Why You Don't Make Enough Money

Despite being the Greatest Country in the World™, the United States usually lags far behind Japan and most European nations in measures of well being, things like health, income, security, etc. One of the biggest gaps is in labor -- most European nations average at least 4 weeks of paid vacation a year, with fewer hours worked for higher wages. Contrast that to the U.S., where even a week of paid vacation is seen as something that must be earned after years of work, and wages continually plummet, in both real dollars and compared to inflation.

There are many reasons for this, but the Christian Science Monitor has a good quick hit piece this morning that points to a big piece of the puzzle: union activity. As you can see form the chart below, major work stoppages in America have pretty much become a relic of the past as unions offer more and more concessions to employers and refuse to deploy their most valued asset. To be fair, much of this is due to shits in employment patterns and threats of outsourcing, but a good counter-example is Greece, where the entire country is on strike right now.

Sure is a far cry from the good ol' US of A...

Steel Cage Matchup: Duluth vs. Madison

Minnesota and Wisconsin fight over a lot -- which state is home to Paul Bunyan (Minnesota), which state has the better football team or hockey team (Minnesota), which state is most irrelevant on the national stage (Wisconsin).

But we can now add another chapter to this long and pointless border grudge: alt-country rock legends Wilco.

After the Mayor of Duluth made Tweedy and company an official honorary Duluth band, the Madison city council has introduced a motion to recognize "America's shiniest rock object" as honorary citizens of the Wisconsin capital.

Ah snap, the shit is on...

Unemployed? Now You've Got Your Own Unionw

U cubed, the new union for the unemployed started only a few months ago and already has representation in 49 states.

The idea is that much like unions (at one point in time, at least) brought some semblance of power to working people by bringing them together to bargain and politic as one unit instead of thousands of individuals, so too should the unemployed attempt political reforms as one.

It's a pretty young organization, but it has a pretty solid model. Members are organized by zip code and form small cells to elect leadership and set local priorities. All of these groups are then linked up in broader local networks and national networks on line.

Obviously it's far too early in the campaign to see if it will be successful or not, but it's certainly an exciting development. And given that it now has the backing of over a dozen major trade unions (with more to come), it could actually turn out to be a pretty powerful vehicle for expressing the concerns of one of the most underrepresented sections of American society.

Too Say The Powerful Never Pay for Their Crimes Is Insane!

I often try to explain to my students that the reason they think criminals are poor people of color is not because poor people of color commit more crimes than anyone else, but because they are prosecuted more than anyone else. If you actually look at the numbers in terms of money lost, injuries/illnesses, and deaths caused, white collar crime is by far more harmful to our society than are all other crimes combined.

Yet we rarely prosecute white collar crime, and when we do, the punishment is rarely proportional to the crime. The example I always use is that the CFO of Enron, who stole in the billions of dollars and destroyed thousands of lives and was convicted of 109 felony counts, for which he received 10 years in prison. In contrast, in California under their three strikes rule, a poor Hispanic man named Leandro Adrande stole two VHS tapes from a K-Mart and received a 50 year sentence. Why? Well, one was rich and powerful, and one was poor and of color. Hopefully you can fill in the dots from there.

Well, another great example of this is unfolding right now. Dick Cheney has come out of his secret hiding spot to hit the political talk show circuit and has been proudly touting his support for and instigation of the use of torture. The problem is, torture or conspiracy to torture is a federal offense punishable by death.

Yet we all know Dick Cheney is in no trouble of ever coming in front of a judge, let alone facing the death penalty (we tend to reserve that kind of thing for the poor people of color we're all so afraid of). Yet here he is, going on national television to repeatedly talk about the federal crimes he committed and how proud he is of them.

But I suppose only a crazy radical leftist could see any injustice in that...

Happy Friday!

An uplifting friday post: children's drawings rendered in reality by Japanese conceptual artist Yeondoo Jung. Enjoy!

We've Always Got Money For Political Grandstanding

One point I always try to get across to my students is that our laws and criminal justice priorities usually have less to do with stopping the most dangerous crimes or offering citizens the most protection, but instead tend to be more abut what is politically popular or in the interests of those who create the rules.

Pedophiles are one of the best examples of this. Obviously, the sexual abuse of children is a horrible crime with often devastating consequences for those victimized. But what we do to pedophiles surpasses the harsh treatment of pretty much every other criminal.

Think about it -- people convicted of sex crimes have to register their homes, cars, employers, and often daily activities with the authorities. Though laws vary state-by-state, in most places they are required to actively identify their homes and vehicles as being used by a convicted sex offender. Many places make them take out ads in the paper announcing their arrival and even appear in front of the community at large events to out themselves and have scorn and abuse heaped on them. They usually can't live within a mile of where children gather, leading to the infamous cases like Miami where the only place sex offenders can legally live is literally under a bridge.

This is in no way to defend the actions of sex offenders or to argue that they're sympathetic characters; it's just to point out how harshly we treat them. Think about it -- we don't make murders do any of that, and I would argue they're at least as potentially dangerous as are sex offenders.

Well, with Minnesota's latest budget, you can see this over-the-top response in action. While facing a massive budget shortfall and gashing important social services, Tim "I Want To Be President Real, Real Bad" Pawlenty proposes throwing away $89 million on a facility to house sex offenders. As the article linked to points out, even if such facilities were effective (which research has found they really aren't) this would still only impact about 3% of the states sex offenders.

But it will pass, I can almost guarantee that. Why? Simple -- what politician is going to be the one that votes against punishing sex offenders? The only ones who can do it are those who have no intention of ever running for office again, as "being soft on sex offenders" ads would be the first thing run by any opponent they would ever face again.

And that is how laws that have absolutely nothing to do with protecting the populace or effectively fighting crime are passed, while the rest of us pray our bank doesn't jack up the rates on our mortgage and force us to share that bridge with the pedophiles...

A Good Morning Read

Remember the right wing hack who broke into a U.S. Senator's office to illegally bug her phone in Watergate level proportions of idiocy (seriously, what is with conservatives and wiretaps?)? Well, Talking Points Memo has gotten ahold of the affidavit filed by the FBI field agent who arrested the four ne'er-do-wells after their shenanigans.

Granted, they have yet to face a trial of any kind so it is possible they may not be guilty (unless they were Gitmo detainees, in which case guilt would have nothing to do with it). So it is possible they may be able to come up with some really crazy reason as to why this treason-level federal crime was understandable. But if you take the three minutes to read that affidavit, you'll see they're going to have a pretty damn hard time coming up with such an argument...

Wan to Overthrow the Government in South Carolina? Not Without a License...

Under the state's "Subversive Activities Registration Act," passed last year and now officially on the books, "every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States ... shall register with the Secretary of State."

Yep, you have to register to overthrow the state. And it costs you 5 bucks.

There's lots of questions surrounding this law, the most obvious being "aren't there already laws against overthrowing our government?" But other more pertinent questions also arise, such as, will this law be used against right wing militias that advocate overthrowing the government, or is it just another way to harass vaguely Muslim-looking people? SPOILER ALERT: I think it's the latter.

In reality, this is one of those classic double punishment laws. Many states, for instance, require you to register all money you made from illegal drug sales with the IRS so they can be taxed. Of course no one does this -- no one is really expected to do it -- it's just a way to charge someone arrested on drug crimes with another crime so you can put them away longer. This is called "being tough on crime" or, more simply, "being really fucking retarded."

In any event, I'm hoping for a follow up soon to see who all has registered their intention to overthrow the government. Because certainly any group looking to do that wouldn't dare violate a law requiring them to register their intentions...

It's a Man's World...

Something I talk a lot about with my undergrad students is that, contrary to what you might think from watching t.v. or reading most magazines, the white male is not under attack or a disadvantaged minority. In fact, the white male is still doing pretty well in the U.S. if you take income levels, wealth levels, standard of living, corporate power, academic power, political power, and several dozen other measures as proof of doing well.

But one thing the white male is being asked to do is share miniscule portions of his power with other people (mostly white women). Not give up his overwhelming power and advantages in life, mind you, just share a little bit with some other people.

This might not sound like too much to ask of a group of people who have more-or-less dominated much of the world by hook and by crook for the last 500 years or so. But then again, I don't suppose you violently colonize most of the world by learning to share, so maybe it shouldn't be too big of surprise they're not very happy about being asked to share a miniscule portion of what they have (most of which was, incidentally, stolen from these other folks in the first place, but that's another blog for another day).

Yet it remains that the poor white man is being asked to share. And if you saw this year's Super Bowl, you would think the white man has never been asked to do such a horrible thing in his entire existence. Take the above Dodge Charger ad for instance -- whereas car ads used to dance around the idea that you feel like having to give up any of your unearned advantages is horrible, they're now explicitly saying "stick it to the rest of the world with a shiny, noisy, polluting phallic symbol!"

Well, the good folks over at The Sexist made a nice little response ad to the good folks at Dodge, pointing out that maybe women don't have it as good (or men have it as bad) as they implied in their Super Bowl ad. Check it out:

Big Ups for Little Nicky!

Apparently, February 12ht has been unofficially declared Nick Punto day, with bloggers all across Twins nation chiming in on the little utility man who could. So it just wouldn't be right if your humble li'l blogger didn't throw in his $.02.

To me, Punto is a perfect example of everything that is simultaneously right and yet so wrong about the Minnesota Twins. He's a guy who plays with an intense love of the game, emphasizing speed, hard work, terrific defense, and mediocre (at best) hitting. Nick fits in in Minnesota only because no other major league team would start a man of his proportions and batting skills, but yet you can't help but love the guy.

Sure, he slides head first into first base. Now, this is possibly the stupidest thing a baseball player can do. For starters, it's far faster to continue running. In fact, baseball long ago recognized how much faster it is to keep running to first base and not have to slide so they allow you to over run that base. So not only does sliding into first actually slow you down, it also significantly increases your chance of injury.

Yet when Nicky does it, you can't help but feel he knows what he's doing. And even if it never works (and it doesn't), you've got to love the sight of a hustling little midget man sliding into first. He's just too lovable not to.

And sure, could the Twins find a better hitting third baseman who could still play good defense? Sure they could. But that's not their style. Their style is to find guys like Nick who make highlight reel catches at a rate of about one a game, and who then seem very confused by this long, cylandrical piece of wood they're forced to carry up to the plate several times a game. It may not be high scoring baseball, but it sure is fun to watch.

And now more than ever, as the Twins are actually making off-season moves and acquiring players who may actually be able to play the game of baseball at an above-average level (let's not jinx it yet), I think the Twins need to keep guys like Punto around to remind themselves of who they are. Because yes, I want them to win championships, but I don't want them to do it at the expense of their soul.

Can you win a championship with the likes of Nick Punto starting at 3rd base? I don't know, but I do know that win or lose it's a lot more fun than watching some steroidal jerk like Alex Rodriguez play homerun derby for you. And I'll take that...

With All That Money, You'd Think They Could Afford Their Own Music

In case you don't follow this sort of thing, the military spends big dollars on advertising. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 1.4 billion (yes, with a B) has been budgeted to the Department of Defense for recruiting/advertising. I guess convincing people they should sign up for an organization that treats them like shit and then ships them halfway across the world to die for reasons that change every day requires a pretty slick ad campaign.

And of course, where do you launch a slick ad campaign but at the Super Bowl? The Air Force premiered a new ad showing how flying planes that drop internationally-banned cluster bombs (you know the kind, so deadly and horrific the rest of the world has agreed to stop using them) is really just like skateboarding. And you kids love the skateboarding, don't you?

To seal the deal, the Air Force hired 56-year-old Salt Lake City resident Kem Kraft to write a cool song for them. The only problem? He didn't write a song, he simply played "Fell in Love With a Girl" by the White Stripes. And they weren't too happy about it, releasing a statement saying: "the White Stripes take strong insult and objection to the Air Force Reserve presenting this advertisement with the implication that we licensed one of our songs to encourage recruitment during a war that we do not support."

Kraft claims he's never heard of the White Stripes (odd how a guy who makes his living writing music has never heard of possibly the biggest breakout band of the past decade), but his excuse sounds a lot more like a high school student who plagiarizes their homework and then claims they've never heard of this "Encyclopedia Britannica" of which you speak.

Compare for yourself -- Air Force ad (after the end of another commercial...youtube and all):



Slightly more original White Stripes video for "Fell in Love With a Girl":

How Do You Remember Your Core Principles?

This has been making the rounds of the interwebs, but I just wanted to chime in for a moment on it. Yes, Sarah Palin uses crib notes, which she ever-so-elegantly writes on her hand. And to make sure, I've cross-checked with a number of sources and it appears these photos are legit and photoshop free (multiple photographers have come forward with pictures showing the same thing, so it would have to be a pretty big conspiracy to have been made-up at this point).

And yeah, we all use notes to remind ourselves of things from time to time. But here's a few reasons why this is hugely different, and a great example of how Palin, like most of these hacks, doesn't seem to believe this crazy shit as much as she knows there are a lot of people who will give you large sums of money for talking about this crazy shit as if you believe it.

So why is this different than anyone else using notes? Well, for one, Palin is one of the chorus of idiots who constantly deride Obama for using a teleprompter during his speeches (as has every president since the invention of the teleprompter). If you're going to mock the guy for doing something, you probably should not then do the exact same thing in a far less graceful way.

But it's much bigger than that. This was a speech she gave at the Tea Party convention, and was supposed to be about her core beliefs. I don't know about you, but I don't have a super hard time remembering my core beliefs. In fact, you could say they are are the core of my identity. If you hired me to talk about what I believe in, I wouldn't need to write reminders on my hand, because I fucking know what I believe in. You know who does have to write reminders of what they believe in on their hand? People whose beliefs are a political expediency that is constantly shifting.

But this won't really do anything to Palin's growing cult, because it was never based on anything in the first place. All of the attraction to her that exists has always been based on the fact that she's a formerly-pretty white lady who won't take your guns away and wants to defend you from the possibly Muslim guy who talks about changes he never actually makes. And if you were on board that idea, a little direct evidence of her lack of sincerety is nothing to dissuade you now...


You simply cannot make shit this stupid up

taco bell grieves

Glen Bell, the founder of Taco Bell, died recently. In his honor, the company released this image:




Maybe this is the way the guy wanted to be remembered, maybe this is some sort of sick joke, or maybe that is the sweetes eulogy anyone could ask for: the hot sauce packet-based eulogy.

As always, I'm not making this up™

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

And don't forget the concomitant rise in prostitution and sex trafficking!

Enjoy thinking about that while stuffing your face!

Good, Short Interview For Your Morning Perusal

Bill Watterson, the J.D. Salinger-esque creator of Calvin and Hobbes/professional recluse, just gave his first interview in over 20 years.

It's a nice, short, and interesting read in which Watterson sticks to the idea that he quit the strip at its prime and doesnt regret it at all. As he points out, had he continued to cover the same ground year-in, year-out, most of his fans would be wishing he went away. It's a refreshing take from an artist who could have easily coasted on his name for at least another decade while racking up piles and piles of money. Not that Watterson is hurting for money, given the continued popularity of C&H books and whatnot, but it's such a rare event to see someone not destroy every shred of their artistic credibility for another stack of dollar bills.

In other news, The Family Circus is still being published.

How To Become A Best-Selling Author

One good way is to keep buying your own book.

A lot was made of Sarah "I'm just an average person/beauty queen/vie-presidential candidate" Palin's book Going Rogue and its high number of sales. The numbers, which are big for a non-fiction memoir, have been touted as further proof of Mz. Palin's unstoppable popularity and the American people's hunger for her home-spun wisdom.

The only problem is that of the sizable amount of sales her book has pulled in, over $63,000 comes from Palin's own PAC, which was ostensibly founded to help Republican politicians. In contrast, that same PAC gave out $43,000 to people actually running for office. Or for those who can't do the math, this supposedly bold political action committee has spent over $20,000 less on political action than it has on copies of its founder's book.

This is actually a pretty standard conservative ploy -- find someone with a lot of money (either yourself, which is usually pretty easy for conservatives, or a crazy, rich backer) and have them buy thousands of copies of your book. This artificially inflates your sales numbers, causing the book to look popular and shoot up the best sellers lists, not to mention driving an increasing amount of media attention your way. Combine with some shoddy fake journalism on your side (like Fox News doctoring footage of the crowds at your book-signing to make you look a lot more popular than you are), and you create the fiction that your book is really popular and selling well, which in turn, drives people who otherwise wouldn't have paid any attention to buy a copy for themselves, thus further artificially inflating your sales numbers.

That being said, I don't really have a problem with her faux populism or artificial sales numbers, I'm just jealous because when I write my first book, there's no way I'll be able to fake the kind of numbers Sarah Palin can, even though my book will be full of actual text about real things instead of crazy babbling disguised as "straight talk."

R.I.P. Howard Zinn

You've probably heard by now that Howard Zinn died. There's not really much I can add to the chorus of obituaries that have already been written about him. I think my relationship with his work was pretty boilerplate -- I first read a copy of A People's History when I was in high school, and it more-or-less changed the way I see the world, like it did for about 50 million other people.

And what more can you say about a man so dedicated to humane ideals that he once re-traced the routes his planes flew in WWII when he was a bombardier so he could find and apologize to as many victims of his actions as he could. I'm guessing there's not a large number of ex-military who have done that.

Right up until the end he was a prolific writer and lecturer, and he will be sorely missed.

Conservative Activists Strike Again!

A group of four "conservative activists" (it's hard to write the phrase, because conservative and activist tend to be two diametrically opposed terms) were arrested recently trying to bug the office of a U.S. Senator. One of the arrested is James O'Keefe, who regular readers might recognize as the guy who went under cover to entrap ACORN workers into quasi-illegal situations (hear a podcast with media expert Peter Drier discussing such attempts to discredit ACORN here).

My favorite part of the article? As O'Keefe was leaving jail on bail, apparently the only thing he said to reporters was "the truth shall set me free." Leaving aside the fact that leaving jail means you are currently free, I'm very interested to hear what truth that is. Dude, you were caught red-handed trying to bug the office of a United States Senator -- there are not too many situations in which that is not a crime. I can't wait to find out what "truth" there is out there that suddenly makes an obvious federal offense totally fine and understandable. I mean, even if I agreed with the guy I'd have to admit he screwed the pooch big time on this one.

So if we follow the safety procedures established by our previous president for dealing with ideologically-opposed activists, we need to convene a grand jury and threaten these four with dozens of years in prison, and assume anyone they have contact with is a dyed-in-the-wool terrorist...

Now That They're People And All...

...here's a handy how-to guide for dating your favorite new people, corporations.

And appropriately enough, a local article about how hard it is living without giant multi-national corporations. A recent state law requiring all state-purchased goods to be American made is straining budgets across the state.

The most ironic part of the article is that one person interviewed bemoans how other countries can recover more quickly from economic downturns because they actually make things that people need. I know it's more about political grandstanding than anything, but isn't part of the purpose of passing this kind of law so that American manufacturing companies, which by law and social pressure must pay their employees at least a decent wage (though often far from a living wage), can at least compete somewhat with multi-nationals that pay their workers pennies per hour?

So if people actually followed this law, then we would have companies actually making things and could recover faster from these kind of economic problems. But what do I know -- I'm sure the short-term solution of continuing to off-shore our production so we can get cheaper mershandise now will certainly pay off in the long run...

It Still Hurts Too Much

Couldn't even read the sports section this morning. In classic style, the Vikes played just well enough to get me to believe, so they could dash my hopes at the last second.

I'm now operating on the theory that Favre was actually Packer sleeper cell and this whole retirement saga/fiasco was just to lull us into accepting him so he could get our hopes up only to crush us...

Yeah, But Do The Saints Have Prince?

If you follow football, you know the Saint have a regular cadre of nuns who always show up to their home games (in their habits, nonetheless). Some are suggesting this gives the Saints some sort of holy advantage in the up-coming NFC Championship game.

But do the Saints have an incredibly odd new song written by Prince? No, but fortunately the Vikings do. Entitled simply "Purple and Gold," Prince wrote it after he apparently had a "vision of the future" during the Dallas game and was inspired to write a theme song for the Vikes' championship run.

Now, whether Prince is more powerful than some nuns is a subject to be debated, but I'd be willing to be none of those nuns have ever worn ass-less chaps, so I think the edge has to go the Purple one...

But What Does Unemployment Look Like?

Unemployment numbers are often bandied about in the media as good or bad, big or small, etc. But it's always hard to know what they mean and who they effect. For example, somewhere like Detroit that has 100% or so unemployment (well, it's not that bad, but close enough) can have a big impact on unemployment numbers. Things may not be so bad elsewhere, but when one big employer leaves the country, it can skew numbers. Or not. I'm no labor expert.

But here's a really cool graphic that has the growth in unemployment broken down by county over the last several years. It does a good job of both showing the big trends in employment, but also showing how it effects different places at different rates. It's worth a very depressing look-see.

And as another note to throw on there, the unemployment rate (which nationally is currently about 10%) only measures people actively looking for work and not in prison. This is big for two reasons: 1) many people have given up looking for work because in many place there simply isn't work to be found, and B) we have by far the most people in prison in the world (most of whom are unemployed). If you put those people in the number (to actually reflect how many Americans don't have jobs), the unemployment rate would easily double. Which means that it's much closer to 1 out of every 5 Americans being unemployed...

In totally unrelated news to balance out that depressing thought, here's a handy Onion infographic on other ways God has shown his wrath through natural disaster, according to Pat Robertson.

Ups and Down for Ioweagens

On the plus side, my beloved Panthers, the powerhouse of the plucky and lovable under-dog Missouri Valley Conference, are now ranked 20th in the nation in basketball. Granted, 20th is only a couple of slots into being ranked, but for a no-name school in the middle of nowhere Iowa, that's a pretty big deal. An even bigger deal? College basketball gods North Carolina are ranked a full 4 spots behind the panthers.

On the down side, Iowa is thinking of adding it's name to the long list of states that have banned the high-proof grain alcohol Everclear, just because some dumb-ass college kid nearly killed himself chugging the stuff. Without even getting into a rant about how Iowa can hardly ban the world's most infamous grain alcohol, why do we always have to make stuff illegal just because people are stupid? Why can't we just skip a step and make stupidity illegal, thus saving fun things for those of us who can use them responsibly, and guaranteeing the continued explosion of the criminal justice industrial complex? It's what we in business call a win-win!

Why Dr. King Was Against The Iraq...er...Vietnam War

Who Supports Green Initiatives?

Apparently the Pope. In the large stockpile of interesting things I probably should have known about but didn't, it turns out Benedict XVI is apparently pretty pro-environment: he's done everything from installing solar cells on the roofs of Vatican buildings to strongly denouncing world leaders for failing to make any sort of real progress at the Copenhagen summit.

Of course, though, global warming is just a scam and this is nothing but further evidence that the Pope is actually a left-wing nutcase intent on damaging free market enterprise, but it's interesting nonetheless...

What Are Your Neighbors Watching?

The NY Times has a great interactive map this morning allowing you to see what videos are most (and least) requested from Netflix for a variety of metro areas.

Turns out the Twin Cities' most popular movie right now is the Curious Case of Benjamin Button (a/k/a Forrest Gump II), which also holds true for my zip code (though my old hippie neighborhood favors Milk...surprise, surprise). Giving me some hope? The least requested movie for my zip code is The Proposal, starring the charming Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I haven't seen the movie, but I can only guess some wacky circumstance is keeping those two from falling in love...or is it?

My only bone to pick with this map is that you can't really define the least requested movie. Netflix has to have hundreds of thousands of movies, and I would guess that several thousand of them are tied for least requested at zero. On the other hand, if you were going to pick one movie out of the pack and define it as the least popular, I'm pretty comfortable with that choice.

Crazy Number 80

As I wrote only a few days ago, Michelle Bachmann is the insane crown jewel of Minnesota's bevy of crazy politicians.

Well, now she's been named the 80th most important Conservative politician in the nation, by the British newspaper Telegraph. The 80th most important Liberal? Bo Obama. Yeah, the dog.

That sounds about right, though: Michell Bachmann is about as important as the President's dog. Couldn't have put it much better myself...

R.I.P. Art Clokey

He may not be a household name, but his claymation friends are (or were...hopefully they still are). Art Clokey, the inventor of Gumby, died this week at 88. Though he's also responsible for the hokey and over-the-top Davey and Goliath shorts, he did use the money from them to get Gumby back on the air, so I prefer to think he was only doing them for the cold hard cash.

Either way, I know Gumby filled up much of my childhood, and a Gumby and Pokey still sit atop my desk, inspiring me to reach for the stars...or something like that. In any event, he will be missed.

Here's Your Weird News of the Morning

Li'l Wayne -- rapper extraordinaire, defender of New Orleans, syrup enthusiast, cake model for Alec Baldwin's daughter, soon to be convict, and all around bad ass -- will provide the voice of Jesus is an upcoming [adult swim] special "Freakniks," masterminded and produced by king of the vocoder T-Pain (who, of course, also played Frylok in the live-action Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode).

This isn't exactly the weirdest news I've ever read over my morning coffee, but it's probably the coolest. And I've got to give it to [adult swim] -- no other block of television can claim to have cornered the coveteted stoner/overweight loser/gangsta market so throroughly...

Michele Bachmann's Crazy Chickens Come Home To Their Insane Roost

You know Michele Bachmann, right? You know, the woman who had an orgasm the first time she met then-president Bush? The woman whose un-paralleled insanity embarrasses Minnesota on a near daily basis? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about.

Well, you probably remember how she said she wouldn't fill out her census because it would send her to an interment camp, or something like that. And she encouraged other God-fearing Minnesotans not to fill out their census either, because then they, too, would be open to all sorts of government mind control now that Obama and his socialist-fascist regime would know their estimated annual income. (Though I do have to at least point out the irony between this "how dare the government want to find out basic information about me?!?" stance and her continued support of government spying programs...)

But if you follow her crazy ramblings, you might notice she's stopped caring about the census so much lately. Is it because she suddenly realized she's bat-shit insane and wanted to back off of her comments to save whatever scrap of dignity she has left?

Of course not! It's because Minnesota is in danger of losing a seat in the House, and the person most likely to suffer from that is none other than Bachmann herself, who would then have to run against another far-more qualified and likely sane incumbent.

And in the end, I guess that would be a pretty good outcome. So maybe this is indeed the one time people should actually do what Michele Bachmann says...

How Do You Decide When to Die?

And does it depend on your marginal tax rate?

It turns out that the super-wealthy (a/k/a our betters) are now desperately trying to cling to life so they can die in the small window this year when the estate tax momentarily lapses before being renewed in 2011. It turns out many wealthy people actually have directives in their wills telling their family to keep them on life support before until the estate tax is temporarily off the books.

Because you can't take it with you, but just because you can't, doesn't mean you should have to pay your fair share of taxes.

And a word on the so-called death tax -- remember, it will never apply to me or you or to anyone you know. If every single member of my extended family died tomorrow and everyone of them left everything they owned to me, I would still not have enough money to qualify for the estate tax when I die. As the article points out, the estate tax applies to about 5,500 people each year. According to the CDC, 2,426,264 died last year, meaning the "death tax" applied to roughly 0.2% of the population. The 0.2% we call the "obscenely wealthy who go to such lengths to avoid paying their fair share of taxes that they artificially keep their corpses alive long enough to avoid paying in any way."

Not noted in the article, of course, is the irony of how much money it takes to keep someone alive who otherwise would be dead. It seems the obscenely wealthy don't mind draining away large sums of money, they just don't want it going to their fair share of taxes...

Teaching Deviance and Safe New Years Eve Plans

As a teacher of crime and deviance, one of the biggest yet most basic points I try to get across to my students is that the two are not the same. That is, not all crimes are deviant and not all deviant acts are crimes. It sounds like a basic and obvious point, which it really is, but it's so important for how we make laws and use the limited resources of our criminal justice system. It's equally important for understanding why certain crimes tend to be committed by certain people and why some communities barely look askance at crimes that shock other communities.

The most obvious example of this concept is speeding. Speeding is a crime, yet it's not at all deviant, seeing as roughly 99% of our population does it (I just made that number up, but I would not be surprised if it were true). But I think a more illustrative example is drunk driving -- it's certainly illegal, and in most places it's also fairly deviant. But even for something so obviously dangerous and risky, there are still varying shades of deviance attached to it (even though it's illegal throughout the U.S.).

For instance, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, and the Dakotas almost always fill out the list of top 5 states for DUI arrests. Now this could be because DUI enforcement is stronger in these states, but if I had to hazard a guess, I would say it more likely stems from the fact that we here in the Upper Midwest like our alcoholic beverages. Also, we tend more rural with far fewer taxis or dependable forms of public transportation.

As such, while drunk driving is still illegal, and probably still seen as pretty deviant by many people around here, it's probably less deviant in the Upper Midwest than it is elsewhere. So while the legal regulations on drunk driving are pretty uniform across the nation (all 50 states now have a BAC limit set at .08), the social regulations on drunk driving are probably weaker around here. And given that social pressures tend to be much more effective in limiting criminality than are legal regulations, you have people more likely to drink and drive yet face the same legal sanctions as they would in a place where it's less socially acceptable.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that it's socially acceptable around here to drive with a BAC of .708 as they do in South Dakota, but if you live in the Upper Midwest and are heading out to a party tonight, you should probably be a little extra cautious about drunk drivers...

Lazy Blog Post

Don't have much time to write today because I'm busy working on funding proposals and taking care of a dog that had to have surgery (yes, I provide my dog with the medical care I myself cannot afford).

So in the interest of posting yet not spending time on something, please do check out the craziest shit said in the media in the past year. Not too surprisingly, Glenn Beck tops the list. S read it, and then remember that thousands of people actually listen to that guy. Then go take a long, long shower...

If You Can Read This, You're Probably a Robot

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01000000111001001101111011000100110111101110100001000000110111101110110011001010
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110001101101100011000010111011101110011001011100010111000101110

Find a translation here.

Put Bert in the Hall Already

Don't have much time to blog today with end of the semester work to do, but I did want to link to a great article by Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnaski arguing again why Bert Blyleven should be in the Hall of Fame.

Bert gets no love from the selection committee because he was never a Cy Young winner or MVP candidate or collector of any of the big awards that make a choice obvious. But if you take a minute and look at what he actually did, he was easily one of the best pitchers of his era, and clearly one of the best pitchers of all time.

Besides, if nothing else, Bert leads the league in sexually inappropriate comments during telecasts, and that's gotta count for something...

That's Not America!

Once, when Homer Simpson was running for Springfield Sanitation Commissioner, he was decrying that sad state of the world by exclaiming "That's not America! That's not even Mexico!"

And that seems to be a pretty common belief in the U.S. -- that we may not be that great, but shit, look at how bad Mexico's doing. We can't be doing that bad...

But once again, the people we look down on have shown us up as Mexico City recently legalized gay marriage. Not some bullshit "partnership" thing, but full-on marriage with all the attendant rights and responsibilities.

But meanwhile, here in enlightened America, things could only be going so well...

How Much Would Universal Healthcare Cost?

My guess is it would be far less than $57,077.60 a minute (and by "guess," I mean "know for a fact").

Yet that staggering amount is what we pay for the war in Afghanistan. Not both wars, just the one in Afghanistan. You know, the war that's taken us longer than both World Wars and is nowhere near being a complete or achieving anything approaching success.

It never ceases to amaze me how we just simply cannot find the money to pay for the medication people desperately need and yet cannot afford, but if we're gonna go kill some people, we always have the money. Even if the reason we're killing people has pretty much no basis in reality. Or no basis at all.

Anyway, just a little something to remember every time you hear a politician or right-wing blowhard tell you that sure, in an ideal world, people wouldn't die from easily cured diseases simply because they couldn't afford the cure, but we just don't have the money for that. Or maybe we'll all be lucky enough to contract deadly diseases that can be cured by bombing defenseless people...

The Most Happiest of Anniversaries, or Lisa, It's Your Birthday

Today marks the 20th anniversary since the Simpsons first aired on a fledgling, never-to-survive network called Fox.

It's almost impossible for me to summarize how big of an impact the Simpsons has had on my life; after all, I was 7 years old when it debuted and have been a super fan since day one. I literally do not remember life before the Simpsons.

And of course, I'm not the only one like this -- my entire generation can be defined through the Simpsons, from their character arcs, to their showdowns with Cosby and the Bush White House, to their irony-laden cynicism that has effectively taught my generation to never believe in anything ("Oh, it's just nonsense words -- you know, like rama lama ding dong, or give peace a chance.")

I don't think I have the time or space to explain what the Simpsons means to me and how it's effected my life, but I will take this angle: I once read an interview with Matt Groening in which the interviewer asked him why a television show (he already had a fairly successful daily comic strip, Life in Hell). Groening said it was because of the ubiquity of television. He wanted to make something that could reach out to the kids in the middle of nowhere, the kids who couldn't run down to the local alternative book store to read up on the latest underground works, because those don't exist in their town.

And this is really what the Simpsons was to me. While obviously a lot of people and ideas had an impact on the person I came to be, the Simpsons was really the first thing I can remember that consistently told me "Life is absurd. The people who control your life and run most every institution are idiots at best, and usually corrupt hypocrites. Just because they have power doesn't mean you should trust them, and in fact, probably means you shouldn't. Also, laughing at the failings of others is a sure fire way to make yourself feel better."

And I'd be willing to venture that is the most important lesson I've ever learned in life...

Insert Stridently Leftist Slogan Here

A recent study released by the New Economics Foundation has quantitatively demonstrated that hospital cleaners are far more valuable to society than banking executives.

They found that for every pound earned in wages, those who clean hospitals created 10 pounds worth of social value, while for every pound generated by bank executives about seven are destroyed through their reckless speculation and the stress on the financial system they produce.

Not to be so radical as to point out that Marx demonstrated this principal damn near 200 years ago now, but it does seem to still be true that people who actually do something for a living create value, while people who do nothing but push money around and get giant salaries and bonuses don't really create anything worthwhile...

Not To Say This Is a Little Shady, But...

If you pay attention to the news from Iraq and Afghanistan, besides being about 90% more attentive than the rest of the nation, you may have noticed that the number killed by coalition airstrikes always seems to be 30 people.

Why is this? Well, one answer could be that the military has developed a special 30-person killing bomb that works remarkably well.

Or it's because, according to leaked military memos, any action which would likely kill more than 30 people requires approval from the highest echelons (specifically, according the memo, either Bush or Rumsfeld had to sign off on it from the get go). So if you were a commander on the ground who wanted to get things going, 30 was the highest plausible number of deaths you could report without having to go through mounds of red tape.

I'm not a sociologist of organizations, but I'm sure there's a term for this kind of thing that explains it quite well. But even without that, you can see how this kind of policy has all sorts of latent effects. Probably the most important, though, is that there is likely a greatly under-reported number of civilian deaths, as you can't report more than 30 people dead.

I don't want to be so radical as to suggest that maybe this is somewhat intentional, but I'll let you draw your own conclusion...

When Does Something Officially Become an Affront to God?

(click on graphic to enlarge)


From the handy blog Graphic Sociology, here's a nice little graphic showing the changing attitudes toward gay marriage over the past 10 years or so in America.

While we're all pretty familiar by now with all of the arguments surrounding gay marriage (you know, human dignity vs. being an asshole), what this graphic really demonstrates is how things that were once non-issues can suddenly become pressing matters. Note that outside of Sarah Palin's Alaska, no sate had any law regarding gay marriage just a decade ago. Now nearly every state has some form of legislation, whether it be legalizing or banning it.

If nothing else, it does kind of take the air out of the "tradition" based arguments -- after all, it's hard to imagine that hetero-only marriage is such an important tradition if no one had ever bothered to take legislative action on it before 10 years ago. One decade of hyper-politicized legislation does not a sacred tradition make...

UPDATE:

Another handy graph from the NY Times notes that only 25 states have laws banning cousins from getting married. So, just for the record, far more states think it's more important to make sure two dudes can't get married than to make sure two cousins can't get married.

What To Get The Person Who Has Everything This Christmas, Part II

How about the Flaming Lips silver fetus christmas ornament? As frontman Wayne Coyne points out, it's guaranteed to "give off vibrations that help all humans progress toward an intelligence explosion." What more could you want?

Check out Wayne shilling it here, and note the sweet traditional Christmas skulls sweater:

No Wonder I Can't Get Money for My Dissertation

I'm currently in the midst of trying to find someone to pay for my dissertation studies, which is neither an easy nor fun process. In fact, the only things that differentiate it from begging on the street for money are that 1) I get to do it from the comfort of my home, rather than the discomfort of a street corner, and B) it's slightly more socially acceptable.

But otherwise, there's very little difference, as I scramble daily to find the best way to beg people with lots of money for a small portion of that money such that I may one day have a job.

And it's really annoying and difficult to do, especially in he middle of a recession. And now I find out that the National Science Foundation, one of the biggest foundations offering funds to lowly peasants like myself is losing a bunch of its money due to its employees internet porn addictions.

Not only does this mean there's less money available, but it makes the process all the more degrading; I mean, it's one thing to beg money, but it's a whole different ball game to be forced to beg for money from internet porn addicts...

...And Again, I Really Love Minneapolis

Don't have much time to write today as I'm busy getting actual work done (a rare event unlikely to be repeated), but did get a delightfully unexpected dose of good ol' Midwestern neighborliness as we're having our first big snowfall right now, and some older gent who've I've never met just got done shoveling my front sidewalk.

Try getting that in your fancy-pants big-city New York...

What To Get The Person Who Has Everything This Christmas

How about 100 year-old Scotch from the depths of the arctic?

The scotch, from McKinlay and Co., was shipped shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton (Ernie Shacks, as the ladies called him) as part of a 1909 expedition. It was discovered by scientists currently working on the Nimrod Expedition underneath a hut they had set up. Well, that's their story at least -- I'm assuming they were desperately searching the ice for anything to dull the inanity of a vast, snowy wasteland and stumbled upon the find of their dreams.

The biggest catch, though, is that the current incarnation of McKinlay and Co. will only be able to recover a small portion of the lost scotch under conservation guidelines agreed by 12 Antarctic Treaty nations. They want it to test it and see if they want to recreate the old scotch.

But I say the skip the re-creation and just sell the world's most exclusive and well-aged scotch their is...

How Are You Set on Trent Reznor Banjitars?

Opting not to go the KISS route and release the same album for 20 years while on a never-ending retirement tour, Trent Reznor is apparently pretty serious about the break up of Nine Inch Nails. So much so that he's selling most of his equipment on ebay.

Of course, most of it is already prohibitively expensive (as I assume it tends to get whenever the seller is famous), but there are some pretty sweet instruments tucked away in all of it, like the above custom-made banjitar (which is currently available for the low, low price of $1,690).

I guess you know what to get for the mid-90s industrial goth fan on your holiday shopping list...

Oh Outrage Fatigue...

The September 11 attacks (often referred to as September 11th or 9/11) were a series of coordinated suicide attacks by al-Qaeda upon the United States on September 11, 2001. On that morning, 19 al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked four commercial passenger jet airliners. The hijackers intentionally crashed two of the airliners into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, killing everyone on board and many others working in the buildings. Both buildings collapsed within two hours, destroying nearby buildings and damaging others. The hijackers crashed a third airliner into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, just outside Washington, D.C. The fourth plane crashed into a field near Shanksville in rural Pennsylvania, after some of its passengers and flight crew attempted to retake control of the plane, which the hijackers had redirected toward Washington, D.C. There were no survivors from any of the flights.

2,976 victims and the 19 hijackers died in the attacks. The overwhelming majority of casualties were civilians, including nationals of over 90 countries. In addition, the death of at least one person from lung disease was ruled by a medical examiner to be a result of exposure to dust from the World Trade Center's collapse.

That's the first two paragraphs of the wikipedia entry for the September 11 terrorist attacks. Just wanted to be clear.

And if you're reading this, you probably know all that. In fact, I would be willing to bet you could give all sorts of more information and details and would think it were laughable if someone didn't know about these attacks.

But that would put you far ahead of Bush Jr.'s former press secretary Dana Perino, who just recently claimed there were no terrorist attacks during Bush's presidency. Go ahead: click on the link and watch her say it.

Let me repeat that to be clear: Mz. Perino apparently does not count the attacks of September 11, 2001 (well over 9 months into Bush's first term) as terrorist attacks. Apparently they were friendly misunderstandings.

Of course, Dana Perino makes her living lying out of her ass. And once again, maybe this was just a really, really stupid mistake.

But I highly doubt it. This is just another example of how the right-wing attempts to re-write history to make it fit their pre-conceived notions. Because of course her completely-wrong assertion about never suffering a terrorist attack under Bush wasn't just a mistake, it was to illustrate how strong a defender of the homeland Bush is, as opposed to that queer-o-sexual, Muslim terrorist currently in the White House.

And, of course, it doesn't matter that Bush was warned months in advance of the worst terrorist attack on our nation in the past 60 years, and then did nothing to prevent it. And then took actions to make matters worse and another attack far more likely.

No, like Reagan, Nixon, and all the other fuck-ups ahead of him, he must've been a brilliant and noble man, so surely something as inconsequential as the fucking objective truth shouldn't inconvenience your narrative at all...

Controlling the News Through Poor Infographics

The above image has been making the rounds on the ol' interwebs for the past couple of days. As you can see, it's a handy Fox News breakdown of who Republicans support for the next presidential run. And as you also might see, if you have 3rd-grade level math skills or higher, the pie chart adds up to 193%, an amazing feat.

This is a great example of not only the shitty, hurriedly-slapped togetherness of most everything the 24-hour news stations do, but also a great example of Fox' repeated "errors" that make their chosen politics and positions look better. Fresh off the flap over their twice in as many days doctoring crowd footage to make various Republicans look more popular than they really are, you now have this pie chart.

And sure, it could just be a stupid error of someone not knowing what they're doing, or it could be a conscious attempt to misuse graphics to make it look like all three of them are wildly popular. And granted I would like to think it was a failure, but we are, after all, in a nation where a large percentage of the population is insulted by the the teaching of scientific fact to their children, so I'm not too sure they would be that quick to notice obvious math errors...

Nerdgasm: Jason Segel + The Swell Season

If you're a fan of Irish/Czech cutesy (former) couples folk music and underrated sweetly awkward comedy, than you'll love Jason Segel serenading the audience at a recent Swell Season gig in L.A.

Turns out that the number in the video is actually his phone number...I got his answering machine, so try it while you can.

A Public Service Announcement

Don't Not Do It Because It's Wrong, Don't Do It Because You Don't Need To

Recently 3 Tennessee football players were arrested on charges of armed robbery. As of yesterday, two had been dismissed from the team and action was pending on the third.

This is absurd for multiple reasons (how much money do you need when you're going to college for free?), but the most pertinent is this: you don't need to do it. Unless you're just in it for the thrills, there are far easier ways for a football player at a major Division I school to get money.

And no, I'm not talking about the indignity of work-study or even a real job. No, you simply get a wealthy booster to give you thousands of dollars under the table. Like this guy:



That's a photo (which was quickly removed) from Kenneth Page's myspace page. Page, a recent high school grad and high-ranked recruit of the Clemson football team, somehow got his hands on thousands upon thousands of dollars in fresh bank bills (in case the resolution isn't very good, those are twenties).

Now one might ask how an unemployed recent high school graduate would come into possession of such a large amount of cash. Perhaps he went trick-or-treating in a really nice neighborhood that gives away thousands of dollars in fresh-from-the-bank bills instead of candy bars...

Or, perhaps, a Clemson booster wanted to make sure their new recruit was happy and well taken care of. Not to make the wild accusation that these supposed amateur athletes occasionally make some good money for being "student" athletes, but it would seem to be a plausible explanation.

Which is what makes the Tennessee case so crazy. Major college athletes don't need to avoid robbing banks because of the legal fallout, they don't need to rob banks because there are plenty of people willing to give them large amounts of cash just because they play football for a particular university. And given the choice between armed robbery of a bank and getting thousands of dollars for free, I would probably choose the free money. But then again, I was busy spending my time in class instead of running football drills, so maybe they just missed that day in logic class...

And Jesus Said "Come to me, and I will give you rest...unless you're a homo"

As a life-long Catholic and someone who tries to follow the scriptures, there's often a bit of cognitive dissonance to work through. Sometimes it's particular bits of theology I can't agree with (I'm still looking for that part of Christianity that actually says gay people aren't people) and sometimes it's extremely embarrassing things my church has done that I can never condone (hiding the sex crimes of multiple known child abusers).

But this week the American church has really upped the ante of reprehensible/hypocritical anti-scriptural behavior. In two different ways, nonetheless.

Hot on the heels of a national announcement by American bishops that they would not support health care if it included any money that could possibly ever be spent near an abortion provider, Catholic Charities has announced they will stop all work in D.C. if it legalizes marriage.

Yes, that's right -- if the District of Columbia says it's ok for people who love each other to get married, Catholic Charities will respond by no longer housing or feeding the homeless. Because that seems like a proportional punishment. After all, there's no better way to make a political point than by punishing the poor and downtrodden.

If I remember correctly, the sermon goes "Blessed be the poor, unless of course, they can be easily used as political pawns in a war over semantics. In that case, fuck the poor."

People often misinterpret the role of infallibility in the Church. Not everything the Pope says is infallible; it is actually only special declarations that are deemed infallible (such as the Virgin Mary being subsumed bodily into Heaven). There's actually a pretty big out for when the Pope (or conservative asshole Bishops) are wrong. Called sensus fidelium it means literally "sense of the faithful." While it's a bit more complicated than this, it's essentially a smell test. Meaning that even in a Chruch as rigid and hierarchical as Catholicism, it is still recognized that if you honestly don't believe the Church's doctrine matches with what God really would proscribe, you can faithfully disagree if that doctrine just doesn't smell right. It's also the only nod toward some form of democracy in the Church, as a big enough groundswell of the faithful can actually change Church doctrine.

And these two recent events would be great examples of a sensus smell test -- no matter what tortured scriptural logic you can come up with to condemn homosexuality, I don't think any truly faithful person can agree that God would want you to punish the homeless as a result...

It's Ok When We Do It...

I've been reading up on the Arab world a lot lately, and I'm really struck by how similar it is to the Christian world, in pretty much every way. Oh sure, the specific details differ, but overall, they're pretty indistinguishable. They both have their fanatics and their hypocrites, their crazy rites that really make no sense, they both blame women for all of men's faults, they both have sect splits over the most minor of differences, etc. Hell, they have the same deity and many of the same prophets.

And of course, even though both of their religions strictly and explicitly forbid killing, they both have managed to find some loopholes that make it ok as long as you're killing the right type of person. And here agin they're similar, as the right kind of person just happens to be anyone who isn't part of their religion (or who is part of it, but can be found to be not good enough).

One of the biggest contemporary resonances, however, is how the other side is nothing but bloodthirsty killers while your own side is nothing but pious and virtuous warriors for good. Glenn Greenwald has a great example of this as David Brooks decries Muslims for being so vengeful and murderous.

Yes, the same David Brooks who cheerleaded the nation into war (against two separate Muslim nations, nonetheless), who mocked those who called on a cease-fire between Palestine and Israel, and who wants to send more soldiers to Afghanistan, ostensibly based on how well that effort is going thus far -- you know, having lasted longer than both World Wars and yet having made essentially no progress, unless you count trading the Taliban (murderous religious-fanatic drug dealers) for the Karzai government (murderous secular drug dealers) as progress...

But yes, Muslims are the ones who enjoy war, Mr. Brooks. You merely think we should constantly be at war and measure all world leaders by their willingness to go to war. Perhaps I'm just not smart enough to parse out the subtle difference between the two...

Why "Reality" Rarely Bothers Us

A recent study by UNC and Northwestern sociologists explained why some people still believe Saddam was responsible for 9/11 despite the fact that both the 9/11 Commission and former President Bush both admit there was never any connection between the two.

The authors of the study point to what they call "motivated reasoning" -- that is, when we believe something, we tend to seek out evidence that confirms it and ignore contradictory evidence, no matter how strong or matter of fact it may be (this may be the same reason why so many Colbert viewers think he's actually a conservative).

Also of interest, one of the authors of the study, Andrew Perrin, was interviewed a long while back by your humble li'l blogger for the inaugural Contexts podcast. In the interview he discusses how polls of he electorate around political races are a "productive fiction." Interesting stuff, and not just because you get to hear my sonorous voice...

PlayDoh Apparently Much Cooler Than I Remember

This is from a series of ads for PlayDoh that ran in Singapore before a Hasbro America rep found out and demanded them pulled.

Frankly, I think they do a better job selling it than the ability to make a long tube in the shape of a crescent moon, but I guess that's why I'm not in advertising.

Dick Cheney's Faulty Memory

We all know politicians have a hard time remembering when they did things that later became public fiascoes. Dick Cheney, for instance, never could seem to remember all those pesky details about the time he illegally outed a CIA agent to punish her husband.

Of course, that's not surprising. But Cheney being Cheney, he took it to a whole new level. It has now been revealed that he provided notes on the original Op-Ed piece that outed Valeria Plame as a CIA agent. And while he acknowledges that it is indeed his handwriting on that article, he now says he can't remember why he wrote what he wrote.

I think I'm going to try this tactic the next time I get a speeding ticket..."yes, officer, that clearly was me speeding, but I can't remember why I was speeding or what the speed limit was, so I can't be given a ticket." Should work pretty well...

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Doing the Civic Duty

Don't forget to vote today if it's an election day where you are. And if you're in Minneapolis, don't forget to give at least one of your three votes to Joey Lombard, of the Is Awesome party.

Shocking News: Bush Tax Cuts Favored the Wealthy!

(click on graphic to enlarge)


In a shocking twist sure to surprise all, the Bush tax cuts greatly favored the wealthy. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Some fun facts gleaned from the handy graphic above:

--The average household tax cuts for the top 1% were only a scant 597 times as much as those for the lowest quintile.

--But in percentages, the top 1% only got 18 times bigger a percentage reduction in their taxes than did the poorest quintile, so maybe it's more fair to look at it that way

--The top quintile had more savings in terms of both real dollars and percentage reduction than did the lower four quintiles combined!

And yet some people have the gall to say that major politicians are beholden to the wealthy and do not even consider the interests of actual working people! I think this graph handily disproves such crazed radical rantings...

Twin Cities America's Safest Place

Yep, you read it right -- my humble little burg has been named the safest city in America. Given our somewhat recent troubles with violent crime, it's a welcome development.

Though we were helped out by having the nation's best workplace accident rate and apparently 7th best natural disaster resistance rate, Mpls actually rated 9th out of 40 in terms of violent crime. I haven't looked into the numbers to verify what they were using to measure the crime rate, but that looks pretty good for the little city that could.

What wasn't mentioned, but may possibly be a big factor, is the idea that no sports team in the area at any level will ever win a major championship of anything, thus ensuring we'll never have any Detroit-like celebration riots. And that's got to make you feel even safer...

How Do You Deal With Your Ancestor's Racist Legacy?

The American South has a tricky time dealing with its particular history. While it's true that every part of America has had its share of problems with racism and discrimination, the South will always stand out as the region that was willing to ignite one of the bloodiest civil wars in history to defend a racial form of slavery (granted, there was a lot more going on than just slavery that lead to the civil war, but it was obviously a big factor, etc.)

But it raises an interesting question -- how can you be proud of your heritage and those who came before you (as most people are) when your heritage is largely built on racist slavery?

For example, many argue the confederate flag has no place in American society outside of museums and history books, given its prominent role in the defense of said racist slavery, while others argue its a symbol of their ancestry and is just as valid as any other historical marker.

Once again, the debate is flaring up as Ole Miss has recently changed its fight song to remove a portion of the song where students chant "the South will rise again." And as usual, some have applauded the move, while others cry that the pc police are ruining their beloved tradition. Of course, little mention is made of the fact that Ole Miss' school nickname is the Rebels. You know, named in honor of the people who rebelled against the federal government to protect their right to enslave Africans.

While I know its easy for me as someone with no Southern connections to say the whole racist legacy should be chucked out the window, I think a more apt comparison is to contemporary Germany. Comparatively, it's likely many more people died in the middle passage from Africa to the U.S. alone than died in the holocaust, not to mention the raw brutality of slave existence in America.

Yet in Germany, no one proudly flies a swastika, claiming its not racist but just a symbol of their heritage. In fact, to this day, many outward symbols of Nazi affiliation are outright banned in public discourse or display. Yet here in America, many symbols of one of our own genocides are proudly emblazoned on pickup trucks and t-shirts, not to mention flown over state capitols.

Again, as an outsider I know it's easy for me to criticize, but I think the central question is still one tha always bears repeating -- how despicable does one's heritage have to be before you simply have to give it up?

There Were Rules on Traveling?

Apparently the NBA has decided to make it official and change the rules on traveling from allowing one to now allowing two steps after a player stops dribbling.

Of course, if you've watched a basketball game in the past 20 years, you know this was already clearly the informal rule, so the change makes little practical difference. Other than the fact that the NBA is now admitting its first step toward removing dribbling entirely from the game.

Next I want to see a rule clarification on how someone can make it from the three-point line to the rim without ever dribbling. I know that most of these guys are pretty tall and can cover a lot of ground in a step, but even with the new two steps rule, I'm pretty sure that's still traveling...

Why You Might Defend Gang Rape (If You're A Republican)

Last night on the Daily Show, Jon Stewart discussed Al Franken's first piece of proposed legislation: a measure designed to change Pentagon policy to not hire contractors who include in their employee contracts that you can't sue the company if you're raped by your coworkers.

Who the fuck even puts that in a contract in the first place? Who at Halliburton is sitting there thinking of the likelihood of gang rape on the job site and making sure to cover themselves in the contract? And who could oppose such a piece of legislation?

Well, it turns out 30 Republicans opposed the amendment. Let me restate that: 30 Republicans voted against a bill to prevent gang rape.

Why did they oppose it? Because of course Franken isn't concerned about the victim of a brutal gang rape (who, when she tried to report the rape was locked in a crate so she couldn't report on her attackers), but instead it's a political attack on Haliburton, trying to take away their government contracts just because they explicitly endorse the gang rape of their female employees.

As Mr. Stewart pointed out in the clip linked to above (sorry, the embedded player is not working this morning), if to defend Halliburton you have to defend gang rape, you might want to find someone else to align yourself with.

Have I Found My Mayoral Candidate?

Here in Minneapolis there are 11 people running for Mayor in the upcoming election. Some are tired old-time party hacks, others the obvious fringe candidates with heart and no chance at victory. But one stands out -- 22 year old Joey Lombard, whose political philosophy is summed up as "Is Awesome".

Running a campaign which he has promised will not spend more than $100, Lombard is relying completely on word of mouth. As for qualifications, he lists having logged hundreds of hours playing Sim City as giving him practical experience in running a city.

After goading from his now ex-girlfriend that he wasn't doing anything for the world, Lombard not only entered the race, but quit his part time job at Macy's to make time to be mayor (a move he apparently regrets, in retrospect) so he really needs to income.

I'm not saying he's necessarily the best candidate, but now that we have instant run-off voting and the ability to choose more than one candidate on our ballot, surely you can find some place on your ranked ballot for the only candidate willing to stand up for awesomeness.