Day 2 of the RNC

Day 2 was a pretty interesting day all around. To begin with, it was the first day of school, and I've drawn possibly the worst TA assignment one can get this semester, so I'll be having an interesting school year, but that's largely beside the point.

A friend had gotten some tickets to the taping of the Daily Show, it's first day here in St. Paul. After waiting three plus hours just to get inside, we finally got to sit down and wait for another hour. Finally the pre-show warm-up guy came out, and after nearly half of the sociology department had been involved in his little set, John Stewart came out to do some q+a before the show started. And it takes way to much background information to work out of context, but suffice it to say that this humble li'l blogger asked a question good enough to make him laugh and throw him off his game a little bit, which made me feel way cooler than it should have. But at least I got a good story out of it.

The show was really fun to watch live like that, and provided me with many great stories, but the real story was on the streets. After the taping, they wouldn't let us leave because all of downtown was on lockdown. Earlier in the day, there was a free concert, and when Anti-Flag tried to cut their set short and give the stage over to a surprise Rage Against the Machine performance, the police cut the power and shut down the show. Zach grabbed a megaphone and lead the crowd in some acapella versions of a few Rage songs, but then the concert was broken up and the police forced everyone into the streets, where they met up with a pre-existing rally...a brilliant strategy for keeping peace and order.

But the real excitement for the night was after the taping, when we were able to stand on the street and watch fascism in action. After the rally passed, they were followed by phalanx after phalanx of riot police (over 150, by my count). All of a sudden, all of the police lined up single file, knelt in unison, and took off their helmet to put on gas masks, then stayed bent over and covered their heads.

So that was definitely a scary moment, but we got away without being gassed (though they were apparently gassing people up the street). However, my inside source at the St. Paul PD then texted me to get the hell out of there because the National Guard was being called in with live ammunition (live ammunition meaning real bullets).

So I got out with my life, but it was another long, fun, and scary day. But I guess I'm going to keep up with this one-day-behind coverage, so check back in tomorrow for day 3 news, featuring another Rage concert leading to arrests and an intimate Billy Bragg show.

I'll be checking out the last protest this afternoon which may be against my better judgement, seeing as this is the pigs' last chance to whomp some hippie ass, but I just can't stay away. On the plus side, only one more day until all of those out of town trouble makers (CIA, FBI, National Guard, etc.) are out of our peaceful town.

Also, just for your edification, over 100 of the people summarily arrested monday have already had their charges thrown out as blatantly false, and one staffer for a Republican state senator was arrested in the middle of the mass arrests. So in other words, they've only arrested one actual criminal thus far...

A Great Time in The Ol' Police State

So it's been awhile, but in case you haven't been paying attention, the Twin Cities are more or less under siege in a complete police state. But here's a re-cap of what your favorite rabble rouser has been up to...

Day 1 of the RNC:

Day 1 started out fairly mild. There was the big, legal and well-organized march. It was good time; we marched, we chanted, we walked through the freedom cage, we angered the 4 or 5 counter-protesters. All in all a pretty standard protest march. But the highlight? The Iraq Veterans Against the War attempted to enter the RNC to present their demands for immediate withdrawal and were met by over 100 officers in complete riot gear blocking the building. Undeterred by the fascism they were supposedly fighting overseas, they did not back down and eventually, the police parted and let them through. They then read their demands on the floor of the RNC itself. Perhaps you haven't heard about this, but far be it from me to suggest the mainstream media does a poor job of covering political dissent.

After the march, the lady friend and I headed over to the Take Back Labor Day rally/concert, and it was easily one of the best shows I've seen in a long, long time. Though we missed most of Billy Bragg's set (no worries, seeing him tonight), we did see Steve Earle and Alison Moorer turn in a nice performance as we settled down to lunch. Atmosphere did a damn fine set, Mos Def was a little disappointing, and Pharcyde was phar from that good (see what I did there?).

But Tom Morello as the Nightwatchmen stole the show. His set was an amazing combination of informative politics and unabashedly passionate music. Highlights include him doing an acoustic version of Guerilla Radio (complete with replicating his famous solo on the freaking harmonica) and when he invited the Iraq Veterans Against the War to lead the crowd in the most rocking version of "This Land is Our Land" that you will ever hear. I actually started to get chocked up during that one.

However, the fun dissipated as right across the river we were all treated to a display of state repression as over 300 peacefully assembled people were surrounded by the police, tear gassed, pepper sprayed, and some beaten. They are currently all being held, but charged with nothing. This is a nice continuation of the police's weekend pre-RNC raids on several area houses, often breaking doors down and entering with weapons drawn to arrest people for no specific crime (most still have not been formally charged with anything).

Finally, after a long, fun, and scary day, we biked the hour back home to Mpls to rest and marvel at the police presence. This post is already too long, so look for tomorrow's coverage of Day 2, featuring a visit to the Daily Show and your blogging hero nearly getting gassed. Stay tuned...

Is John Mayer more talented than me? And other questions that haunt my nights...

I've been a musician for more or less my whole life. From piano lessons in grade school, through bands and choirs in school, through bands with friends, through picking up instruments here and there, and even riding a vocal scholarship halfway through my undergrad years. I can play about a dozen instruments, half of them pretty well, and I'm a good enough singer to garner the aforementioned scholarship. In short, music has pretty much dominated my life. I've been spending the majority of my days either listening to or performing it for as long as I can remember. I know it inside and out, classical and contemporary, theoretically and wanking jammery.

Yet my one big project this summer has been to write a song. A song of my own. One that I would perform and say "here's a little ditty I wrote" or something witty like that. How hard can it be? To borrow a phrase, the radio is full of no-talent ass-clowns winning Grammys all over the place. Certainly it cannot be that hard.

And yet it vexes me so. I simply cannot write anything I would ever perform in front of other human beings. And in my quest to figure out why this writer's block has such a grip on me, I've been relentlessly analyzing all forms of music I listen to.

And you know what I think? I think I'm just not full of myself enough to do it. I mean, seriously, look at the lyrics to your favorite songs. Read them aloud, with no music or anything, just read the words aloud. You'll notice they sound completely ridiculous. So ridiculous you have to wonder if the people performing them ever get embarrassed of having to say such things night in and night out on tour. But they don't, because they're able to accept their own bullshit as if it were legitimate.

And it's not just accepting your own bullshit, it's truly believing that others want to hear your bullshit. And don't get me wrong, I'm plenty able to force my bullshit on others, but for some reason, just not musically.

So I'm working on it, and making a little bit of progress. But I have to believe I'll overcome this and write some eventually, because I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with the fact that there are things the likes of John Mayer can do that I can't...

Kick-Ass Upcoming Events in the TC

Tomorrow night at Arise!, world-renowned graphic novelist and social justice activist Seth Tobocman will be appearing at Arise (2441 Lyndale in Uptown). Seth is best know as co-creator of the comic World War II Illustrated, but my favorite of his would have to be You Don't Have To Fuck People Over To Survive, a brilliant thesis on anti-capitalist work, and also the book I read while getting my first tattoo...the book isn't tattoo-related at all, but it holds special memories for me in that way, too.

Second, make sure also to get your ass over to Harriet Island on the first day of the RNC to see the Take Back Labor Day festival. A combination of music and activism put on by the SEIU, it will feature so little-known no-name acts as Atmosphere, Mos Def, Billy Bragg, Steave Earle, Alison Moorer, pharcyde, and some kid named Tom Morello, who apparently has another band playing in town the next night.

Anyway, it's a good time to be back in the Twin Cities. And if you're out of town and thinking about visiting soon, remember that bars can stay open until 4 a.m. for the Republicans...just so you know.

Home -Grown Terrorism and Where the Police Waste Their Time

I remember back in undergrad after it was revealed that the police had been spying on a group of mostly elderly priests and nuns I did anti-war work with, the mother of the girl I was dating at the time explained to me that it was necessary for the police to keep tabs even on pacifists, because "terrorists do run in those circles."

Now, it goes without saying that this lady was incredibly stupid (though for many more reasons that just that statement), but she was even more astoundingly stupid than usual that time.

Because American terrorists are not leftists, they are conservatives. After the recent murder of the chair of the Arkansas Democratic party, we have the second story in just a few weeks of a right-wing nutjob going crazy and shooting up leftists because of Rush Limbaugh convinced him it's ok to do so.

But really what these stories point to is that incredible ways in which our law enforcement resources are woefully mismanaged in order to intimidate progressive activists rather than actually, oh I don't know, enforce the laws or stop crazed right-wingers from blowing up federal buildings, for example.

Time and time again, the facts have proven that lefty peacenicks are completely non-violent (you know, much like the names "pacifism" would imply), while radical right-wingers are not afraid to use murder to achieve their aims, whether it be against abortion, liberal churches, black churches, or any other group or institution they feel is a threat to their insane world view.

But yet where do local, state, and federal law enforcement put their resources in investigating political groups?

Though to be fair, it must be pretty hard. I mean, on the one hand you have groups asking the government to stop killing, and on the other hand, you have groups openly advocating murder. It must be pretty hard to figure out which one poses the bigger threat...but then again, I guess it depends on what you define as a threat. While I might say people who advocate murdering innocent people are a threat, I can see how people who say that perchance the United States shouldn't dictatorially control the world or murder over a million people in a war based on lies must seem pretty threatening, too...

Um...At Least We're Not the Only Racist Nation?

In a recent ad for the Spanish sports magazine Marca, the entire Spanish Olympic basketball team posed while making "slanty eyes" to promote their appearance in the games in China.

This is pretty much just 100% fucked up, so I don't really think it needs any commentary...though in unrelated news, I hear they hired Don Imus as their play-by-play announcer...

Happy Birthday to Me

I am 26 years old today.

I have no clever saying or relevant song about turning 26, so there is no long-winded essay today. I'm finally home from the east coast and it's my birthday.

Even though I cleaned, cleaned the apartment on my birthday, it's still a pretty good day. I am going to lounge around in my pajamas and play Tecmo Super Bowl, possibly the greatest video game ever made...ever.

And then a surprise party tonight (the suspense!).

And that's a quality birthday.

Finally Coming Home

After a long, warm, humid, and Godless month on the East Coast, the lady friend and I are finally beginning the long trek home tomorrow, interrupted only by stops for food and the occasional cool-looking mini gold course.

Words can not express how good it will feel to be back in the loving embrace of the Twin Cities.

So blogging will be pretty light for the rest of the week, but return with a vengeance as soon as I'm back to my own computer and my own home of righteously indignant commentary...so...you know...stay tuned for that.

I Wish I Were Still Naive Enough to be Shocked

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A Hearty Huzzah for...me

Just got word today that one of my papers has been accepted for publication. While this isn't technically the first paper I've published, the (one) previous paper was in a special issue of a journal a good friend was guest-editing. And while it was still reviewed and all that, this one feels a lot more real and a lot more like my first one.

And sure, I know that the average number of readers for any given journal article is 3 and the modal number is zero, but I'm not letting that get me down. I'm damn proud of my paper that no one will ever read.

So today is a good day. And I'm heading back to God's country so very soon, I can almost taste it. Life is indeed looking up.

Big Uppin the Hometown

Though I may be stuck out in the Godless East Coast, it warms my heart to see the hometown getting some positive press. Though anyone who's been through knows it, people are finally starting to recognize the greatest city in the world for what it is.

For starters, British politics and lifestyle magazine Monocle named Minneapolis one of the 20 most livable cities in the world, citing our world-class arts, theatre, dinning, and a whole host of other great things. And quick on the heels of this report comes the regular update of how Minneapolis continues to lead the nation in volunteering for the umpteenth year in a row, even in spite of the fact that volunteering rates are dropping nationwide.

So there you have it -- a kick-ass city with the nicest people in the nation. That's God's country for ya.

The Right Wing Does Not Get This One

There's an hilarious op-ed in the Wall Street Journal today by Andrew Klavan suggesting that the Dark Knight is nothing but a thinly veiled tribute to the Bush administration. As The Hater points out, Mr. Klavan has to stretch pretty far to make the connection, with his best evidence being that the bat signal looks kind of like a W. He also makes the entirely specious comparison that lefty documentaries against the war have made far less money than this supposed paean to the right-wing and organized murder. Because documentaries always out-gain giant summer blockbusters, you know.

But even beyond his flawed logic and gargled tones (you see, it's hard to understand someone when they're so busy fellating the president), the analogy simply doesn't work. After all, Batman actively refuses to kill his enemies, because he knows that as soon as he does, he's no better than they are. The whole movie is set up to deliver the message that no matter how capricious or cruel your enemies are, if you abandon your morals in fighting them, you've already lost. The only times in the movie when the bad guys actually win are those times when the heroes stoop to their level, which is exactly what those bad guys want in the first place. You know, like when a certain Reagan-funded billionaire pays some people to crash planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon in order to provoke a war which recruits him thousands of new allies after the inevitable imperialist backlash.

But hey, far be it from me to suggest the Wall Street Journal has some sort of editorial bias that might blind them to the obvious morals of the film...

American Teen Review

Just went to my first-ever pre-release screening tuesday night. It was for the up-coming docudrama American Teen, and while it didn't really blow me away, I'm a sucker for having gotten to see a movie before everyone else gets to. Really the highlight of the movie was the grand-prize raffle drawing for a one-night stay at the Four Seasons, which I unfortunately did not win.

The movie itself was more or less a live update of the Breakfast Club, as it followed the senior year of a popular jock, a rich beauty queen, a weird arty girl, and a band geek. Only Judd Nelson was missing.

Ultimately, it was a fairly fun movie, but it suffered from the fact that it had relatively few surprises for anyone who had ever gone to high school. Well, actually I should say anyone who went to high school in the Midwest (it was shot in Indiana) as people of color were for all intents and purposes completely absent in the film. But otherwise, the popular girl stayed popular and didn't get into trouble for anything, the jock played basketball and remained popular, the weird arty girl continued to be weird and arty, and the nerdy band kid stayed a nerd. The best parts of the film were actually these little animated montages that more-or-less mocked what the kids wanted to do with their lives, some deserving that treatment, others not so much.

I really wouldn't recommend anyone rush out and see this unless you're a big reality t.v. fan, but it's a pretty solid rental, if nothing else than for reliving your awkward high school moments through other people.

USA! USA!

Of all the things the U.S. leads the world in -- imprisonment, military expenditure -- perhaps the one we should be most proud of was just discovered. The World Health Organization (WHO) just released its first-ever cross-national drug use statistics, and the U.S. comes well out on top in both marijuana and cocaine use, despite having some of the most draconian anti-drug laws in the world.

Our slightly over 42% of the population who admits to using marijuana (a number that is low compared to some other reputable social surveys) ranks in at twice as high (no pun intended) as the Netherlands, where pot is legal. Our cocaine usage rate of 16% is four times as high as Columbia, a nation practically drowning in...well...Columbian marching powder.

Hmmm...so it turns out arresting 830,000 people a year on drug charges gives you the world's highest rate of drug usage. Not to be too radical, but maybe if there's a widely available, non-lethal drug that nearly half the population of the nation uses despite incredibly harsh laws and punishments, maybe we should think about a different way to handle it. You know, other than locking up nearly a million people a year and changing absolutely nothing but people's arrest records...

Everything I Do Turns into Terrorism

As I've mentioned before in this space, I don't usually go looking for trouble, trouble just finds me. I mean, I'm a political activist and all, so obviously I'm bound to get into some kind of shenanigans sooner or later, but I feel like I've gotten into more of my fair share. You know, like the kind when the FBI shows up at your front door.

Anyway, a new and interesting corollary to all of this is that everything I am connected to is also slowly becoming terrorist, too. For instance, not too long after I got seriously into activism, my dad, the humble high-school chemistry teacher, apparently became a terrorist.

And now, only a little more than a year after I joined the editorial board of Contexts, it will be featuring an article by noted sports-critic and now recognized terrorist Dave Zirin.

Man, I'm like the King Midas of anti-leftist hysteria...

Adding A Completely Unecessary Voice to the Chorus

Friday night I did something I have never done and really never thought I would do: I waited, with ticket already in hand, in line 3 hours for a movie. Oh, and it was in Washington D.C. in July. Which means it was (according to the bank on the corner) 92 degrees during that three hour wait, with a humidity level of roughly 1,946,833%.

But damn if it wasn't worth it. I can only say that pretty much all the reviews were correct. I went into this movie with ridiculously high expectations and yet somehow still feel the movie exceeded them. After the movie, all I could pretty much do was sit there and mutter "wow" to myself. And, of course, like everyone else, I was so blown away by Heath Ledger's iconic joker performance that I found myself incredibly bummed out that he could never repeat it, though in a way I think it serves to cement its iconic status.

What really resonated for me in the story were the none-too-veiled references to the war on terror. As Batman so eloquently demonstrated, if you lose your ideals in attempting to destroy evil, you've completely failed, because your no longer fighting for anything. It's almost as if the movie was trying to tell us that, say, invading a country because its ruthless dictator tortures all those who disagree with him in these horrible chambers of death and then using those same chambers of death to torture all the people that disagree with you is not doing any good for the world. But that might be me reading too much into it.

Anyway, go see the movie. It's fucking brilliant, and proves what the overweight outcast in middle school knew all along: that comic books really do tell great stories with intricate morals that are both moving and relevant. And as a former overweight middle school outcast who loves comic books, it's really gratifying to see the rest of the world finally catch on.

Why the RNC *Might* be a Good Thing

It should come as no surprise that I'm not a very big fan of Republicans or the absurd spectacles they put on to congratulate themselves on destroying our nation and a good chunk of the rest of the world. That being said, I'm actually kind of glad the RNC is going to be in the Twin Cities this fall.

No, I'm not happy about the millions the state is shelling out in revenue, or the way most (if not all) of our civil liberties are being rolled back in the Twin Cities so that we don't upset the Republicans and their fetishistic hated of all things free.

But I do like that fact that I just need to take a nice walk to protest their horrible ways. And I'm really excited about the fact that on the back of protest concerts already announced by the likes of Tapes N' Tapes, P.O.S., Anti-Flag and others, Steve Earle and Tom Morello announced they will be rocking St. Paul during the convention. Even more exciting, Morello has slyly hinted that some "friends" will be coming along as well, leading to rampant speculation that Rage will be playing, or at least some other kick-ass names will be showing up.

So I guess you can chalk this one up to my eternal optimism, but even this hardened radical is kind of happy that the RNC is coming to town.

Big Ups to the Mountie

You know, I wasn't even going to watch the Home Run Derby until it was announced that Morneau would be participating. And despite the heroics of the heroin-addict guy (in case you haven't already memorized every detailed of his story, you needn't worry for you'll hear it approximately 5,000,000 times before the end of the season), he pulled it out.

And like a true Canadian-turned-Minnesotan, he was more gracious in victory than the heroin-guy was in defeat. He seemed almost embarrassed to win, and gave big ups to Mr. Heroin. Even when all of the reporters rushed passed him to interview the loser, he still graciously said everything he should have.

The announcing, like usual, was terrible. Though rick Reilly did make the good point that for a sport as diverse as baseball it was a bit odd that there were only white guys in the competition, they pretty much top-to-bottom disrespected "Jason" and the Twins, as the national media always does. Firejoemorgan.com has a pretty good round up of the most stupid things said throughout the season.

But all-in-all, it was one hell of a show and it was very cool to see the first Twinkie ever to win the derby. Now let's just hope that it doesn't end up ruining the rest o his season like it has for so many other derby winners...

Barely Containing My Righteous Anger, Education Style

Blogging is always tough when you're on vacation, even when it's a working vacation. In fact, it's even harder when it's a working vacation, because in addition to playing tourist and meeting new people and all that, I'm doing actual work nearly every day. Damn you graduate school. Gone are the salad days of my youth when summer meant 14-20 hours of television a day, and my only concern was baseball standings. Now, I'm actually filling my summer days with work and responsibility and I don't like it.

But that has nothing to do with this post, it's just an excuse as to why I've been shirking my blogging duties lately. The actual purpose to this post is to lament that final dying days of the liberal education. Today the strib is running a run-of-the-mill tight job market story. But what got my attention was the also (unfortunately) typical accompaniment to such articles, a poll question asking if colleges and universities put too much emphasis on liberal arts education.

To put it politely, fuck that bullshit. This is like asking if hospitals are putting too much emphasis on curing disease. The last time I checked, the very reason that colleges and universities exist is to provide a liberal arts education. If you just want some job training, go to a community college or tech school. They're fine places, and they'll certify you for a wide variety of careers without making you learn a bunch of stuff. But if you go to a liberal-fucking-arts university, I think you should expect to take some liberal arts courses. Because, you know, it does happen to be in the fucking title of the institution.

As a scholar of criminology, I think we get this a bit more than most other majors. A good chunk of crim students just want a piece of paper that will help them become a cop (though I must admit it's not as bad at the U as it was back in Ioway). But as is usualy the case, it's the people who complain about it the loudest who typically need it the most. Call me an old-fashioned sucker or a wide-eyed idealist, but I'd just like a police force (and citizenry in general) capable of rational thought. And that, my friends, is the purpose of the liberal arts university.

So if you're asking whether colleges and universities put too much emphasis on liberal arts education, then I'm afraid you're really asking if they're spending too much time doing their job.

Gluttony Fucking Rules,or How I Celebrated the 4th

Last night, I had what may long be remembered as the greatest moment of my life. I ate at Fogo De Choa, a putatively Brazilian steak house. I don't know how Brazilian it actually is, but I do know exactly how American it is: very.

Long story short,for an un-Godly sum of money, you get all you care to eat of a rather wide selection of high-end meats, ranging from filet mignon to filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Ok, so there were many others, but these definitely dominated my several plates.

Though it's hard to estimate how much I was eating, as I'm still in a meat-induced haze, I'm pretty sure it would be measured in pounds, not ounces. And though my dining partner and I would occasionally stop to reflect on how much places like this are a giant "fuck you" to the millions of starving peoples in the world, it sure didn't stop our meat orgy.

And what is more American than that?

Happy Day of Independence to White, Property-Owing Males!

So I know I've been on a big political tip lately, but sometimes you just get fired up about things. And lately, I've been a bit upset about the fact that we're torturing people. And yes, I say "we" meaning all of us, because let us not forget that the majority of people who devised and approved of the torture techniques used are elected officials. Shit, a lot of them even ran on that platform.

If you were at all intrigued by the description of Taxi to the Dark Side (which if you haven't went out and gotten yet, please go do now), then you'll really be interested in Christopher Hitchens' recent article on waterboarding, aptly titled "Believe Me, It's Torture."

Hitchens was subject to waterboarding under controlled circumstances, knowing he could quit at anytime and go back to his cushy day job with no fear of reprisal. And yet his description of his brief encounter with the notorious torture technique speaks volumes. Go read the article, it's fascinating in the sickest way possible. Hitchens' also does a great job of laying out the case (or more accurately, repeating how the case was laid out for him by an Army interrogation specialist) on why torture not only doesn't get good or reliable information, but actually makes our nation far less safe. Not to mention it's horribly fucking wrong and should never be done to another human being for any reason, but that argument is a little too bleeding heart I suppose.

Well, have a good time grillin' and watching fireworks tonight, but do try to remember that while you're doing that, hundreds of innocent men are being brutally tortured and murdered by our own government. Enjoy!

Taxi to the Dark Side review

Just got back from a screening of the documentary Taxi to the Dark Side. Though it's hard to separate the flotsam from the jetsam in the recent glut of anti-war documentaries that have come out, this one definitely stands out. Taking a hard look at the U.S. torture practice in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Guantanamo, it made me angrier than anything I've seen in a long while.

Besides some really shocking facts (for example, the U.S. Military admits that over a third of the deaths of those in detentions were willful homicides), it really blows the lid off of any of the illusions you may still be desperately clinging to about the morality of the United States government or military. Of course, the painful juxtapositions really make themselves, as you look at the bloated corpses of innocent men who have been beaten to death (after being forced to stand naked chained to a wall for days in a row, then forced to masturbate in front of cheering guards, then attacked repeatedly by vicious dogs, then repeatedly told their mother is a whore while being force-fed I.V.s until the soiled themselves, and about a million other indignities) as you are then immediately taken to a smirking Donald Rumsfeld saying that it's nothing worse than what he has to do in his day-to-day job.

And it completely blows away the argument that these people are so dangerous that we much imprison them and torture them lest they attack us. Because not only does the military admit that the vast majority of them are not Al Qaeda, insurgents, or in any way a threat to us, but it proves who the real terrorists are. I am now much more afraid of the United States military than I am of any sort of Islamic terrorist.

Though I think what I'll most take away from it is the fact that no one responsible for this will ever be punished. Sure, a few scapegoats will get a week or two in jail, but Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney and the whole lot of those arrogant war criminals will never be brought to justice. In fact, as the movie points out, Bush has already signed a pardon for himself in the event that he is charged with any war crimes. It reminds us that the real reason the Nazis were tried at Nuremberg is because they lost. For when you win, it doesn't matter how many innocent people you tortured and murdered.

When They Do It...

Whenever I watch a game show in which obviously working-class people are making idiots of themselves for what amounts to really not that much money in the grand scheme of things, I can't help but think how propagandistic this would look to anyone outside of capitalism. As my old man always notes, the problem with Americans is that everyone of them think they can become rich. So even though the vast, vast majority of them never will, they resist higher taxes for the wealthy or any sort of income redistribution because they see it as a moot point, given that they will be rich themselves someday.

And this is clearly what game shows are predicated upon; they're basically saying "no, don't get upset about your inability to pay for basic human services like healthcare and heating for your house, for someday you could win big!" If the Soviet Union had had shows like The Price is Right we would laugh at the propaganda they need to keep their citizens thinking their lives aren't so bad and filling them full of false hope. Yet when we do it...well, one man's propaganda is another man's patriotism.

Unfortunately, the bad-for-them-ok-for-us mentality extends far beyond game shows and mystifying propaganda. For it turns out that the military's guide for "interrogation" at Guantanamo Bay was simply copied verbatim from the manual the Chineese used to torture Americans during the Korean war.

So when they do it's torture, but when we do it...you get the idea.

East Coast Tour '09

For a guy who really, really hates the East Coast and all of it's better-than-thou stuck-up-ishness, I seem to be ending up here a lot. This time I'm doing a month out in the District of Columbia while the misses earns us some dolla bills.

Anyway, it's a long drive, and while a bunch of crazy stuff has happened (including a hippie fest in Columbus...where it is legal for women to be topless, just for the record) I'm too tired and have too limited computer access at the moment to regale you all with stories right now.

But in the meantime, tide yourselves over with a new entry to the ol' blogosphere, my soc buddy Tim. He's new to the world of blogging, so head on over, check out his stuff, and give him a virtual pat on the ass. Tell him Jesse sent you.

It's Just Like the Cool Toys

You know how every cool toy is invented once you're just too old to play with it? The lady friend's two-year old nephew definitely has way cooler shit than I ever had as a little one.

And now the state of Iowa is doing to me what the toy-makers of the world have been doing to all of us for years: making cool things once we're gone.

When I lived in Iowa I saw exactly three good shows: Dylan at the State Fair, Willie at the Cattle Congress, and then Willie opening for Dylan at the minor-league ballpark.

But now there's the 80-35 festival.

Just look at some of the people in this ridiculous line-up:

The Flaming Lips
The Roots
Yonder Mountain String Band
Jakob Dylan
Andrew Bird
Drive-By Truckers
Black Francis
Ingrid Michaelson

And that's not even half of it.

I lived in that damn state for 23 fucking years and nothing, nothing even approaching this cool ever came through. But then you leave for a year or two and lookie what happens...

Weighing in on the Shaq Thing

So Shaq did some pretty shitty freestyling and made fun of Kobe. It's not really as ground-breaking of a terrible event as the media would put it. Really, the story there is that he's gotten no better with the mic since the Shaq Diesel days, easily in the running for worst vanity musical project ever (but really, what is the worst vanity music project ever? that's a good future post idea). It's not surprising that he was publicly a jerk to a guy he wouldn't have won three of his championships without. According to all of his public behavior to this point, he seems like the kind of guy who's a huge asshole but hides it behind acting like he's just a funny guy, joking around.

But you know what? I'm still fine with him being raked over the coals. Because I cannot stand the man. He's not even a good basketball player. His skills involve being really tall and really fat and not getting fouls called on himself. You know, I could score 30 points in a game if I didn't take a shot from more than 3 inches away from the basket all night, too. And of course Wolves fans will never forget the Western Conference Finals game with time expiring at the half when Shaq simply pushed over a motionless Kevin Garnett, stepped over him (without dribbling) and dunked, in both the clearest traveling and charging violations ever committed in the game of basketball, yet there was no call. So that doesn't really help me like him.

But even worse than his shitty-basketball-disguised-as-good-basketball are his notoriously conservative political views. In his spare time in Miami he was a deputy police officer who even helped out on some drug raids and he wants to be a cop when his career's over. Being a cop isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but being a conservative asshole who acts like he's entitled to the world and a cop is a bad thing.

Well, at least he's finally gotten some comeuppance. In light of the offensive language and racial slurs in Shaw's rap, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has stripped him of his badge. Even the Sheriff admits it won't really do anything, but it's nice to finally see someone publicly call this guy out on his bullshit in some capacity...

Because Sometimes Pointing Out the Obvious is Fun

Republicans are racist.

Ok, not all of them. I'm always reminded of a great David Cross bit in which he says "I'm not saying all Republicans are racist, sexist homophobes. That would be absurd. It's just the people they elect to office who are racist, sexist homophobes"

And he's right. Not every Republican is racist, but there sure are more than a few of 'em who are. For example, check out a button that was selling like hotcakes at the Texas state Republican Convention:



Yeah, I know it's not that surprising in the great state of Texas. And I'm not much of an Obama fan, because the guy is nothing but empty rhetoric about change he damn well knows he is not going to make or is even planning on making (for instance, read about him backing down on his previous commitment to fight NAFTA). But still, this is pretty fucking bad

R.I.P. George Carlin

To add my voice to the cacophony of folks eulogizing Mr. Carlin today, I thought I'd toss up a quick note about him before I get to work today. Though most folks in my generation are probably familiar with him as Rufus from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or as the conductor of Shinning Time Station (he was wayyy better than the Ringo character), or possibly his short-lived sitcom, I fortunately had a buddy or two who were into his good comedy and got me properly introduced.

Though I don't buy the "new Lenny Bruce" tag hung on him (it's like calling people the new Jordan; just accept that there was only one) he was a great comedian and a great advocate of the freedom of speech (the mug shot above is for doing his routine in Milwaukee and "disturbing the peace" with naughty words), both efforts which have enriched our little world. He'll be sorely missed.

A Grand Ol' Time at the Midway

This past Friday I went to my first ever Saints game, and watched the next-door-to-hometown boys destroy their hated rivals Sioux Falls 7-nil. And even more fortunately, they did it by the 7th inning, thus insuring everyone in the crowd some free ribs. And really, isn't that the point of independent league baseball? Sure, when you get down to it, it's really just inferior baseball played by guys you've never heard of. And sure, you could drive 20 minutes the other direction and watch one of the most exciting teams in the bigs. But then you'd really be missing the point.

The point of independent league baseball is to watch some guy who really love the game play for little to no money. It's bad for them, but great for you, as you can get right behind home plate for $13, or the same price you'd pay at a big league stadium to be vaguely able to make out the fact that a ball game is going on. And where else do you see a random guy in a Mexican wrestling mask roaming the stands for reasons I can't quite figure out? In fact, I'm still not sure whether he was employed by the Saints, or just a guy who likes to dress up and come to ball games.

But the best thing about indy league baseball is that the recognize that baseball is really kind of a slow game, especially when most people there don't really care about the outcome of the game. As such, there is a great emphasis placed n between-inning entertainment and crowd give-a-ways. And because of this, I had my very first-ever experience of being in a prize-winning row. Sure, it was no Hormel Row-Of-Fame, but I did get a free foam finger, and there's nothing more apple-pie-American-baseball than that.

So if you're like me and had been meaning to get out to a Saints game but never actually got around to it, you can't be a cheap night at a gorgeous stadium...and a high likelihood of free foam fingers...

Why I'd Be a Twins Fan Even If I Weren't

For those of you who weren't watching the Twins beating up on the hapless Nationals last night, you missed a great play that was inches away from an amazing play. With runners on first and second, there was a sharp grounder to thirdbaseman Brian Buscher, who stepped on the bag, rifled it to Alexi Casilla, who just barely missed the bag before sending it on to Morneau for the second out.

Any good Twins fan was already thinking it before Bert said it: Gaetti, Newman, Hrbek. In a 1990 game against Boston, the venerable infield, just a season away from wining it all, turned two triple plays in one game. To put it in perspective, that is not only the only time that has ever happened, the record for triple plays in a season is 3. Yes, the Twins infield got 2/3 of the way to the season record for triple plays in one game. Of course, being the Twins, they lost that game 1-0, but still...

To bring this to a point, that is exactly why being a Twins fan is so much better than being the fan of a team that "wins consistently" or "puts up offensive numbers." Sure, the Twins may be last in the bigs in homers (though they're safely in the top half of runs scored), but let's face it -- homeruns are really pretty boring. Not all the time; everyone can appreciate the drama of a slugger getting a big homer when his team is down late. But with the steriods era and general power surge (not to mention the DH in the American League), homeruns are pretty common. And most of them aren't dramatic at all...sure, you get to see about a cool two-three seconds of a big swing and then a towering fly. And then you get to witness the pure excitement of a fat man jogging and the historicism of knowing this guy will only do that another 30-40 times this season and a couple of hundred times over his career.

Contrast that with knowing that at any moment, you could see one of the rarest plays in baseball, a play that requires athleticism and split-second reactions, much more so that a fat guy standing there hitting something. Call me a purist, but I think it's a bit more engaging to watch a team, you know, play baseball instead of line up a bunch of guys for a homerun derby and then take the next half of the inning off.

And that's why Minnesotans love the Twins. Even though they'll pretty consistently break your heart, they play the game the way it's supposed to be played. And out here, we'd rather you do something the right way than win.

This is Sadly Very Un-Surprising

For those who aren't already familiar, wikileaks is probably the most important website to have been launched in recent history. Much like it's apolitical big-sister wikipedia, it's a one-stop, user-run clearinghouse for leaked documents alleging corporate and government misconduct. And again much like wikipedia, it is subject to the whims of a few jerks with too much time on their hands, but is far more often than not right on the money.

Well, wikileaks has recently received a 219-page document authored by the United States government on methods of counter-insurgency. Please only read this if you already have a handy several-feet-thick wall of cynicism protecting you like I do, but in the meantime, have a sample:

The manual, Foreign Internal Defense Tactics Techniques and Procedures for Special Forces (1994, 2004), may be critically described as “what we learned about running death squads and propping up corrupt government in Latin America and how to apply it to other places”. Its contents are both history defining for Latin America and, given the continued role of US Special Forces in the suppression of insurgencies and guerilla movements world wide, history making.

The document, which has been verified, is official US Special Forces doctrine. It directly advocates training paramilitaries, pervasive surveillance, censorship, press control and restrictions on labor unions & political parties. It directly advocates warrantless searches, detainment without charge and the suspension of habeas corpus. It directly advocates bribery, employing terrorists, false flag operations and concealing human rights abuses from journalists. And it directly advocates the extensive use of “psychological operations” (propaganda) to make these and other “population & resource control” measures more palatable.

The document has been particularly informed by the long United States involvement in the El Salvador…

As Jonathan Schwarz points out, for those doubting the authenticity of the document, remember that a few years back the State Department advocated the use of "The Salvador Option" to bring Iraq under control.

So, with the risk of adding several more feet to the aforementioned wall o' cynicism, please explain to me why I should continue to believe in a government that openly espouses torture, kidnapping, and murder as completely acceptable foreign (and domestic) policy initiatives?

Good News on Coffee

As I sit here rather wired after my third cup of coffee, I pass along with pleasure the idea that coffee may reduce the risk of heart attacks and cardiovascular disease. A Harvard Medical School study of 125,000 found that those who were regular coffee drinkers were much less likely to suffer heart attacks or other related diseases.

Granted, it's a rather preliminary study, and there could be a whole host of other reasons why these results were found, and I'm hopefully a long way off of worrying about such things, but in the meantime, at least I on longer have to feel guilty about one of my biggest vices...

Nice Work if You Can Get It

By now you've more than likely already heard David Brooks pontificating about Obama's chances in the election and taking him to task for not fitting in at the Applebee's salad bar. And I'm sure you've also already heard that Applebee's does not now, nor did it ever, have a salad bar.

For anyone who ever reads David Brooks' work, this is not surprise. The man has built his entire career around pretending that liberals are elites while proving how embarrassingly elitist he is himself. I think you can actually hear irony slowly gasping for life as Mr. Brooks savagely beats it every time he writes. Brooks may be the most pristine example of media and conservative hubris, as he constantly undercuts and insults regular people in order to prove he has their best interests at heart.

But yet, here he continues to have a regular column in the New York Times, the nation's most prestigious newspaper. Think about it -- the guys constantly fucks up the one thing he is supposed to do, and is rewarded with more money and more respect. Take a second to think about how that would work in your day-to-day life. If you fucked up everything you did, constantly revealed yourself to be a complete idiot and incapable of even the most fundamental logic, would you still have a job? I know I wouldn't.

But then again, maybe I'm just so elitist I believe people should be required to "understand" things if they're are going to be seen as "credible," which I'm sure is something very foreign to the folksy columnist/television-pundit/millionaire. But when you're making nearly $12,000 a year like me, you lose touch with ordinary folks...

I Cannot Be the Only One Who Sees This

In case you've been living on Mars, in a cave, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears, you're probably aware of Wall-E, the newest Pixar release coming out this summer. The early buzz is pretty positive, and I'm sure the delightful li'l scamp gets into all sorts of wacky hi-jinx set to the tune of today's hottest music and eventually learns some sort of lesson in the end. I'm also sure that we'll be forced to view this image roughly 17,000,000 times this summer. But since I saw it for the first time a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but note the uncanny resemblance to a cheeky robot from an early era, the incomparable Johnny 5:



I'm not sure that the plots will be at all similar, but this one is bound to feature both less racist-stereotype characters and less Steve Gutenberg. Both of which are positive signs of growth in American society, I suppose.

Cleaning/Stroking My Ego

Spring is for cleaning, as the old saying goes. Well, there is probably no saying that goes like that, nor is it likely that there was anyone who's ever said that phrase (except of course for me doing it right there).

Nevertheless, as a grad student, you have very little free time. It becomes very hard to use your precious few moments of free time every day for mundane activities like cleaning and hygiene. As such, the first few weeks of summer for me are almost always spent digging my apartment out form under all the crap that has built up over the course of the school year. This also extends to the electronic realm, where I've been busy at work going through and deleting hundreds of old e-mails.

But fortunately for you, lucky reader, I'm vain enough to save my own outgoing e-mails I think are clever, so that I may read through them and be amazed at how brilliant I am. And don't pretend you don't do the same thing...

Anyhoo, I found one that I thought I had already blogged about but apparently have not. Please enjoy:

I've been working on a paper all day, so I walked home for some dinner and to watch teen nick on saturday night (well, only one part of that was intentional... which one? Who knows?!? Sounds like a job for Boy McBoy, Jr., the junior boy detective!) and I actually saw the following inoffensive events on some sort of "teen" based variety show:

Black girl walks in door
Overweight black boy makes eye contact with her
Both run to fridge
Both grab for...wait for it...

The last grape soda.

They both want it so bad
So they have a...wait for it...

Dance off for the last grape soda.

Fat black boy dances in funny dance
Black girl dances in funny dance that is apparently better
Fat black boy dances again feverishly
Black girl dances feverishly as well and knocks over fat black boy
with...wait for it...

Her large buttocks (I believe they refer to it as a "booty").

Fat black boy knocked to floor
Multiethnic supporting cast runs to his aid
Fat black kid humorously asks to be avenged (canned laughter is amused)
White girl defends his honor by dancing

White girl dances poorly.

Black girl also knocks over white girl with booty
Enter svelte black boy
Svelte black boy dances well
Black girl dances well
Both dance so well they explode

Fat black boy gleefully gets up and chugs the grape soda.

Thankfully, in all of this, not a single racial stereotype was used. I mean, I remember a time when t.v. shows were all predicated upon outmoded racial stereotypes.

Thank the good lord we've passed that dark age.

Working on Vacation

Been out of town quite a bit lately, so I haven't had much time to update the ol' blog. I was going to write a really interesting and thoughtful entry on the passing of Bo Diddley, but it got lost to the vagaries of time and the information super highway. Suffice it to say it made me sad and should make you sad, too.

But in the balancing sad news with good department, Dennis Lyxzén and David Sandström of Refused and The (International) Noise Conspiracy fame, have formed a new band, AC4. No crazy sonic experiments or up-beat dance here, it seems to be pretty straight-forward hardcore. But I trust these kids in pretty much everything they do, so I'll be seeing them at any upper-midwest tour stops. And you probably should, too.

There's Possibly a God

Joining the long-line of "actresses" that trade in their (questionable) fame in one medium for an awkward atonal stab at music, Scarlett Johansson released an album of Tom Waits covers last week to charitably middling reviews.

I actually heard the single from it last week on the Current, and despite the fact that she recruited (read: paid enough money to) Bowie to sing some backing vocals, it could most kindly be described as completely boring and lacking of all musicianship. Well, to be fair, the arrangement was fairly interesting, but the "vocals" were just plain terrible.

As someone who fancies himself a bit of a singer (former college music major), it's really insulting when people think that just anyone who wants to can be a good singer. It actually takes work, you know. Just because you don't have to learn any fingerings or hold an instrument doesn't mean there's no talent involved. Good singers work hard for a really long time to become good singers. Hard work, practice, and some natural talent makes good singers. Sleeping with Woody Allen does not.

So I couldn't be happier that in it's first week of sales, the album has moved a middle-level college-act-worthy 5,000 units. To put this is perspective, when Kevin Federline released his terrible, terrible rap album, Playing With Fire, it sold over 6,000 copies in it's first week.

So my great enjoyment of this fact may be a bit of schaden freude, but I hope all future actresses turned singers take note that Mrs. Johansson's experiment failed to break the Federline-line and will stay the hell away from the microphone...

Gov't Crackdown Continues

The City Pages reports that the Minneapolis PD and the FBI are "looking for an informant to show up at 'vegan potlucks' throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protesters" in order to gain insider information and crackdown on protesters. In an interview with an un-named informant, Matt Snyders reports that the local cops and the feds are trying to infiltrate the anti-RNC movement.

Of the two officials named in the story, one was Erik Swanson, a local of the U of M PD and too-big-for-his-britches rep for the FBI's Joint Anti-Terror Task Force. Loyal readers may remember Mr. Swanson as the fella who questioned me in my undies a few years back. Turns out he really gets off on this kind of thing, apparently. But then again, who doesn't enjoy playing dress up and pretending to be a spy? I know I sure did. You know, before I turned 6 and grew up. But hey, not everyone matures at the same pace.

Without going on too much of a Dennis Miller-esque soapboxing rant here, I'd just like to point out that while people often like to laugh at the paranoid delusions of leftists who believe the government is spying on them and out to get them might want to take just a second to read the article. As the old saying goes, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Oh, and if you're a little annoyed at this illegal violation of civil liberties, Sgt. Swanson's e-mail is swans078@umn.edu, his office phone is 612-624-9560, and his his cell is 612-290-4688.

Don't You Hate Coming Home to Bad News?

Got home from a great time visiting the folks back in Iowa, and was welcomed by a pretty shitty development in local politics. Minneapolis, following Bloomington and likely preceding St. Paul, has recently passed incredibly restrictive measures for staging a public protest. Amongst the new additions to the law citizens must get permit more than 15 days prior to the event (thus eliminating the possibility of any emergency protests) and it gives the police the right to on-the-spot amend any of the provisions of the permit as well as revoke the permit at any time for any reason. Or in other words, to effectively eliminate the possibility of any protest ever taking place that the city of Minneapolis does not want to take place. You know, the government needing to approve all forms of political expression. When the Soviet Union did this, we called it "censorship" and and a "dictatorship," but I'm sure this is completely different.

While this is clearly in preparation for the upcoming Republican National Convention, these laws will be permanently on the books, crippling all forms of political resistance for the foreseeable future. Please take a moment to contact the Minneapolis City Council members and disagree with them, while it's still legal:

Don Samuels: don.samuels@ci.minneapolis.mn.us
(612) 673-2205

Paul Ostrow: paul.ostrow@ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2201

Diane Hofstede: diane.hofstede@ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2203

Barbara Johnson: barbara.johnson@ ci.minneapolis. mn.us
(612) 673-2204

Cam Gordon:
cam.gordon@ci.minneapolis.mn.us
(612) 673-2202

Gary Schiff: gary.schiff@minneapolis.mn.us
(612)-673-2209

Mayor RT Rybak
rt@minneapolis.org

And What's Named After You?

It was recently announced that a new rare breed of spider that has just been discovered will be named after Neil Young. Yes, the designation Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi will certainly fill all that shelf space he's been setting aside for Grammys and platinum records.

The same article linked to above also pointed a rather complete Wikipedia list of people with some form of animal or insect named after them. Not surprisingly, every member of the Beatles and the Stones have an insect named after them, but somewhat surprisingly so too do every member of the Ramones and the Pistols. Sadly, though, only two of the Traveling Wilburys have such an honor, thought I expect a big Jeff Lynne fan/scientist to get on that soon.

But even better than that? Four people are listed with a specific type of beetle named after them. They are, in order: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Adolf Hitler. Yep, not making that up.

Orson Welles also gets a major shout out, with four different insects named after him and famous roles of his.

I'm thinking all of this gives me a new goal. No longer do I yearn for out-moded forms of fame like wealth or popularity; no I'm looking for the day when some obscure Ph.D. in microbiology is studying the Legionella wozniaki.

Victory Against T.C. Military Recruiters

Those irascible kids with Youth Against War and Racism (YAWR) are at it again. Fresh off a victory limiting the access of military recruiters in area High Schools, they were featured in a Fox 9 investigation last night. The investigation uncovered (surprisingly) that military recruiters in the Twin Cities are actively and continually lying to children to get them into the army, including one recruiter who "accidentally" told a potential recruit the army would give you $450,000 to start your own small business after service when the number is actually a slightly less $40,000.

As a result, 4 recruiters in the Twin Cities area have been suspended. A good victory, but the fight is not over. However, we can learn a great deal from this. Foremost, of course, is the fact that desperate recruiters will do or say pretty much anything to get you to go die in an illegal and immoral war. But just as interesting is the way in which folks all over the country have proved it's not hard at all to catch them in these lies. So if you're a young person with a video camera or tape recorder and you're sick of military recruiters sending your friends off to die, why not take an afternoon off and do some under-cover investigation?

In the meantime, you can watch the full segment here

In Case You Haven't Seen It...

The great Bill O'Reilly video has been yanked from YouTube, but fortunately, folks are keeping it alive. Check it out here.

The video *(definitely not safe for work)* stars everyone's favorite loofah/falafel salesman during his Peabody (whoops, he meant to say "Polk"...same difference) award-winning days at Entertainment Tonight, that bastion of journalistic integrity.

I won't give too much of it away, but basically it just proves that it's not the spotlight that make O'Reilly a gigantic asshole, but rather that gigantic assholes like O'Reilly search out the safety of the spotlight from which to attack the weak and powerless; assholes, of course, alays being giant cowards.

The long downslide of the best children's writer ever

As The Onion recently pointed out, the holder's of Dr. Seuss' estate are doing a terrible job taking care of his work. I don't need to go on a long rant to point out the obvious problem in continually licensing the works of a man who tried to use simple, old fashioned creativity to teach children about the hollowness of conformity and materialism for giant paychecks, terrible and poorly adapted big-budget movies, and bloated promotional schemes.

Recently, they even cracked down the Lake Elsinore Storm, a minor league baseball team trying to hold a Dr. Seuss night with green-egg-and-ham themed concessions and players wearing red and white stripped socks. In short, a classic minor league ballpark promotion. But the (dare I say it?) Grinches of the Seuss estate shut it down after demanding a $1,000 licensing fee and $4,000 security deposits for officially licensed character costumes, a price pretty much out of reach for a Single A baseball team. After all, the reason they pull these crazy stunts is to generate a sliver of revenue in the first place.

But the bright side is this resulted in the most (and probably only) clever press release in the history of press releases, penned by Matt Dompe, the Storm's director of game operations, and assistant GM Alan Benevides. The press release, in full:

The Padres affiliate, the Lake Elsinore Storm
Tried to put on a promotion that wasn't the Norm
We called it Dr. Seuss Night on our website
But something about that didn't seem right

Dr. Seuss Enterprises didn't see it as funny
They said we could do it but we didn't have the money
They didn't appreciate our publicity ploys
So we have to inform all the sad girls and boys

Through the face of it all we thought we'd persist
Until we were served with a cease and desist
The theme has been cancelled but the game will go on
Perhaps it wouldn't matter if we were in Taiwan

A Sad Day, Indeed

Sue Johanson, the woman Conan O'Brian once referred to as "the MacGuyver of sex toys," is hanging it up this weekend. Johanson's show "Talk Sex" was deliciously surreal, as the septuagenarian delivered straight-faced information on sex toys and sexually transmitted infections, as well as general sex advice.

The show was a favorite of the kids when I was in college. Not really sure why, seeing as it was like being lectured about sex by your kindly grandmother, but then again, maybe that was the appeal...I suppose there's a whole thesis in there about the secret longings of outwardly cynical youth for a kind and comforting guidance through their collegiate sexual experimentation. Or maybe it was just because it was really funny. Either way, it's sad to see her go.

Racial Disparities Persist in Drug Arrests

Human Rights Watch released a new report on the War on Drugs today, and surprisingly, African Americans are still more likely to be arrested on drug charges than their white counterparts, and far, far more likely to be sent to prison.

But you know, they should still be thankful for all we do for them...

Update: Turns out white kids do drugs, too. But note that they only get investigated after a high-profile death on a college campus. It will be interesting to see what kinds of punishments are dealt in this case.

And Abe Lincoln, a White Man, Set Them Free

Many years ago Mr. Show had a sketch in which they were desperately trying to get hate mail. So they were making really offensive racial comments and singing songs about them in order to get that much-needed hate mail. The point of the sketch was to think of the most horribly offensive things they could say and to run with them. So it opened with them having a discussion about the horrors of African slavery, which segued into the fact that Abe Lincoln was responsible for the emancipation of African slaves in America, to which they added "So to our African American friends, we say...you're welcome!"

Now, in this context, it was obvious they didn't actually believe that, and indeed found it greatly offensive to suggest such things. The whole point was that comments like that are so offensive they would guarantee them (rightly) getting hate mail.

But now Pat Buchanan has said the exact same thing, except he's serious. Instead of a joking ploy to get hate mail, he just actually believes that African Americans should be thankful for all that white people have done for them, save possibly that awkward 400-year period where we were kind of still feeling out how our relationship was going to work.

In fact, he doesn't just say that they should be grateful, he says that "no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans." You know, except for the 4 centuries of slavery, the century of legally-enforced apartheid, and the continuing racial disparities in all major health, education, income, wealth, and well-being measures. Other than that, yeah, white people have been pretty good to blacks.

You know, it's getting really hard to make good ironic sarcasm these days when conservatives are literally repeating old comedy sketches about the most offensive statements possible as if they were intelligent insights...

Another Reason to Hate the News

10 days ago, the New York Times reported a large (and illegal) program of Pentagon-backed pro-military commentators that were pushed onto news shows to deliver government propaganda. What's that you say? You haven't heard of this? Maybe it's because not a single major news network has covered it. Apparently an illegal program of government propaganda designed to push us into an illegal war that has killed over 1,000,000 people is just not that interesting.

But you know what is interesting? When Hillary recently challenged Barak to a "Lincoln-Douglas" style debate, this is the photo Fox news used:



Remember, Douglas is the pro-slavery one...

The Simpsons Shame Game

As I've noted before, I've got an ongoing project to see who, if anyone, could ever complete the trifecta of guest appearances on The Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy. To my knowledge, it's never been done. And I put far more faith in my knowledge of Fox sunday-night cartoon shows than I do my knowledge in sociology, and I'm getting a Ph.D. in sociology.

My council has always had the idea kicking around of compiling a list of Simpsons guest stars who have died. When you really start to add it up, it's testament to both how long the show has been on and its incessant need for trendy guest stars when you see how many people have passed since their appearance. But after watching the softball episode the other day, I got to thinking of another interesting category: how many people have been publicly shamed since their appearance on the Simpsons? Sort of a Simpsons jinx, if you will.

That list actually gets pretty long as well. I mean, look at the players featured in the softball episode: Roger Clemens' steroid use is only slightly less obvious than Bonds', things haven't worked out so great for Daryl Strawberry, and well, the less said about Jose Canseco, the better. And the next pro baseball player to appear on the Simpsons? Oh, a little fella by the name of Mark McGwire.

And yesterday the news broke that recent guest star/soccer great Ronaldo was questioned by police after picking up some transvestite prostitutes. And the proud tradition carries on...

Hegemonic Keyboards (Part II in a never-ending pop-pedagogical series)

Hegemony is a seemingly simple concept that is often difficult to get across to people. Developed most intensely by the Italian Marxist theorist Antonio Gramsci, it's essentially the "soft" side of the state that comes to the fore in liberal democracies. Instead of simply using brute force to control the mass of people (as was done in previous social formations and is still done in many places today), most capitalists lead through ideology. In the place of repressive force, we instead have schools that emphasize timeliness and obedience to authority, churches that emphasize accepting one's place in life, a media that posits ours as the best nation in the world, etc. Hegemony refers to the notion that through these ideological apparatuses people are not only conditioned to accept the world as it is, but to see it as the only world possible, no mater how irrational or dangerous that world may actually be. Thus, force can be reserved only for the few who don't get it, while the majority would never even think of rebelling.

The standard QWERTY keyboard is a great example. Though it's hard to ascribe to it the same importance as the imperialist capitalist powers that Gramsci was discussing, it's still a great example of hegemony.

Why? Two words, my good friend: CAPS LOCK.

I just used the caps lock button to write that, and it marks the first time in my life I've ever intentionally used it. Think about it yourself -- when is the last time you meant to use the caps lock button? Better yet, how many times in your life have you ever meant to use it? And now contrast that with how many times you've accidentally hit it and been really annoyed. My ratio between accidental strokes of the caps lock key to intentional ones is roughly 1,067,592:1.

Not only is a completely useless button (there are already two shift keys, which fulfill the exact same function), but it also gets some of the most prime real estate on the keyboard. Right next to A, the third most commonly used letter in the English language.

Why? Why put the most useless button next to one of the most commonly used? Why, because the QWERTY keyboard has achieved a hegemonic position amongst keyboards. Even though in many ways its designed is fundamentally flawed (it was actually originally designed to slow the pace of typing, after all), it is rarely questioned. Because of its hegemonic position, most people have a difficult time imagining any other keyboard design.

So there you have it, hegemony explained. And in the process, we've discovered the first priority of the revolution: to abolish the caps lock key.

Incidentally, I just found out that next spring I'll be teaching my very own course for the first time...so...keep that on your calendars

Catholicism and an Island Full of Lizards

Being Catholic is a weird spot to be in in today's America, mostly because people who aren't Catholic don't really get it. We're definitely Christians (actually, the original Christians), but the similarity between us and the crazy-ass fundamentalist assholes who running around spewing hypocrisy and fellating strangers in public bathrooms pretty much stops at having the same God.

Evolution is a great example. Unlike the protestants, we've believed in evolution for quite awhile now. Sure, it took us longer to get there than some, but it's been that way since before I was born, so it seems like a long time to me. But yet when people find out I'm a Christian, they tend to assume that means being some weird anti-science zealot.

But the point of this post isn't to be about how there's so much more variety in the Church than people think there is, because there's been plenty of that written and yet people are still incredibly misinformed, but in the way that most people are misinformed about most all religions.

No, the point is that recently scientists have discovered that an Italian lizard introduced to the island nation of Croatia in the early 1970s has already greatly evolved in a scant 30-some years. The animal's bodies have changed so as to become vegetarians when they were formerly bug eaters, getting new teeth, a different-sized head, and extra organs to digest the new food sources.

It's a pretty fascinating development and it will be really interesting to see what kind of discoveries come from this, but I just wanted to take the opportunity to point out that I'm a member of the Christian denomination that sees this as an interesting scientific development, not an assault on our way of life and a heretical attempt to challenge the infallible wisdom of God.

The Fun of Juxtaposing Headlines

Two headlines on the strib today, seemingly unrelated. First, the Vikings have signed Jared Allen, possibly the best pass rusher in the NFL. Buried about halfway through the article is that the Vikes are taking a risk because Allen has two DUIs and if he gets another will most likely be suspended for a year. Which is a long time to sit out for a guy they just handed $31 million to.

The next headline? Minnesota ranks third highest amongst all states in DUI arrests.

Now given that the top 5 are, in order, Wisconsin, North Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska, and South Dakota (way to go Dakotas!), I don't think Mr. Allen could have come into a worse situation given his particular proclivities. But on the plus side, I feel like I now have an answer for when folks from warmer climates ask what we do all winter.

Oh, and I have a new activity for the winter: Jarred Allen DUI pools. My money's on mid-November, when it just starts to get cold enough for him to realize where he's moved to.

Cautiously Optimistic

If i could i would keep this feelin in a plastic jar
bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
settle down, barbeque in the backyard
the kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
everyday that gets passed is a success
and every woman looks better in a sun dress

In the great frozen North, we're always treated to a fake spring every year. Every March there will be one week of gorgeous mid-60 degree weather and the shorts will start to come out and everyone will think it's grand, and then two days it's snowing.

But this is the third straight day of 60 degree weather and I'm starting to let myself believe it's actually spring now...seeing as it's the 22nd of April. Better late than never, I suppose.

And that's the great thing about nice weather; it's kind of like a puppy. No matter how aggravating it can be in its behavior, you forgive it as soon as you look into its spring/puppy eyes. Ok, bad metaphor, but the point is that the weather makes everything better. Even studying and writing are not so bad with the windows open, birds chirping, and the radio playing good music. I'd most definitely keep this feeling in a jar...

ActiFest Line Up Announced

For those of you in/around the Twin Cities, the schedule for ActiFest was recently finalized. Check it our here.

It's a fairly easy one-stop shop for progressive organization in the Twin Cities and on the U campus, so it should definitely be on your calendar.

For those of you not in the Twin Cities area...do your part by finding a conservative person and punching them in the back of the head today.

Concert Review Kimya Dawson w/ L'Orchidée d'Hawaï and Angelo Spencer

Though I'm sad to admit it was my first time there, the little lady and I caught a great show last night at the Cedar Cultural Center, conveniently located across the street. And I must say, I was blown away by the space. It's an awesome venue, not to mention a non-profit run by volunteers focused solely on putting great shows for affordable prices (for example, Billy Bragg will be there in June for $20...can't beat that).

But last night's show--unexpectedly one of the best shows I've sen in a long while. It may just be the fact that I really haven't been getting out to shows much lately, but it was a doozy.

Opening Acts:

Angelo Spencer: The first of two French acts, which was the first unexpected part of the show. A typical single guitar player with a bass drum and hi-hat for accompaniment...think Joe Buckyourself, but more folky. Pretty good, but fairly generic. Also, at several points in time during the show, he insulted the English system of measurement. Look, I sez it before, and I'll sez it again: my car gets 40 rods to the hogs head and that's the way I likes it, dammit.

L'Orchidée d'Hawaï: Go find their CD right now and buy it. These guys blew me away, both with an incredible stage presence and some of the best music I've heard in a long while. They're kind of a surf/country/doo wop sound...like Dick Dale meets early Buddy Holly, but French. Songs ranged from bittersweet broken heart fair, to happy frolicking good times, to covers of obscure Japanese surf ballad instrumentals, to traditional Italian love songs. Do yourself a favor and go to orchidee-hawai.com right now and check them out. I've already listened to the CD start to finish twice this morning. These guys may have been an opening act, but they completely owned the show. It's a fairly rare occasion when the audience begs the opening act for an encore, but is fine with it when the headliner announces she's done.

Headliner: Kimya Dawson

I know there's a bit of Kimya Dawson backlash after the surprising success of Juno and it's equally surprisingly successful soundtrack, but it's not because of anything she's done, it's just a standard hipster pissing contest. She was mostly doing songs off of her upcoming children's album Alphabutt and some old classics. She was pretty good throughout the night (though I was hoping for an update on her rumored deal to be a semi-regular on Sesame Street, but it never came), but she's not much of a live performer. As Krissy pointed out, it's fun to listen to her albums, but she brings pretty much nothing to the live show. Just sitting there motionless with her eyes closed as she rattes off song after similar-sounding song. I don't mean to say it wasn't good, but by the end, it started to drag a wee bit. Maybe it's just because it was late on a wednesday night.

Overall, though, a fine show. Incidentally, the Cedar is in the midst of a huge push for donations (again, they're a non-profit, so they largely subsist on donations) and have a matching donation program this month, so your dollars count double. It's a great venue putting on some cool shows and it would suck to lose it, so chip in a few bucks if you can.

My 400th Post

I realize this is a completely meaningless milestone, but what you are reading, dear friend, is my 400th post on this humble li'l blog. The post that follows has nothing to do with this fact, but I thought you'd like to bask in the glory inherent in such a momentous event.

But anyhoo, anyone I talk to on any form of a regular basis is familiar with my unceasing praise of the The Av Club, the back page of The Onion that has become it's own full-fledged house of cultural criticism. It's perfect for the young snarky hipster (or those with a young snarky hipster hidden deep inside of them), but not in an alienating way. Think Pitchfork if it weren't written by assholes.

But mostly I love it for the way in which it allows aging cool kids such as myself the ability to act like they're still up on the underground, even though they've long lost the time and inclination necessary to be on the cutting edge of music/movies/all forms of popular art.

For example, in just one day today, I've both learned that Bill Cosby is finally putting his money where his mouth is and producing a rap album (take that, Cornell West!) and I got pointed in the direction of several killer (and free) mixtapes.

I know this is a weak cop-out of a post, but it's that time of the semester where I feel like my mental powers should probably be dedicated to more worthwhile pursuits. But hey, if I can't come up with anything good, at least I know how to point you in the direction of something better. And I'm pretty comfortable with that.

So then what exactly is rape?

The verdict is in in the rape trial of Dominic Jones, and he's not guilty of rape, but instead was convicted of "unwanted sexual contact with a physically helpless woman."

For those of you not in the know, Jones, along with 3 other U of M football players, videotaped themselves having sex with a woman who had already passed out and did some pretty graphic stuff to her that even I feel is too shocking to repeat here.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not so naive as to think our criminal justice system works as it's supposed to. I completely understand how deals are cut and pleas are made, and that only very few people are ever convicted of the crime they committed. And I know that this more than often goes the other way, with people being punished far more harshly than their crime warrants, especially in the case of young African-American males.

But even I, the flaming leftist, have a problem with this ruling. To repeat, the man videotaped himself having sex with a woman who was passed out. I don't know that there could a more textbook definition of rape.

Now I'm not arguing they should lock him up for some obscene amount of time, but the man clearly at least needs some counseling. Because he not only obviously knew he was raping her (again, she was fucking passed out), but he also videotaped himself doing it, and did some rather disgusting shit to her in the process. Clearly he doesn't even view women as human beings, let along people deserving of his respect. And by barely punishing him, the court is completely legitimizing that world view, not just for him, but for the many people who have followed this trial.

As someone who's known quite a few activists who have gone to jail, let me put the proposed 8 month sentence in perspective. When one goes to the School of the Americas (now the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security and Cooperation), the school that teaches Latin American strongmen how to rape and kill nuns, and in protest walks on the base to ask the soldiers to stop teaching and arming these right-wing thugs, they receive a 6 month jail sentence. When you rape a passed out woman and videotape it to share with your friends, you receive an 8 month sentence.

So to recap: asking people to stop raping and murdering people: 6 months in jail. Raping people on videotape while you laugh about it: 8 months.

Good thing that whole "women's liberation" dealie is over, or people might be upset about this...

The 4th Horseman of the Apocolypse has just vomited

It has finally happened.

Geffen records hs confirmed that Axl has finally turned in the completed Chinese Democracy.

Yes, the album that has taken a mere 14 years, $13 million, and roughly 7,265 band line-up changes is complete.

I dont use the term "greatest moment in the history of recorded music" very often, but in this case...

Do it for the children

People who only casually watch movies (or casually listen to music, or insert any artistic medium here) often can't understand why those of us who follow them pretty closely get so upset about shitty movies. And I can really only speak for myself, but I would wager that this applies to many others, it's not that these movies are necissarily so atrocious (though they often are), it's more that in a world populated with so many brilliant movies, why would you watch the same derivative, formulaic shit over and over again?

I'm not arguing that you need to throw away all of your movies and watch solely Citizen Kane for the next 6 months so that you may critically analyze all that it represents. I just mean to say that any shitty, quickly-produced star fuck picture can easily be replaced by a similar, good movie. Much in the way that nearly all corporate music is merely an over-produced derivative of artistically interesting movie, pretty much all shitty movies are just white-washed re-creations of good movies. So why not watch the good movie instead?

However, there is a special reserve of hatred all of us who wish to appear hip to good movies have for those movies with absolutely no redeeming credit and those who produce them. For example, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the geniuses behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet The Spartans. These people feed off of an area below the lowest common denominator and will apparently stop at nothing to destroy American cinema. I don't just artistically disagree with these people, I genuinely hate them with a passion.

In this vein of director/producers, though, there is a kingpin: Uwe Boll. Specializing in turning video games into (terrible) movies, he is the mastermind behind such classics as Bloodrayne, Bloodrayne II, and Bloodrayne III (currently in pre-production). His movies go so far beyond even good-in-a-terrible-way that I'm pretty sure they are true signs of the coming apocolypse.

But there is hope. Mr. Boll has agreed to stop making films forever if a petition can be gathered with 1,000,000 signatures asking him to stop. Thanks to those ever-enterprising internet nerds, we now have the petition. It just needs your signature. As of this writing, it has a little over 47,000 signatures. Please sign it before DigDug: The Movie and DigDug II: The DigDuggening are inflicted upon the children of America...

Missing the Classics

Some Jimi Hendrix came up in my iTunes shuffle today and it got me ruminating about the necessity of classics. I've never gotten into Jimi; I really only have a couple selected tracks on my iTunes that come up every once in a while on shuffle, but that's it. I don't own any albums, and I would never just sit down and listen to a Hendrix album.

It's not that I dislike it, I just don't really respond to it. I can definitely see his genius...I mean, there's obviously a reason his name is synonymous with the guitar. And I know how massively influential he is, especialy among many of the acts/artists I really love.

But his music has just never really done it for me. I've never been able to get into that jammy 60s kind of blues rock. Again, I don't think it's bad, I just really can't ever imagine myself sitting down and intentionally listening to it.

Does this make me a bad music fan? I try to pose as somewhat knowledgeable about music, but can I even do that if I have no working knowledge of Jimi? Are their certain people you're just not allowed to skip if you're a rock fan? What about you, faithful readers? Are there people in your cannon that you're emberassed to admit you just didn't go for no matter how popular/talented they hapen to be? Is this to be allowed? Or should I really be stockpiling some Jimi and forcing myself to understand it? Discuss...