge the intelligence and temerity of our new shark leaders! All hail the shark!

Time To Party Like It's 1999 (+2)

Ah, the halcyon days of 2001...N*Sync was still considered a valid pop group, an aging Joe Piscapo pondered a run for the governor of New Jersey, the events of September 11th Changed The World Forever™, and the domestication of the dog continued unfettered.

In honor of their 10th birthday, Google has created Google 2001, allowing you to search their oldest available index, which, as you may have guessed, is from 2001.

So go play around on it and be reminded of a simpler time before moose-hunting secessionists and a massive economic crisis...it's kinda fun.



The top internet fraud scams of 2001...

Getting Cold and Manning Up

Here in the great north, turning the furnace on is a big deal every winter. While sooner or later everyone has to break down and turn it on, it becomes a point of pride to see how long you can go before turning to the comforts of artificial heat. Personally, I think having your heater running anytime before November is a sign of getting soft, but opinions vary.

So while I've been able to hold off on the thermostat, I did today have to bust out the insulated slippers. It feels early, but it's a cold and miserable day, and I think I'm getting sick, so I finally had to break down and admit it's getting to be cold outside.

But while my feet have given out on me, at least I haven't turned the heat on yet...

The One Benefit of Private Schools

I'm not a fan of private schools. I'm sure it's due partially to the fact that I've attended nothing but public schools throughout my life, but it's more an ideological stance. Education is a basic human right that should be afforded to all, not split between those who can afford great schools and ghettoized prison complexes for the rest of us.

But while at the lady friend's college reunion this weekend, I learned the one upside of private schools: there is a much better chance some of their wealthy alumnus have gone on to do something famous. Or in this case, marry someone famous.

For you see, the fourth Mrs. Gingrich is a proud Luther College Alumnus. And this affords you a chance to annoy Mr. Contract With America himself, while he takes awkward sideways glances at the leftist propaganda emblazoned all over your bag and clothes. But being a good politician, he faked a smile for us anyway:



Remember when I was a relevant political figure?

When Do The Police Answer for Their Fuck Ups?

Amongst the many people who had their houses illegally searched and were detained for no reason prior to the RNC (well, check that, detained for the very specific reason of preventing them from using their constitutionally protected rights to free speech), one was longtime local activist and founder of Arise! bookstore.

Why was his house raided and all of its occupants arrested? Because police "intelligence" confirmed that he was receiving shipments of weapons to violently shut down the RNC. The only problem is that the police were completely wrong.

The boxes of weapons in question were nothing but pamphlets about vegetarianism which, while a very backward and dangerous ideology, probably does not necessitate breaking into people's houses with your guns drawn and arresting everyone inside.

But what I really want to know is why the police don't have to answer for such monumental fuck-ups. If I tried to publish a paper with such obviously wrong ideas and was proved to be incorrect in every way possible, I would laughed out of my profession. But if cops operate on obviously faulty intelligence and harass law-abiding citizens, nothing what-so-ever happens to them. In fact, their mayor comes out in support of them saying they showed admirable restraint.

Good work if can get it, I suppose...

Well...

...let's go Tigers.

September Baseball and Community

Growing up in a small state with no professional sports teams, there wasn't really a consensus on who to root for. Sure, I was a die-hard Twins fan, but most of my friends liked the Cubs, or Cardinals, or any of the other teams from bordering states. So when your team won, there weren't too many people to celebrate with. You just kind of went about your day happy for a victory, but alone in your joy. Which, in a way, takes away some of the best parts of sports; namely, having an amazing collective experience.

But living in the same city as the team you love is an incredibly different story. It really is like that scene in Major League where the punks are hugging the suits and the rabbis are hugging the clerics and all of that. Just wearing a Twins shirt or hat opens you up to the possibility of conversation everywhere you go.

And it really is a great feeling. Not to go on a Putnam-esque rant about the state of today's society, but big city folk don't usually talk to strangers. It really makes the town feel a whole lot more homey when everyone has a smile for everyone else after an amazing three-game sweep of the hated rivals. Even the buses flash "Go Twins" between giving route information on their little electronic signs.

I'm tempted to wax philosophically about the power of sport to bring us all together, but I know whatever unity it brings is ephemeral and fleeting. But still, when you're in a playoff hunt in september, it's pretty amazing the way everyone is suddenly friends...

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Welcome your FIRST-PLACE Minnesota Twins!

Obligatory Twinkies Post

Despite sending away arguably their two best players this past winter, the Twins are again playing meaningful* September baseball. And damn if it ain't exciting. At the game last night I definitely got some grey hairs out it all, but in the end saw another young guy step up and saw Twitchy McXanax get his 200th career save.

And with time being a major crunch for me lately (possibly related to the fact that I'm spending a bit more time watching baseball than I probably should), I don't have time to go on a full-length rant about the state of parity in Major League Baseball, but suffice it to say that it just came out that the Yankees spend twice as much on their payroll as the Rays and Twins combined. In fact, just the left half of their infield (Jeter and A-Rod) make more than either the Twins or the Rays payroll.

And yet, the Rays are cruising to 1st place in possibly the best division in baseball, and Twins are gutting it out again with a bunch of 23 year old kids making 15 cents a day.

As with all things in Minnesota, you have to measure them on a different rubric. I can't see these Twins going too far in the post-season (but I love their chances next year), but right now, all of this is good enough that I don't really care. For late-season fights for the pennant are the Minnesota version of playoffs anyway.




*Yes, I know in the grand scheme of life no baseball is actually meaningful, but in the context of things, etc...

Mainstream Criminology and Market Failures

I'm TA-ing for Intro to the American Criminal Justice System right now, and as much as it's an interesting class, the content is a bit different from how I would teach it. For in this class, the students are learning about two mainstream theories of crime -- Order Maintenance Policing (OMP) and Collective Efficacy.

Basically, OMP says that if you aggressively police small crimes like vandalism and loitering, it sends a message that crime is not welcome and will prevent bigger crimes from happening. Despite some very thorough and convincing research that this doesn't actually work, it sounds like it makes intuitive sense. On the other side of things, collective efficacy holds that the more social cohesion there is in the neighborhood, the less likely people are to commit crimes because they see that everyone is committed to a safe neighborhood and won't tolerate illegal activities.

Now, there are tons of problems with both of these theories (for instance, use either of them to explain Enron to me), but the biggest problem is that they both rest on a highly punitive theory that sees people as rationally calculating actors who will commit crimes if it's more profitable than legal activity and vice-versa. Therefore, we just need to raise the costs of doing crime (longer jail sentences, etc.) and people will stop committing criminal acts.

Of course, such a line of logic completely misses the fact that most property crimes are committed because the person in question has no other choice. It's not like they're weighing the options of a Harvard MBA versus mugging people. They're much more likely to be weighing starvation and homelessness against mugging people.

But an even bigger problem with such logic is that those who spout it know full damn well it doesn't work and are clearly only using it as a way to round up the poor and minorities, providing cheap prison labor, easy scapegoats, a roll-back of the civil rights movement, and a whole host of other disingenuous motives.

And how am I able to make such audacious claims about their motives? Because when the criminals are wealthy elites, suddenly the logic flies right out the window, as the above cartoon illustrates. For the poor we can't have rehabilitation instead of prison, as the conservatives argue, because it will make people dependent on the state and not punish them for their crimes. However, when you purposefully commit illegal acts and create a national financial crisis, you get $700 billion, which of course in no way encourages future criminal action. No, it sends the strong message that white collar crime will not be accepted.

So let that be a message to you, future CEOs of America: if you act criminally and fuck up the entire nation's financial system, we will harshly punish you by giving you hundreds of billions of dollars. So please, walk the straight and narrow.

Two Short Plays About the American Economy

Here's what would happen if I fucked up really bad and lost a bunch of money on a shady housing deal:

Jesse: Oh fuck! This house I clearly couldn't afford is being taken away from me!

U.S. Government: Of course it is! You should manage your finances better.

Jesse: But now I'll be homeless and destitute! Where can I go? What can I do?

U.S. Government: Well, maybe being homeless for awhile will teach you a valuable lesson about fiscal responsibility.

Jesse: Dang, looks like it's back to living in the car for me!


Here's what would happen if I were the CEO of a major lending firm:

Jesse the CEO: Oh fuck! Lending large sums of money to people I knew full well would not be able to pay me back has bitten me in the ass. I clearly have no idea what I'm doing!

U.S. Government: That's ok. Here's 700 billion dollars with no strings attached. Enjoy!

Please contacts your Senators and Reps.

Arg, It Be That Time Agayne

Yes, once again it is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and for your help and edification, here's the official guide to talking like a pirate, including how to speak like a pirate in German, Swedish, and Mandarin.

More Innocent People Dying, blah, blah, blah

The busy semester is keeping me really busy (as one might infer from it being called "the busy semester"), so I haven't had much time to crank out some thoughtful blogposts. In the meantime, I'll just keep you posted on many of the standard yet horrible injustices going on in the world.

Horrible injustices such as Georgia Executing an Innocent Man. It's a fascinating case with the particulars, but otherwise it's the standard police couldn't find a suspect so they shoe-horned an innocent blackman into the role and now he's going to lose his life for happening to have been where he was at the time the actual crime was committed story...

How Do You Know It's Gotten Out of Hand?

When Karl Rove says you've gone too far. I haven't actually seen the commercial in question, but when the dark overlord of all that is unholy says you're going too far, chances are you've said something pretty fucking terrible.

You know what else went way too far? The policing at the RNC. Want to see a really good example of the cops needlessly pepper-spraying and beating an unarmed and passive protestor, and then closing ranks around her so they could beat her without the camera being able to pick it up? Well, the click here, but I'll warn you in advance, it's pretty disturbing. Though not as disturbing as what they've been accused of doing once inside the protective walls of the local jails when there was absolutely no chance of a television camera picking it up...

The Art of Being a Dick, featuring Norm McDonald

Being a dick is a difficult thing. It isn't just about making fun of people, or making passers-by uncomfortable. The talented ones can do it and not look like jerks in the process. For example, my brother is one of the few who has elevated it to a fine art. Even when he's being such a dick that you can't stand it, on a certain level you have to applaud both the commitment and cleverness involved. It's actually kind of a beautiful thing on an odd meta-level.

Norm McDonald has basically made a career out of it, and few are better. See for instance, this recently uncovered clip of him being a giant ass on Conan many years ago:



But note that what makes it wonderful is that even though he's being a giant dick to everyone involved, it seems warranted. After all, it is indeed a stupid career move to leave a top-rated show for a Carrot Top movie that has a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, even if you are Courtney Thorne-Smith. And really, wouldn't most people rather see Norm McDonald make fun of a flash-in-the-pan star than hear another rehearsed, packaged interview comprised of nothing but pre-written studio sotck phrases? I think so...

Who's Reading Jesse's Bog? Part IV In a Never-Ending Series

I'm not much of one to shill for people (except for the great taste of Miller Lite©...great taste, less filling. Just one of the many fine beverages from the good folks at the Miller Brewing Corporation), but I do have to give a shout-out to google analytics. It's this really sweet program that tracks everything you could ever want to know about who is visiting your website or blog.

And trust me, it gets really fascinating. For example, I know that I have a certain international appeal, but now it's been confirmed, for my humble li'l blog has been visited by people on every single continent. Save, of course, Antarctica. Though to be fair, they don't keep track of antarctic visitors, so for all I know they're reading it down there, too.

And that's a pretty cool feeling. Of course, as I've acknowledged before, a pretty healthy chunk of those "people" are really just trolling internet programs trying to sell me black market viagra, but still, some portion of the visitors to my blog must be real flesh and blood human beings.

Some of the nations of visitors are surprising (I'm kind of a big deal in Yemen, it turns out), but others I could have guessed. The Cannucks seem big on me, and I'm huge in both Germany and France. They must be tuning in for my progressive America-bashing and/or support for socialized medicine. I also get a fair number of hits from India, but to be fair, even if I were getting thousands of hits from India it would still be only about .000001% of their population.

Though I would really like to point out that I have hits from China, meaning my li'l ol' blog is safe enough to get through official government censorship. Now, maybe it's just because I'm a communist, but I like to think that the demand for my witty insights into life is so high that even totalitarian governments must bend to the will of my many fans. Or they're the ones posting all of the discount viagra comments. Either way, though, it's pretty cool.


Update: After posting this, I just realized it's 9/11 today...so you know, bake an American-flag shaped cake or punch an immigrant or something. We all have to do our part, you know.

Helping You and Needing Some Help

One doesn't simply go from being an all-american small town altar boy to a rabble-rousing, law-breaking malcontent all by themselves. Sure, I had a head start on it compared to most people with a lefty family and an economically devastated hometown with no opportunities to show me the dismal side of our political and economic system, but even I needed a nudge along the way.

And many people along the way helped me a great deal, but amongst those who did the most, one finally pushed e from respectable upstanding citizen to common criminal. Fr. Frank Cordaro (ret.) of the Des Moines Catholic Worker House was the first to introduce me to a life of civil disobedience and Christian resistance.

The Des Moines Catholic Worker House is a part of the larger Catholic Worker movement, made up of Anarchist Catholics dedicated to serving the poor and remedying social injustices. They have given up nearly all of their material possessions and live in community and poverty. The Des Moines Catholic Worker not only feeds the homeless daily (as well as providing them many other services), they are also the heart and soul of the Iowa peace movement. Whether it's been protesting the Iowa Air National Guard's patrolling of the no fly zones in Iraq (which means preventing needed food and medicine from reaching the Iraqi people) or attempting a people's arrest of Karl Rove for War Crimes, they provide the services our government can't or won't to the people who need it the most.

But like most everyone in Iowa, they were hit pretty hard by the floods. Especially considering all of the members of the worker community live in formerly condemned houses they have rehabilitated, which as you may guess, don't hold up so well to floods. Due to many circumstances beyond their control, they are also down in numbers of community members right now as well, so they are having an especially hard time recovering from the damages.

And we cannot let this community die, or we can kiss goodbye a great chunk of all Midwestern radical peace organizing (these people do a lot of work, I'm telling you). If you're at all inclined, send a donation to them here:

Donations
C/O Frank Cordaro
Phil Berrigan CW House
713 Indiana Avenue, Des Moines, IA 50314
www.DesMoinesCatholicWorker.org

Of if you happen to be in Des Moines, stop by and lend a hand. Tell 'em Jesse sent you. And, as always, keep them in your prayers.

The Rest of the RNC

So it turns out that when you have a bunch of work piling up, the semester starts, and you're busy protesting every day, you run out of time for the little things, like sleeping, eating, and of course, blogging.

But now that all the confetti has been cleared out, all of the police have been tucked back into their suburban homes, heavy with the happy rest that only 4 full days of hippie ass whompin' can give you, and all of the rabble have been safely charged with ridiculous made-up felony charges, I have some more free time on my hands. Which is not to say I have much free time, but enough to vaguely keep my head above water.

Day 3 of the RNC was pretty low key for me. There weren't any major actions planned, but I did go to a great performance of Wake Up World, the world's only 6-hour long morning show, created by one of the co-creators of the Daily Show. It was a fun time, but mostly we were there for Billy Bragg's intimate performance, which was quite good but ended far too soon so we could watch that lipstick-wearing pitbull, or whatever the hell that speech was about.

And that night, yet another Rage concert ended in arrests, as concertgoers from their downtown Target Center performance we arrested en masse for charges that still haven't been made clear. Though I imagine if they had been at say, a Toby Keith concert and acted in the exact same manner they probably would not have been arrested.

Day 4 we had been warned by our inside informant to stay away because the cops were really ramping up their efforts that day, and sure enough, as I mentioned in an earlier post, about 300-400 people were arrested that afternoon to put the week's arrest total over 800 (compared to 150 arrests at the DNC in Denver). Given the amped-up presence and a relationship event of significance, the lady friend and I took a personal day and avoided the melee.

So now things are back to relative normativity, but all of those charged with a felony last week (which was scientifically determined by what each person was wearing, according to scores of those arrested and legal observers) have launched a class action lawsuit against the city of St. Paul and local fascist demagogue Bob Fletcher for their heavy-handed and inept policing of the RNC. But, the RNC 8, those arrested in pre-RNC raids held on some serious felony charges, still face some really bad prison time for expressing their right to free speech. If this makes you a little uncomroftable with the state of our democracy, please check out their website and help 'em out.

Out of Order Quick Post

So really quickly, the police crackdown has dramatically increased. They shut down a march today and expect to have arrested several hundred people, putting the total reached in the week somewhere near 700 people total having been arrested. Tonight's arrests included 15 reporters, who were obviously neither protesting nor breaking any damn laws.

If you disagree with the Heartland becoming a police state, please contact Ramsey County Sheriff Bob Fletcher at 651.266.9333, and ask him to please stop trampling the last shreds of our constitution. While you're at it, please share thoughts with St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman (651.266.8510).

It doesn't really have anything to do with where you fall on the political spectrum...this is embarrassing to all of us as citizens of democracy and human beings.

Day 2 of the RNC

Day 2 was a pretty interesting day all around. To begin with, it was the first day of school, and I've drawn possibly the worst TA assignment one can get this semester, so I'll be having an interesting school year, but that's largely beside the point.

A friend had gotten some tickets to the taping of the Daily Show, it's first day here in St. Paul. After waiting three plus hours just to get inside, we finally got to sit down and wait for another hour. Finally the pre-show warm-up guy came out, and after nearly half of the sociology department had been involved in his little set, John Stewart came out to do some q+a before the show started. And it takes way to much background information to work out of context, but suffice it to say that this humble li'l blogger asked a question good enough to make him laugh and throw him off his game a little bit, which made me feel way cooler than it should have. But at least I got a good story out of it.

The show was really fun to watch live like that, and provided me with many great stories, but the real story was on the streets. After the taping, they wouldn't let us leave because all of downtown was on lockdown. Earlier in the day, there was a free concert, and when Anti-Flag tried to cut their set short and give the stage over to a surprise Rage Against the Machine performance, the police cut the power and shut down the show. Zach grabbed a megaphone and lead the crowd in some acapella versions of a few Rage songs, but then the concert was broken up and the police forced everyone into the streets, where they met up with a pre-existing rally...a brilliant strategy for keeping peace and order.

But the real excitement for the night was after the taping, when we were able to stand on the street and watch fascism in action. After the rally passed, they were followed by phalanx after phalanx of riot police (over 150, by my count). All of a sudden, all of the police lined up single file, knelt in unison, and took off their helmet to put on gas masks, then stayed bent over and covered their heads.

So that was definitely a scary moment, but we got away without being gassed (though they were apparently gassing people up the street). However, my inside source at the St. Paul PD then texted me to get the hell out of there because the National Guard was being called in with live ammunition (live ammunition meaning real bullets).

So I got out with my life, but it was another long, fun, and scary day. But I guess I'm going to keep up with this one-day-behind coverage, so check back in tomorrow for day 3 news, featuring another Rage concert leading to arrests and an intimate Billy Bragg show.

I'll be checking out the last protest this afternoon which may be against my better judgement, seeing as this is the pigs' last chance to whomp some hippie ass, but I just can't stay away. On the plus side, only one more day until all of those out of town trouble makers (CIA, FBI, National Guard, etc.) are out of our peaceful town.

Also, just for your edification, over 100 of the people summarily arrested monday have already had their charges thrown out as blatantly false, and one staffer for a Republican state senator was arrested in the middle of the mass arrests. So in other words, they've only arrested one actual criminal thus far...

A Great Time in The Ol' Police State

So it's been awhile, but in case you haven't been paying attention, the Twin Cities are more or less under siege in a complete police state. But here's a re-cap of what your favorite rabble rouser has been up to...

Day 1 of the RNC:

Day 1 started out fairly mild. There was the big, legal and well-organized march. It was good time; we marched, we chanted, we walked through the freedom cage, we angered the 4 or 5 counter-protesters. All in all a pretty standard protest march. But the highlight? The Iraq Veterans Against the War attempted to enter the RNC to present their demands for immediate withdrawal and were met by over 100 officers in complete riot gear blocking the building. Undeterred by the fascism they were supposedly fighting overseas, they did not back down and eventually, the police parted and let them through. They then read their demands on the floor of the RNC itself. Perhaps you haven't heard about this, but far be it from me to suggest the mainstream media does a poor job of covering political dissent.

After the march, the lady friend and I headed over to the Take Back Labor Day rally/concert, and it was easily one of the best shows I've seen in a long, long time. Though we missed most of Billy Bragg's set (no worries, seeing him tonight), we did see Steve Earle and Alison Moorer turn in a nice performance as we settled down to lunch. Atmosphere did a damn fine set, Mos Def was a little disappointing, and Pharcyde was phar from that good (see what I did there?).

But Tom Morello as the Nightwatchmen stole the show. His set was an amazing combination of informative politics and unabashedly passionate music. Highlights include him doing an acoustic version of Guerilla Radio (complete with replicating his famous solo on the freaking harmonica) and when he invited the Iraq Veterans Against the War to lead the crowd in the most rocking version of "This Land is Our Land" that you will ever hear. I actually started to get chocked up during that one.

However, the fun dissipated as right across the river we were all treated to a display of state repression as over 300 peacefully assembled people were surrounded by the police, tear gassed, pepper sprayed, and some beaten. They are currently all being held, but charged with nothing. This is a nice continuation of the police's weekend pre-RNC raids on several area houses, often breaking doors down and entering with weapons drawn to arrest people for no specific crime (most still have not been formally charged with anything).

Finally, after a long, fun, and scary day, we biked the hour back home to Mpls to rest and marvel at the police presence. This post is already too long, so look for tomorrow's coverage of Day 2, featuring a visit to the Daily Show and your blogging hero nearly getting gassed. Stay tuned...

Is John Mayer more talented than me? And other questions that haunt my nights...

I've been a musician for more or less my whole life. From piano lessons in grade school, through bands and choirs in school, through bands with friends, through picking up instruments here and there, and even riding a vocal scholarship halfway through my undergrad years. I can play about a dozen instruments, half of them pretty well, and I'm a good enough singer to garner the aforementioned scholarship. In short, music has pretty much dominated my life. I've been spending the majority of my days either listening to or performing it for as long as I can remember. I know it inside and out, classical and contemporary, theoretically and wanking jammery.

Yet my one big project this summer has been to write a song. A song of my own. One that I would perform and say "here's a little ditty I wrote" or something witty like that. How hard can it be? To borrow a phrase, the radio is full of no-talent ass-clowns winning Grammys all over the place. Certainly it cannot be that hard.

And yet it vexes me so. I simply cannot write anything I would ever perform in front of other human beings. And in my quest to figure out why this writer's block has such a grip on me, I've been relentlessly analyzing all forms of music I listen to.

And you know what I think? I think I'm just not full of myself enough to do it. I mean, seriously, look at the lyrics to your favorite songs. Read them aloud, with no music or anything, just read the words aloud. You'll notice they sound completely ridiculous. So ridiculous you have to wonder if the people performing them ever get embarrassed of having to say such things night in and night out on tour. But they don't, because they're able to accept their own bullshit as if it were legitimate.

And it's not just accepting your own bullshit, it's truly believing that others want to hear your bullshit. And don't get me wrong, I'm plenty able to force my bullshit on others, but for some reason, just not musically.

So I'm working on it, and making a little bit of progress. But I have to believe I'll overcome this and write some eventually, because I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with the fact that there are things the likes of John Mayer can do that I can't...

Kick-Ass Upcoming Events in the TC

Tomorrow night at Arise!, world-renowned graphic novelist and social justice activist Seth Tobocman will be appearing at Arise (2441 Lyndale in Uptown). Seth is best know as co-creator of the comic World War II Illustrated, but my favorite of his would have to be You Don't Have To Fuck People Over To Survive, a brilliant thesis on anti-capitalist work, and also the book I read while getting my first tattoo...the book isn't tattoo-related at all, but it holds special memories for me in that way, too.

Second, make sure also to get your ass over to Harriet Island on the first day of the RNC to see the Take Back Labor Day festival. A combination of music and activism put on by the SEIU, it will feature so little-known no-name acts as Atmosphere, Mos Def, Billy Bragg, Steave Earle, Alison Moorer, pharcyde, and some kid named Tom Morello, who apparently has another band playing in town the next night.

Anyway, it's a good time to be back in the Twin Cities. And if you're out of town and thinking about visiting soon, remember that bars can stay open until 4 a.m. for the Republicans...just so you know.

Home -Grown Terrorism and Where the Police Waste Their Time

I remember back in undergrad after it was revealed that the police had been spying on a group of mostly elderly priests and nuns I did anti-war work with, the mother of the girl I was dating at the time explained to me that it was necessary for the police to keep tabs even on pacifists, because "terrorists do run in those circles."

Now, it goes without saying that this lady was incredibly stupid (though for many more reasons that just that statement), but she was even more astoundingly stupid than usual that time.

Because American terrorists are not leftists, they are conservatives. After the recent murder of the chair of the Arkansas Democratic party, we have the second story in just a few weeks of a right-wing nutjob going crazy and shooting up leftists because of Rush Limbaugh convinced him it's ok to do so.

But really what these stories point to is that incredible ways in which our law enforcement resources are woefully mismanaged in order to intimidate progressive activists rather than actually, oh I don't know, enforce the laws or stop crazed right-wingers from blowing up federal buildings, for example.

Time and time again, the facts have proven that lefty peacenicks are completely non-violent (you know, much like the names "pacifism" would imply), while radical right-wingers are not afraid to use murder to achieve their aims, whether it be against abortion, liberal churches, black churches, or any other group or institution they feel is a threat to their insane world view.

But yet where do local, state, and federal law enforcement put their resources in investigating political groups?

Though to be fair, it must be pretty hard. I mean, on the one hand you have groups asking the government to stop killing, and on the other hand, you have groups openly advocating murder. It must be pretty hard to figure out which one poses the bigger threat...but then again, I guess it depends on what you define as a threat. While I might say people who advocate murdering innocent people are a threat, I can see how people who say that perchance the United States shouldn't dictatorially control the world or murder over a million people in a war based on lies must seem pretty threatening, too...

Um...At Least We're Not the Only Racist Nation?

In a recent ad for the Spanish sports magazine Marca, the entire Spanish Olympic basketball team posed while making "slanty eyes" to promote their appearance in the games in China.

This is pretty much just 100% fucked up, so I don't really think it needs any commentary...though in unrelated news, I hear they hired Don Imus as their play-by-play announcer...

Happy Birthday to Me

I am 26 years old today.

I have no clever saying or relevant song about turning 26, so there is no long-winded essay today. I'm finally home from the east coast and it's my birthday.

Even though I cleaned, cleaned the apartment on my birthday, it's still a pretty good day. I am going to lounge around in my pajamas and play Tecmo Super Bowl, possibly the greatest video game ever made...ever.

And then a surprise party tonight (the suspense!).

And that's a quality birthday.

Finally Coming Home

After a long, warm, humid, and Godless month on the East Coast, the lady friend and I are finally beginning the long trek home tomorrow, interrupted only by stops for food and the occasional cool-looking mini gold course.

Words can not express how good it will feel to be back in the loving embrace of the Twin Cities.

So blogging will be pretty light for the rest of the week, but return with a vengeance as soon as I'm back to my own computer and my own home of righteously indignant commentary...so...you know...stay tuned for that.

I Wish I Were Still Naive Enough to be Shocked

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A Hearty Huzzah for...me

Just got word today that one of my papers has been accepted for publication. While this isn't technically the first paper I've published, the (one) previous paper was in a special issue of a journal a good friend was guest-editing. And while it was still reviewed and all that, this one feels a lot more real and a lot more like my first one.

And sure, I know that the average number of readers for any given journal article is 3 and the modal number is zero, but I'm not letting that get me down. I'm damn proud of my paper that no one will ever read.

So today is a good day. And I'm heading back to God's country so very soon, I can almost taste it. Life is indeed looking up.

Big Uppin the Hometown

Though I may be stuck out in the Godless East Coast, it warms my heart to see the hometown getting some positive press. Though anyone who's been through knows it, people are finally starting to recognize the greatest city in the world for what it is.

For starters, British politics and lifestyle magazine Monocle named Minneapolis one of the 20 most livable cities in the world, citing our world-class arts, theatre, dinning, and a whole host of other great things. And quick on the heels of this report comes the regular update of how Minneapolis continues to lead the nation in volunteering for the umpteenth year in a row, even in spite of the fact that volunteering rates are dropping nationwide.

So there you have it -- a kick-ass city with the nicest people in the nation. That's God's country for ya.

The Right Wing Does Not Get This One

There's an hilarious op-ed in the Wall Street Journal today by Andrew Klavan suggesting that the Dark Knight is nothing but a thinly veiled tribute to the Bush administration. As The Hater points out, Mr. Klavan has to stretch pretty far to make the connection, with his best evidence being that the bat signal looks kind of like a W. He also makes the entirely specious comparison that lefty documentaries against the war have made far less money than this supposed paean to the right-wing and organized murder. Because documentaries always out-gain giant summer blockbusters, you know.

But even beyond his flawed logic and gargled tones (you see, it's hard to understand someone when they're so busy fellating the president), the analogy simply doesn't work. After all, Batman actively refuses to kill his enemies, because he knows that as soon as he does, he's no better than they are. The whole movie is set up to deliver the message that no matter how capricious or cruel your enemies are, if you abandon your morals in fighting them, you've already lost. The only times in the movie when the bad guys actually win are those times when the heroes stoop to their level, which is exactly what those bad guys want in the first place. You know, like when a certain Reagan-funded billionaire pays some people to crash planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon in order to provoke a war which recruits him thousands of new allies after the inevitable imperialist backlash.

But hey, far be it from me to suggest the Wall Street Journal has some sort of editorial bias that might blind them to the obvious morals of the film...

American Teen Review

Just went to my first-ever pre-release screening tuesday night. It was for the up-coming docudrama American Teen, and while it didn't really blow me away, I'm a sucker for having gotten to see a movie before everyone else gets to. Really the highlight of the movie was the grand-prize raffle drawing for a one-night stay at the Four Seasons, which I unfortunately did not win.

The movie itself was more or less a live update of the Breakfast Club, as it followed the senior year of a popular jock, a rich beauty queen, a weird arty girl, and a band geek. Only Judd Nelson was missing.

Ultimately, it was a fairly fun movie, but it suffered from the fact that it had relatively few surprises for anyone who had ever gone to high school. Well, actually I should say anyone who went to high school in the Midwest (it was shot in Indiana) as people of color were for all intents and purposes completely absent in the film. But otherwise, the popular girl stayed popular and didn't get into trouble for anything, the jock played basketball and remained popular, the weird arty girl continued to be weird and arty, and the nerdy band kid stayed a nerd. The best parts of the film were actually these little animated montages that more-or-less mocked what the kids wanted to do with their lives, some deserving that treatment, others not so much.

I really wouldn't recommend anyone rush out and see this unless you're a big reality t.v. fan, but it's a pretty solid rental, if nothing else than for reliving your awkward high school moments through other people.

USA! USA!

Of all the things the U.S. leads the world in -- imprisonment, military expenditure -- perhaps the one we should be most proud of was just discovered. The World Health Organization (WHO) just released its first-ever cross-national drug use statistics, and the U.S. comes well out on top in both marijuana and cocaine use, despite having some of the most draconian anti-drug laws in the world.

Our slightly over 42% of the population who admits to using marijuana (a number that is low compared to some other reputable social surveys) ranks in at twice as high (no pun intended) as the Netherlands, where pot is legal. Our cocaine usage rate of 16% is four times as high as Columbia, a nation practically drowning in...well...Columbian marching powder.

Hmmm...so it turns out arresting 830,000 people a year on drug charges gives you the world's highest rate of drug usage. Not to be too radical, but maybe if there's a widely available, non-lethal drug that nearly half the population of the nation uses despite incredibly harsh laws and punishments, maybe we should think about a different way to handle it. You know, other than locking up nearly a million people a year and changing absolutely nothing but people's arrest records...

Everything I Do Turns into Terrorism

As I've mentioned before in this space, I don't usually go looking for trouble, trouble just finds me. I mean, I'm a political activist and all, so obviously I'm bound to get into some kind of shenanigans sooner or later, but I feel like I've gotten into more of my fair share. You know, like the kind when the FBI shows up at your front door.

Anyway, a new and interesting corollary to all of this is that everything I am connected to is also slowly becoming terrorist, too. For instance, not too long after I got seriously into activism, my dad, the humble high-school chemistry teacher, apparently became a terrorist.

And now, only a little more than a year after I joined the editorial board of Contexts, it will be featuring an article by noted sports-critic and now recognized terrorist Dave Zirin.

Man, I'm like the King Midas of anti-leftist hysteria...

Adding A Completely Unecessary Voice to the Chorus

Friday night I did something I have never done and really never thought I would do: I waited, with ticket already in hand, in line 3 hours for a movie. Oh, and it was in Washington D.C. in July. Which means it was (according to the bank on the corner) 92 degrees during that three hour wait, with a humidity level of roughly 1,946,833%.

But damn if it wasn't worth it. I can only say that pretty much all the reviews were correct. I went into this movie with ridiculously high expectations and yet somehow still feel the movie exceeded them. After the movie, all I could pretty much do was sit there and mutter "wow" to myself. And, of course, like everyone else, I was so blown away by Heath Ledger's iconic joker performance that I found myself incredibly bummed out that he could never repeat it, though in a way I think it serves to cement its iconic status.

What really resonated for me in the story were the none-too-veiled references to the war on terror. As Batman so eloquently demonstrated, if you lose your ideals in attempting to destroy evil, you've completely failed, because your no longer fighting for anything. It's almost as if the movie was trying to tell us that, say, invading a country because its ruthless dictator tortures all those who disagree with him in these horrible chambers of death and then using those same chambers of death to torture all the people that disagree with you is not doing any good for the world. But that might be me reading too much into it.

Anyway, go see the movie. It's fucking brilliant, and proves what the overweight outcast in middle school knew all along: that comic books really do tell great stories with intricate morals that are both moving and relevant. And as a former overweight middle school outcast who loves comic books, it's really gratifying to see the rest of the world finally catch on.

Why the RNC *Might* be a Good Thing

It should come as no surprise that I'm not a very big fan of Republicans or the absurd spectacles they put on to congratulate themselves on destroying our nation and a good chunk of the rest of the world. That being said, I'm actually kind of glad the RNC is going to be in the Twin Cities this fall.

No, I'm not happy about the millions the state is shelling out in revenue, or the way most (if not all) of our civil liberties are being rolled back in the Twin Cities so that we don't upset the Republicans and their fetishistic hated of all things free.

But I do like that fact that I just need to take a nice walk to protest their horrible ways. And I'm really excited about the fact that on the back of protest concerts already announced by the likes of Tapes N' Tapes, P.O.S., Anti-Flag and others, Steve Earle and Tom Morello announced they will be rocking St. Paul during the convention. Even more exciting, Morello has slyly hinted that some "friends" will be coming along as well, leading to rampant speculation that Rage will be playing, or at least some other kick-ass names will be showing up.

So I guess you can chalk this one up to my eternal optimism, but even this hardened radical is kind of happy that the RNC is coming to town.

Big Ups to the Mountie

You know, I wasn't even going to watch the Home Run Derby until it was announced that Morneau would be participating. And despite the heroics of the heroin-addict guy (in case you haven't already memorized every detailed of his story, you needn't worry for you'll hear it approximately 5,000,000 times before the end of the season), he pulled it out.

And like a true Canadian-turned-Minnesotan, he was more gracious in victory than the heroin-guy was in defeat. He seemed almost embarrassed to win, and gave big ups to Mr. Heroin. Even when all of the reporters rushed passed him to interview the loser, he still graciously said everything he should have.

The announcing, like usual, was terrible. Though rick Reilly did make the good point that for a sport as diverse as baseball it was a bit odd that there were only white guys in the competition, they pretty much top-to-bottom disrespected "Jason" and the Twins, as the national media always does. Firejoemorgan.com has a pretty good round up of the most stupid things said throughout the season.

But all-in-all, it was one hell of a show and it was very cool to see the first Twinkie ever to win the derby. Now let's just hope that it doesn't end up ruining the rest o his season like it has for so many other derby winners...

Barely Containing My Righteous Anger, Education Style

Blogging is always tough when you're on vacation, even when it's a working vacation. In fact, it's even harder when it's a working vacation, because in addition to playing tourist and meeting new people and all that, I'm doing actual work nearly every day. Damn you graduate school. Gone are the salad days of my youth when summer meant 14-20 hours of television a day, and my only concern was baseball standings. Now, I'm actually filling my summer days with work and responsibility and I don't like it.

But that has nothing to do with this post, it's just an excuse as to why I've been shirking my blogging duties lately. The actual purpose to this post is to lament that final dying days of the liberal education. Today the strib is running a run-of-the-mill tight job market story. But what got my attention was the also (unfortunately) typical accompaniment to such articles, a poll question asking if colleges and universities put too much emphasis on liberal arts education.

To put it politely, fuck that bullshit. This is like asking if hospitals are putting too much emphasis on curing disease. The last time I checked, the very reason that colleges and universities exist is to provide a liberal arts education. If you just want some job training, go to a community college or tech school. They're fine places, and they'll certify you for a wide variety of careers without making you learn a bunch of stuff. But if you go to a liberal-fucking-arts university, I think you should expect to take some liberal arts courses. Because, you know, it does happen to be in the fucking title of the institution.

As a scholar of criminology, I think we get this a bit more than most other majors. A good chunk of crim students just want a piece of paper that will help them become a cop (though I must admit it's not as bad at the U as it was back in Ioway). But as is usualy the case, it's the people who complain about it the loudest who typically need it the most. Call me an old-fashioned sucker or a wide-eyed idealist, but I'd just like a police force (and citizenry in general) capable of rational thought. And that, my friends, is the purpose of the liberal arts university.

So if you're asking whether colleges and universities put too much emphasis on liberal arts education, then I'm afraid you're really asking if they're spending too much time doing their job.

Gluttony Fucking Rules,or How I Celebrated the 4th

Last night, I had what may long be remembered as the greatest moment of my life. I ate at Fogo De Choa, a putatively Brazilian steak house. I don't know how Brazilian it actually is, but I do know exactly how American it is: very.

Long story short,for an un-Godly sum of money, you get all you care to eat of a rather wide selection of high-end meats, ranging from filet mignon to filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Ok, so there were many others, but these definitely dominated my several plates.

Though it's hard to estimate how much I was eating, as I'm still in a meat-induced haze, I'm pretty sure it would be measured in pounds, not ounces. And though my dining partner and I would occasionally stop to reflect on how much places like this are a giant "fuck you" to the millions of starving peoples in the world, it sure didn't stop our meat orgy.

And what is more American than that?

Happy Day of Independence to White, Property-Owing Males!

So I know I've been on a big political tip lately, but sometimes you just get fired up about things. And lately, I've been a bit upset about the fact that we're torturing people. And yes, I say "we" meaning all of us, because let us not forget that the majority of people who devised and approved of the torture techniques used are elected officials. Shit, a lot of them even ran on that platform.

If you were at all intrigued by the description of Taxi to the Dark Side (which if you haven't went out and gotten yet, please go do now), then you'll really be interested in Christopher Hitchens' recent article on waterboarding, aptly titled "Believe Me, It's Torture."

Hitchens was subject to waterboarding under controlled circumstances, knowing he could quit at anytime and go back to his cushy day job with no fear of reprisal. And yet his description of his brief encounter with the notorious torture technique speaks volumes. Go read the article, it's fascinating in the sickest way possible. Hitchens' also does a great job of laying out the case (or more accurately, repeating how the case was laid out for him by an Army interrogation specialist) on why torture not only doesn't get good or reliable information, but actually makes our nation far less safe. Not to mention it's horribly fucking wrong and should never be done to another human being for any reason, but that argument is a little too bleeding heart I suppose.

Well, have a good time grillin' and watching fireworks tonight, but do try to remember that while you're doing that, hundreds of innocent men are being brutally tortured and murdered by our own government. Enjoy!

Taxi to the Dark Side review

Just got back from a screening of the documentary Taxi to the Dark Side. Though it's hard to separate the flotsam from the jetsam in the recent glut of anti-war documentaries that have come out, this one definitely stands out. Taking a hard look at the U.S. torture practice in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Guantanamo, it made me angrier than anything I've seen in a long while.

Besides some really shocking facts (for example, the U.S. Military admits that over a third of the deaths of those in detentions were willful homicides), it really blows the lid off of any of the illusions you may still be desperately clinging to about the morality of the United States government or military. Of course, the painful juxtapositions really make themselves, as you look at the bloated corpses of innocent men who have been beaten to death (after being forced to stand naked chained to a wall for days in a row, then forced to masturbate in front of cheering guards, then attacked repeatedly by vicious dogs, then repeatedly told their mother is a whore while being force-fed I.V.s until the soiled themselves, and about a million other indignities) as you are then immediately taken to a smirking Donald Rumsfeld saying that it's nothing worse than what he has to do in his day-to-day job.

And it completely blows away the argument that these people are so dangerous that we much imprison them and torture them lest they attack us. Because not only does the military admit that the vast majority of them are not Al Qaeda, insurgents, or in any way a threat to us, but it proves who the real terrorists are. I am now much more afraid of the United States military than I am of any sort of Islamic terrorist.

Though I think what I'll most take away from it is the fact that no one responsible for this will ever be punished. Sure, a few scapegoats will get a week or two in jail, but Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney and the whole lot of those arrogant war criminals will never be brought to justice. In fact, as the movie points out, Bush has already signed a pardon for himself in the event that he is charged with any war crimes. It reminds us that the real reason the Nazis were tried at Nuremberg is because they lost. For when you win, it doesn't matter how many innocent people you tortured and murdered.

When They Do It...

Whenever I watch a game show in which obviously working-class people are making idiots of themselves for what amounts to really not that much money in the grand scheme of things, I can't help but think how propagandistic this would look to anyone outside of capitalism. As my old man always notes, the problem with Americans is that everyone of them think they can become rich. So even though the vast, vast majority of them never will, they resist higher taxes for the wealthy or any sort of income redistribution because they see it as a moot point, given that they will be rich themselves someday.

And this is clearly what game shows are predicated upon; they're basically saying "no, don't get upset about your inability to pay for basic human services like healthcare and heating for your house, for someday you could win big!" If the Soviet Union had had shows like The Price is Right we would laugh at the propaganda they need to keep their citizens thinking their lives aren't so bad and filling them full of false hope. Yet when we do it...well, one man's propaganda is another man's patriotism.

Unfortunately, the bad-for-them-ok-for-us mentality extends far beyond game shows and mystifying propaganda. For it turns out that the military's guide for "interrogation" at Guantanamo Bay was simply copied verbatim from the manual the Chineese used to torture Americans during the Korean war.

So when they do it's torture, but when we do it...you get the idea.

East Coast Tour '09

For a guy who really, really hates the East Coast and all of it's better-than-thou stuck-up-ishness, I seem to be ending up here a lot. This time I'm doing a month out in the District of Columbia while the misses earns us some dolla bills.

Anyway, it's a long drive, and while a bunch of crazy stuff has happened (including a hippie fest in Columbus...where it is legal for women to be topless, just for the record) I'm too tired and have too limited computer access at the moment to regale you all with stories right now.

But in the meantime, tide yourselves over with a new entry to the ol' blogosphere, my soc buddy Tim. He's new to the world of blogging, so head on over, check out his stuff, and give him a virtual pat on the ass. Tell him Jesse sent you.

It's Just Like the Cool Toys

You know how every cool toy is invented once you're just too old to play with it? The lady friend's two-year old nephew definitely has way cooler shit than I ever had as a little one.

And now the state of Iowa is doing to me what the toy-makers of the world have been doing to all of us for years: making cool things once we're gone.

When I lived in Iowa I saw exactly three good shows: Dylan at the State Fair, Willie at the Cattle Congress, and then Willie opening for Dylan at the minor-league ballpark.

But now there's the 80-35 festival.

Just look at some of the people in this ridiculous line-up:

The Flaming Lips
The Roots
Yonder Mountain String Band
Jakob Dylan
Andrew Bird
Drive-By Truckers
Black Francis
Ingrid Michaelson

And that's not even half of it.

I lived in that damn state for 23 fucking years and nothing, nothing even approaching this cool ever came through. But then you leave for a year or two and lookie what happens...

Weighing in on the Shaq Thing

So Shaq did some pretty shitty freestyling and made fun of Kobe. It's not really as ground-breaking of a terrible event as the media would put it. Really, the story there is that he's gotten no better with the mic since the Shaq Diesel days, easily in the running for worst vanity musical project ever (but really, what is the worst vanity music project ever? that's a good future post idea). It's not surprising that he was publicly a jerk to a guy he wouldn't have won three of his championships without. According to all of his public behavior to this point, he seems like the kind of guy who's a huge asshole but hides it behind acting like he's just a funny guy, joking around.

But you know what? I'm still fine with him being raked over the coals. Because I cannot stand the man. He's not even a good basketball player. His skills involve being really tall and really fat and not getting fouls called on himself. You know, I could score 30 points in a game if I didn't take a shot from more than 3 inches away from the basket all night, too. And of course Wolves fans will never forget the Western Conference Finals game with time expiring at the half when Shaq simply pushed over a motionless Kevin Garnett, stepped over him (without dribbling) and dunked, in both the clearest traveling and charging violations ever committed in the game of basketball, yet there was no call. So that doesn't really help me like him.

But even worse than his shitty-basketball-disguised-as-good-basketball are his notoriously conservative political views. In his spare time in Miami he was a deputy police officer who even helped out on some drug raids and he wants to be a cop when his career's over. Being a cop isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but being a conservative asshole who acts like he's entitled to the world and a cop is a bad thing.

Well, at least he's finally gotten some comeuppance. In light of the offensive language and racial slurs in Shaw's rap, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has stripped him of his badge. Even the Sheriff admits it won't really do anything, but it's nice to finally see someone publicly call this guy out on his bullshit in some capacity...

Because Sometimes Pointing Out the Obvious is Fun

Republicans are racist.

Ok, not all of them. I'm always reminded of a great David Cross bit in which he says "I'm not saying all Republicans are racist, sexist homophobes. That would be absurd. It's just the people they elect to office who are racist, sexist homophobes"

And he's right. Not every Republican is racist, but there sure are more than a few of 'em who are. For example, check out a button that was selling like hotcakes at the Texas state Republican Convention:



Yeah, I know it's not that surprising in the great state of Texas. And I'm not much of an Obama fan, because the guy is nothing but empty rhetoric about change he damn well knows he is not going to make or is even planning on making (for instance, read about him backing down on his previous commitment to fight NAFTA). But still, this is pretty fucking bad

R.I.P. George Carlin

To add my voice to the cacophony of folks eulogizing Mr. Carlin today, I thought I'd toss up a quick note about him before I get to work today. Though most folks in my generation are probably familiar with him as Rufus from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or as the conductor of Shinning Time Station (he was wayyy better than the Ringo character), or possibly his short-lived sitcom, I fortunately had a buddy or two who were into his good comedy and got me properly introduced.

Though I don't buy the "new Lenny Bruce" tag hung on him (it's like calling people the new Jordan; just accept that there was only one) he was a great comedian and a great advocate of the freedom of speech (the mug shot above is for doing his routine in Milwaukee and "disturbing the peace" with naughty words), both efforts which have enriched our little world. He'll be sorely missed.

A Grand Ol' Time at the Midway

This past Friday I went to my first ever Saints game, and watched the next-door-to-hometown boys destroy their hated rivals Sioux Falls 7-nil. And even more fortunately, they did it by the 7th inning, thus insuring everyone in the crowd some free ribs. And really, isn't that the point of independent league baseball? Sure, when you get down to it, it's really just inferior baseball played by guys you've never heard of. And sure, you could drive 20 minutes the other direction and watch one of the most exciting teams in the bigs. But then you'd really be missing the point.

The point of independent league baseball is to watch some guy who really love the game play for little to no money. It's bad for them, but great for you, as you can get right behind home plate for $13, or the same price you'd pay at a big league stadium to be vaguely able to make out the fact that a ball game is going on. And where else do you see a random guy in a Mexican wrestling mask roaming the stands for reasons I can't quite figure out? In fact, I'm still not sure whether he was employed by the Saints, or just a guy who likes to dress up and come to ball games.

But the best thing about indy league baseball is that the recognize that baseball is really kind of a slow game, especially when most people there don't really care about the outcome of the game. As such, there is a great emphasis placed n between-inning entertainment and crowd give-a-ways. And because of this, I had my very first-ever experience of being in a prize-winning row. Sure, it was no Hormel Row-Of-Fame, but I did get a free foam finger, and there's nothing more apple-pie-American-baseball than that.

So if you're like me and had been meaning to get out to a Saints game but never actually got around to it, you can't be a cheap night at a gorgeous stadium...and a high likelihood of free foam fingers...

Why I'd Be a Twins Fan Even If I Weren't

For those of you who weren't watching the Twins beating up on the hapless Nationals last night, you missed a great play that was inches away from an amazing play. With runners on first and second, there was a sharp grounder to thirdbaseman Brian Buscher, who stepped on the bag, rifled it to Alexi Casilla, who just barely missed the bag before sending it on to Morneau for the second out.

Any good Twins fan was already thinking it before Bert said it: Gaetti, Newman, Hrbek. In a 1990 game against Boston, the venerable infield, just a season away from wining it all, turned two triple plays in one game. To put it in perspective, that is not only the only time that has ever happened, the record for triple plays in a season is 3. Yes, the Twins infield got 2/3 of the way to the season record for triple plays in one game. Of course, being the Twins, they lost that game 1-0, but still...

To bring this to a point, that is exactly why being a Twins fan is so much better than being the fan of a team that "wins consistently" or "puts up offensive numbers." Sure, the Twins may be last in the bigs in homers (though they're safely in the top half of runs scored), but let's face it -- homeruns are really pretty boring. Not all the time; everyone can appreciate the drama of a slugger getting a big homer when his team is down late. But with the steriods era and general power surge (not to mention the DH in the American League), homeruns are pretty common. And most of them aren't dramatic at all...sure, you get to see about a cool two-three seconds of a big swing and then a towering fly. And then you get to witness the pure excitement of a fat man jogging and the historicism of knowing this guy will only do that another 30-40 times this season and a couple of hundred times over his career.

Contrast that with knowing that at any moment, you could see one of the rarest plays in baseball, a play that requires athleticism and split-second reactions, much more so that a fat guy standing there hitting something. Call me a purist, but I think it's a bit more engaging to watch a team, you know, play baseball instead of line up a bunch of guys for a homerun derby and then take the next half of the inning off.

And that's why Minnesotans love the Twins. Even though they'll pretty consistently break your heart, they play the game the way it's supposed to be played. And out here, we'd rather you do something the right way than win.

This is Sadly Very Un-Surprising

For those who aren't already familiar, wikileaks is probably the most important website to have been launched in recent history. Much like it's apolitical big-sister wikipedia, it's a one-stop, user-run clearinghouse for leaked documents alleging corporate and government misconduct. And again much like wikipedia, it is subject to the whims of a few jerks with too much time on their hands, but is far more often than not right on the money.

Well, wikileaks has recently received a 219-page document authored by the United States government on methods of counter-insurgency. Please only read this if you already have a handy several-feet-thick wall of cynicism protecting you like I do, but in the meantime, have a sample:

The manual, Foreign Internal Defense Tactics Techniques and Procedures for Special Forces (1994, 2004), may be critically described as “what we learned about running death squads and propping up corrupt government in Latin America and how to apply it to other places”. Its contents are both history defining for Latin America and, given the continued role of US Special Forces in the suppression of insurgencies and guerilla movements world wide, history making.

The document, which has been verified, is official US Special Forces doctrine. It directly advocates training paramilitaries, pervasive surveillance, censorship, press control and restrictions on labor unions & political parties. It directly advocates warrantless searches, detainment without charge and the suspension of habeas corpus. It directly advocates bribery, employing terrorists, false flag operations and concealing human rights abuses from journalists. And it directly advocates the extensive use of “psychological operations” (propaganda) to make these and other “population & resource control” measures more palatable.

The document has been particularly informed by the long United States involvement in the El Salvador…

As Jonathan Schwarz points out, for those doubting the authenticity of the document, remember that a few years back the State Department advocated the use of "The Salvador Option" to bring Iraq under control.

So, with the risk of adding several more feet to the aforementioned wall o' cynicism, please explain to me why I should continue to believe in a government that openly espouses torture, kidnapping, and murder as completely acceptable foreign (and domestic) policy initiatives?

Good News on Coffee

As I sit here rather wired after my third cup of coffee, I pass along with pleasure the idea that coffee may reduce the risk of heart attacks and cardiovascular disease. A Harvard Medical School study of 125,000 found that those who were regular coffee drinkers were much less likely to suffer heart attacks or other related diseases.

Granted, it's a rather preliminary study, and there could be a whole host of other reasons why these results were found, and I'm hopefully a long way off of worrying about such things, but in the meantime, at least I on longer have to feel guilty about one of my biggest vices...

Nice Work if You Can Get It

By now you've more than likely already heard David Brooks pontificating about Obama's chances in the election and taking him to task for not fitting in at the Applebee's salad bar. And I'm sure you've also already heard that Applebee's does not now, nor did it ever, have a salad bar.

For anyone who ever reads David Brooks' work, this is not surprise. The man has built his entire career around pretending that liberals are elites while proving how embarrassingly elitist he is himself. I think you can actually hear irony slowly gasping for life as Mr. Brooks savagely beats it every time he writes. Brooks may be the most pristine example of media and conservative hubris, as he constantly undercuts and insults regular people in order to prove he has their best interests at heart.

But yet, here he continues to have a regular column in the New York Times, the nation's most prestigious newspaper. Think about it -- the guys constantly fucks up the one thing he is supposed to do, and is rewarded with more money and more respect. Take a second to think about how that would work in your day-to-day life. If you fucked up everything you did, constantly revealed yourself to be a complete idiot and incapable of even the most fundamental logic, would you still have a job? I know I wouldn't.

But then again, maybe I'm just so elitist I believe people should be required to "understand" things if they're are going to be seen as "credible," which I'm sure is something very foreign to the folksy columnist/television-pundit/millionaire. But when you're making nearly $12,000 a year like me, you lose touch with ordinary folks...

I Cannot Be the Only One Who Sees This

In case you've been living on Mars, in a cave, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears, you're probably aware of Wall-E, the newest Pixar release coming out this summer. The early buzz is pretty positive, and I'm sure the delightful li'l scamp gets into all sorts of wacky hi-jinx set to the tune of today's hottest music and eventually learns some sort of lesson in the end. I'm also sure that we'll be forced to view this image roughly 17,000,000 times this summer. But since I saw it for the first time a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but note the uncanny resemblance to a cheeky robot from an early era, the incomparable Johnny 5:



I'm not sure that the plots will be at all similar, but this one is bound to feature both less racist-stereotype characters and less Steve Gutenberg. Both of which are positive signs of growth in American society, I suppose.